I don't use puncuation properly. Read it however u want I hate this I wish i'd picked my words more carefully I know it may sound *crazy totally insane I feel like I am losing myself in a whirl of colors and noises but what is this world if nothing but a jumbled mass of ingrates feeling as though they have left their souls in a different time in a different place trippy lights flash in front of my face and eyes * I feel a reinvention of self I don't know how I got here or where I need to be in this freakish mash up of words is something that could some day mean something to someone but not you not here not now I know you hear me I cry loud I cry deep I cry hard and I hardly cry will someone ever hear these cries of desperation these desperate noises that some how escape my throat and are resleased into the atmosphere the car has stalled only the engine has died but so have I not to be morbid cliché or crude I try and I try I hold tight my feelings of abandon the air is heavy around me sinking me down my hurt is unspoken they wouldn't understand they would just send me away procrastination has gotten me no where I need to speak these words that plauge me so these feelings will just continue to go unfelt and uncared about they think they know and understand but the palm of my hand says everything and nothing at two different times I know it high and hold it proud but pride is the sin that plauges all man kind and though we are called mankind is that what we truley are we are fakes the kind of man we are is only in our minds social promises that have been made and then broken. Social ties that have been tied and untied repeatedy. The adventures we take and the places we see are only a pitstop into our forever. *
Very abstract. You've got some neat ideas going here, though, but I think it'd help alot for you to develop them a bit more.
this is deff interesting.. in many ways i can relate to this. by the way i still cant message..lol but hit me up next time your in the chat
I agree with your view on it. I do think that all good pieces of writing are properly punctuated and structured. However, I think that you've got some potential with this piece.
Thanks for the feed back and not being rude about it. I love hearing critique. Here's my reasoning behind no puntuation. Punctuation can i don't wanna say force but it's the only word I can think of that fits, it forces the reader to choose an emotion at times. My lack of punctuation is more so you can "choose your own adventure" so to speak. I've had people tell me they read it in the emotions they chose to feel; happy, sad, disgruntled, angry. And that's more or less what I was going for. Y'all are right though. My work definently needs polishing.
Dang moe, your post seems to reflect the pain that the young have to deal with today, because of the garbage past generations have created. If I were your age I'd be pissed too. In fact I am. ((((hugs))))
I'm not gonna read it at all because of how hard it is on the eyes. I recommend you get better acquainted with your Enter key.
Hi Moe.....very intense....I read the OP last week and actually drew some ideas from it...and have 2 verses to a song written as a result...so, thank you for the inspiration :2thumbsup: dave
