Female with question about Porn..

My boyfriend doesn't watch it, but he downloads a lot of it and it makes me uncomfortable.. I've talked to him about it before but nothing changed..
I don't want him to change who is. I want to change the way I feel about it.
How can I stop feeling so jealous and self conscious whenever I think he's looking for it or at it or whatever?

And for guys..
If you have a girlfriend, do you prefer porn over the actual thing? Because that's how I feel sometimes when it comes to porn.

 

Men's sexuality is more primal than that of most women, in my opinion. Sometimes a guy just wants to get off, the means are irrelevant.

If this was the case and your boyfriend were to have sex with you, stopping once he's done, you'd likely say or think that he doesn't care about your needs. Is it not better that he occasionally beats one out just because and leaves his better abilities to pleasing you?

Some women tend to get jealous because they think their man finds some woman in porn more attractive. I don't think many men feel this way but instead watch porn more out of curiosity and because it's there.

If his attraction to porn is unhealthy you might want to say something, but if he watches it occasionally and it doesn't take away from your sexual relationship with him, I wouldn't worry about it.

Also, I don't think any guy prefers porn over the real thing.

 

he downloads lots of porn but doesn't watch it? what's his goal in this, a computer virus?

 

I didn't think about it that way..
This is my first serious relationship.. I mean he is the first and only man I've had sex with. I get a little uncomfortable with my body every now and then, and just thinking about what porn stars look like made me feel even worse about myself. I start thinking that "He probably wishes I looked like her, or that he was with her" And I really shouldn't be thinking these things, because I know that he's not like that.

It's been something that I've been trying really hard to get over the past few months, but I just can't figure out where to begin. I figure, why not ask a crapload of people anonymously. Maybe someone will have some good advice.

And that really helped, lunar. I know that it's just porn, and I know you can find some pretty crazy stuff on the internet. I just hate when I go to type something into the web-browser and I see that he's been to a couple of porn sites. It just ruins my day, and I don't want it to.
I feel bad for being depressed when he's happy.
if anything, I want him to share it with me, I just don't know how to ask.

 

That's what I'm saying! hahaha

My ex had a porn addiction. He'd watch it EVERY morning before work and his computer was loaded with viruses...my feelings are mixed when it comes to porn, but I think it is healthy if in moderation...and by moderation I mean once in a blue moon.

 

And underwear,

He says he downloads it because he just got a new 1.5 terrabyte hard drive and he doesn't know what to put on it. That and because he wants it?

 

That's how I feel about it.. I wouldn't feel this way if he only downloaded some every once in a while, but there's like a whole list of 15-20 different porn titles on our downloading program.. I hate sharing a computer.

 

1. get a more honest boyfriend; there is no way he is downloading it just to fill his harddrive, and doesn't watch it. Or at least get him to be honest with you.

2. you have to realize that the porn has nothing to do with you, or your relationship, outside of how you react to it. It's inanimate images and videos that your boyfriend uses sometimes to get off. It's entertainment.

3. if you want him to share it, so you can try to find some more level ground; just ask.

4. I bet I have more :devil:

 

I believe him when he says he doesn't watch it.. We're together almost all of the time. I don't care if he watches it when I'm out of the house, but when I'm home I'd rather he asked me first if I wanted to fool around or anything. Maybe I want to get off too at 5 in the morning, you know? I don't mind being woken up with sex.

 

if he downloads it he is watching it
i personally wouldn't care about the porn
what i would care about is that for some reason he is lying to you about it
if you honestly believe that he isnt watching it then i dont know what to say

 

So he wants pornography just to have it?

"Aw, that one's named Jessica Rabbit Takes on Monster Cocks, I just have to own a copy!"

 

right
if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck its a mfing duck
ha!
see what i did there? lol

 

Well that's not what I wanted to hear at all.. it actually makes me feel worse.

 

Well what do you think I should do?
Should I ask him about it again and call his bluff? Or ignore it.

 

Well, that's why we're here :mickey:

Seriously though; advice isn't about cheering a person up, it's about helping a person face their problems. I hope that rather than pity yourself, you can see that you now have a better understanding of the situation.

A lot of your insecurities, you are pretty much on your own with; but you need to have honesty and trust in your relationship, if you are going to overcome such intimate issues.

That's what I like to hear.
It's really your choice. You could let it go as a little white lie, or you could take it more seriously, but either way, it's probably a good idea to let him know you know (just so he knows he can't get away with too much)
You could even ask again, to give him a chance to come clean; but don't expect him to unless he thinks you're onto him.

 

I don't know how old you are ,but with all due respect--work on your insecurities and get a man friend that doesn't lie to you about anything,as has been said.

 

aaah honey
i can't say what you should do
it's rough because it's not a cut and dry situation
in my opinion there is nothing wrong with porn
i'm not sure how you really feel about porn but honestly porn is not the problem
the problem is that he is hiding it from you which really shows some kind of deeper issue
a) he's lying. cut and dry. and
b) why is he lying. what does he have to hide? is it a communication issue or some deep rooted sexual issues he may have?
think long and hard on it.
how do you really feel?
then talk to him.
without being confrontational or accusatory
allow him the opportunity to be honest with you by being completely open and understanding
if he still can't or won't be honest there is a much deeper issue

 

All I really want is for him to be able to share that with me.
When he hides that shit, it makes me feel so crappy it's not even funny.

Thank you, Duck. I'm going to try talking to him about it tonight.. I've been really trying to be a little more outspoken lately, I fear that I don't voice my opinions enough.

 

Are you a generally submissive/quiet person?

I have some problems with this sorta thing in my own relationship. She is pretty quiet, and hasn't explored her sexuality very much outside of our relationship; I'm a confessed porn addict and have told her so since day one.
So, I think I can probably relate a little.

 

Yes.
And he is the one I lost my virginity to, so I'm nowhere near as experienced as he is, he's slept with 2 other girls before me. He told me from day one as well, but I didn't start having a problem with it until I found out he was downloading so much of it.