Have a perfect man, but constantly think about my less than perfect ex

Ughhhhh. I finally ended, what I viewed as, a toxic relationship this past fall. There were many reasons that it ended, many of which are problems that can never be fixed.

Over the past month I have been seeing the most wonderful man. We are, to spare all the details, perfect for each other.

Why can't I stop thinking about my ex when I really want to stop? How do I forget about him? Help

 

The lure of jerks is strong. Time and your new man should take care of it.

 

Well, it could just be that your brain is more used to him.

It could be that part of your incompatibilities and his toxicity made it hotter or more passionate for you. (A pretty retarded view, but very common, nonetheless)




As far as forgetting about him, try not to make too big of a deal about it when you do think of him. A lot of guilt could just feed into it and make you think about it more.
Maybe try making a list of all the things that sucked about him and all the ways he made you feel bad.

 

yeah, i was thinking about making a list.

and it did seem more passionate, but i'm willing to trade passion for happiness (which my ex and i had very little of).

 

Toxic relationships can be very addictive. Maybe your mind is still trying to get over an addiction to him.

I agree with making a list, reminding yourself of why things were so awful with him should help you to look forwards and not backwards.

 

i feel like i am betraying my current partner by having these thoughts though. i wish i could focus more on him.

 

Even if it's toxic what you miss is that emotionial intensity. Bad relationships are often very thrilling. You need to find a more healthy outlet, you're clearly craving more umph in your life.

You new man is probably a very calming influance for you am I right? That's good, and you seem to care for him so I'd really try to not fuck it up my slipping back to your ex.

Like I said, find another outlet. You can't expect a man to be able to fulfill all your needs. Well... you can, but you shouldn't.

either way *hugs*


edit: everyone said what I said lol. I contribute NOTHING

 

maybe you just aren't ready to get serious with someone else yet

 

fook the list.. just smoke till ya can't see the old bf and stick some viagara in the new one's coffee :sifone:

if that don't work i'm afraid it's time for bourbon and teh fat bloke at the bar

 

Lists are a terrible idea. Matters of the heart aren't logical.

Edit: what the fuck now OZ! said what I was gonna say first? I'm starting to get depressed here haha

 

lol thanks y'all. oz, you do have a point with the list thing. and sam, you may be right. i need something exhilirating and passionate, and by that, i do not mean a man.

mel, perhaps it is soon and i am not completely ready. before my partner came along, i wanted to be single. now...i don't want to be single. i'm just not sure what i want.

 

Step outside your relationships - see yourself ....

 

i already did that. it was boring and lonely.

 

Really !

you may have to look deeper...

 

the first guy turns your crank better

 

my crank being where? i need to know where that thing is. maybe it's a deeper psychosexual problem. without getting into to much detail, this is only the second white man i've dated (i am white). my sexuality, until recently, has been focused on black men. ugh i hate that i'm like this. i mean, my partner and i have a good sex life. we're still learning each other and it is fun. maybe i just am a glutton for punishment.

 

In my opinion, the best advice that has been given on this thread.

 

Nothing human is fully rational. Writing things out, particularly in ordered fashion, can help one gain new perspectives though.

But I do agree that another outlet for excitement could really help.

I'd recommend video games :2thumbsup: (I'd recommend exercise, but take OP as someone who does that already)

 

yeah, maybe i should start painting or dancing more or something...i'm a stoner though, and lack motivation

 

WiiFit gets me a lot of laughs; but it's the most insane motivator possible when it comes to exercising for me

But dancing is a good one. What kinda dancing do you do?