Question: Enlightenment and info would be appreciated!

I did shrooms 4 times and they never did anything, even when other people would trip, off the same batch. So I know they weren't bunk. But last year I did shrooms 3 times in 2 weeks. I realize this is stupid becuase the seretonin didnt have enough time to fully replenish. But I finally found the right batch. They hit me, and they hit me HARD.
For about 5 months afterwards I would have such bad flashbacks I would end up puking. I wasnt sick. It was a different feeling all together. Almost like a panic attack.
After the 5 months I was alright. But it's a year later now, and whenever I get deja vu, or I have an epiphany. It's not longer interesting and profound. It's dark and from a place of deep deep sorrow and despare.
I'm also not very active becuase I have been laid off for the better part of 2 years. So I think its a mixture of cabin fever, and a lack of stimulus. These flashbacks literally creep up out of nowhere, anything can trigger them, anything can make them go away in an instant. But usually my flashbacks last about 15 minutes to an hour. I hope someone can shed some light on my situation.

 

Hidden and buried past perhaps?

 

Yeah, it sounds like you're having some psychological distress from your current life situation coupled with your first psychedelic experience. You should fix that life situation so you don't have existential freak out vomit fests anymore. the mushrooms are telling you something! maybe the place is dark because your insides are dark, shed some light on them.

also are you on any medications? just asking because your history of reactions to mushrooms is odd

 

re dose re dose re dose re dose. It will get better if you want it to!!!

 

Certain things that are damaging have happened in my life. I was on adderal for 10 years. That's the only medication. I was off it for 2 years by the time I had my first real trip. My family has a history of anxiety as well. 3 generations of consistant anxiety. My friend was also being a complete dick my first break-through trip. We hung out for the first half hour of the trip and we were laughing, high-pitched voices we couldnt stop smiling. But then he went up stairs where his mom and her aunt was. I was in no position or mood to be associate with his mom and his aunt when my pupils were the size of the moon and I was trippen balls. He sat on myspace chat for few hours. While I was left in the basement alone with my thoughts. By the time I finally convinced him to come down in the basement and chill with me. I was too wound up for him to calm me down. Until I actually started comming down off the shrooms. I think that had a lot to do with the bad trip as well. I come to the conclusion its a mixture of depression/anxiety, being inactive, cabin fever/lack of stimulus. And one really, REALLY shitty friend.

The past 2 years. A series of unfortunate events that have occured, losing my appt, quiting my good job, selling my sweet ass car, to join the army, and then the army fucked me royally. Recuitor gave me a at home drug test. Said I should be good in 4 days when I go to meps. I wasnt clean. They dicked me around for 5 months while I was still under the assumtion I was leaving. So i didn't need any of those things ^... The day before I was supposed to leave for boot they call me and say FUCK YOU basically. I got back on the horse a week later with a car and a job. The job went out of business 2 months later. The car's tranny went out a year later.. So I've just been turning into mush. When I'm a very active person and I love going out and doing stuff.

I haven't even be able to enjoy weed ever since then without anxiety. Not paranoia. Straight up anxiety. I'm not a drug-seeker or anything. I LOVE things in moderation. take a peak on the other side.. But not live that life or be a part of that "cummunity". Maybe its also the conflict that I have with drugs, being torn between reality and altered reality.. that drugs are just not for me?
Thanks for the info though keep it comming!! I appreciate all the info I can get!