awesome bf not so awesome?!

Although I probably know what I will do already/what's going on.... But I just wanted to get some perspective on this from other people.

So I've been with my bf since August... Everything was smoothsailing until about New Years Eve... When I asked him what his plans were. He replied that he wasn't sure, and that he'd let me know... long story short, he said he ended up spending the time with his family, while I spent it with my friends. Ever since that time, I didn't see him for a month, which kind of irked me. I confronted him, and we started going out again, going to dinner... bowling... hanging with another couple (which are our mutual friends) and he said that he wanted to see me more... yet lately, we haven't been seeing eachother for another 2 weeks now. Which kinda sends me different message. Yet when we do spend the time together, it seems to be nice... he's so polite and sweet about things, treats me well... but then goes M.I.A... which pisses me off.

I'm finding it to be really hard to believe that he can't find at least 30 mins in all this time to see me. Nor Do I have any patience for this kinda bs. I don't want to be with someone if im going to be feeling neglected and unwated for... because I'm sure that I can find other awesome people to hang with, but at the same time, I really like the way he treats me when we do spend time together.....

Plus lately, it seems that we make plans to do something, but then he ends up canceling last minute... like he's trying to avoid me or something.... He's being hot and cold with me...=\

Things seemed to be going to nicely before, so I don't know what changed.... and it's really frustrating.

I was contemplating on breaking up, yet I don't even know how to approach this since I don't really even feel that we're together anymore.

Anywho, let me know your view on this...

 

If I was with someone who was doing that, I would be annoyed. I wouldn't keep chasing him though, you have given him enough chances. If he wants to be with you, then he needs to make some effort.

 

Give him some alone time. Guys can't spend the whole day chatting and gossiping like girls can.

 

My Educated Guess Is, The Reason You Have Been Allocated A Particular "Timeslot"

In His Life, Is Because He Most Likely Has At Least Three Other Girls He Is Juggling

His Life With...:juggle:

Either That, Or, He Has A "Boyfriend" Hidden In His Closet.............



Cheers Glen.

 

Yeah eh, I though so as well. I'm sure when a person likes someone enough, they'd want to spend more time with them...and would make it happen. I did give him alone time... 2 weeks worth already! I can understand that he may want some space and whatnot to hang with his buddies/family.. whatever, but he can't be a ghost and never contact me...

Plus he said he loved me before, although I haven't said it back. Even though I was falling and he knew it, something in my gut didn't sit well and told me not to say it. I guess something didn't feel right... yet we kept on hanging out, going about our thing. Perhaps it's all just an act. Although I don't see why he'd bother to spend the weekend with me then or introduce me to his best mates.

Glen! I though about that as well... although he didn't seem like that kind of person. But maybe I'm just being blind... or maybe I'm just trying to always find the best in people and forgiving too easily..

 

Don't Be Too Hard On Yourself, Set Yourself A Timeframe In Which To Resolve

This Prob, And If You Still Find Yourself Hanging In "No-Mans-Land", Then Close This

Chapter Of Your Life And Look Foward To A "New Tomorrow"...:2thumbsup:.

Wishing You All The Best In The Future...:sunny:



Cheers Glen.

 

Hey Wafflez... sorry to hear all this. Here is my thought: He is too polite to say "We have to end this". He probably wants out.

But again I may be wrong.

 

why do you feel the need to be so clingy? some women date a guy for a while and think they own him.

can't your fella have a little time away? doesn't it make the time together even better? he obviously likes you or he wouldn't waste his time with you. try not being so insecure and not getting mad because he has a life outside of you+him

 

so basically you've seen him 3 times in the last 2 months? he may not have come out and said it, but he dumped you on new year's eve.

 

Maybe take him less seriously

 

Maybe he has other things going on in his life that are more important that you? or at least he might look at it that way.. Then again it could be nothing. If he is not giving you the attention you need or want then why continue to play these games? Doesn't sound much like a healthy relationship to me... but that's just my 2 cents.

Hope everything gets better!

 

The signs point to him seeing someone else. Maybe a couple of someone elses.

Look past this guy and declare yourself a free agent. You can do better.

 

We could come up with all kinds of speculations, but I think what really needs to happen is for the two of you to sit down and talk about it...which I'm sure you already know. And the most important thing here is that, when this discussion takes place, both of you must make sure neither of you causes the other to become defensive about what each other has to say. You guys need to have a conversation in a calm and mature manner, and both of you need to actually be ready to remain calm and objective throughout the discussion.

Allow him a chance to explain. He might have some kind of good reason for his behaviour. Also, don't forget to look within yourself for possible causes of your situation. I mean, you can't rule that possibility out, you know. You both need to be open about things like that.

Another thing... Did you explain to him why you didn't say the "L" word back? If I were him, I would have meant it when I said it. If I were him, I would also have been understanding about your reluctance to say it back, if you provided me with an explanation that could make me understand where you were coming from. Of course, I'm not him, and thus I can't actually guarantee he would've reacted the same way I would. At any rate, this is something else you may want to think about...

All the best.

 

I'm very big on "time wasting." For instance, I started dating a guy who was really nice and funny but he had some issues I couldn't handle, and after 3 months, I ended it because I knew staying with him would be a waste of my time.

Every person in my life is judged based on how worth my time they are (kinda mean when I put it that way, but my theory on this proves to work really well for me) and this guy of yours definitely seems like a time, energy, and emotion-waster.

I say give him the boot and find someone devoted to you

 

Hmm, interesting approach to dealing with people indeed.

Just curious, how do you reach a conclusion that someone isn't worth your time? As in generally speaking?

 

I have a lot of things to do myself, so maybe I can chime in on this:

A smart guy knows the keys to starting a relationship is to show interest, especially if you've found a good girl you don't want to lose the opportunity.. Once you've set the wheels in motion however you can sit back a little knowing you've somewhat got the girl in the bank so to speak.

I've had this happen where I worked around my schedule and even cut some dates ( volunteer work ) to spend enough time with the girl to establish a relationship, now once that's established I knew I could get away with more free time.

Now has this guy gone 2 weeks without so much as a text?

 

^ Well, he'll text me, but he'll take much longer than usual to reply... plus he just txted me wishing me a good holiday... and replied to my yesterdays text.

I'm not clingy nor do i think I own him.. That was quiet a conclusion to jump to without really knowing someone. But the thing is.... i get mixed messages here, and this confusing is causing frustration. I don't like being in the know. I understand that he has a life aside from me... but it's quiet a drastic change from the way it was... I don't want to spend 24/7 with him either... but a little more time together would be nice. I'm a patient person most of the time, but he can't be a ghost and never contact me... he should make me feel important to him. i cant go month without seeing or hearing from a person for a month, it makes me feel neglected and unwanted. And I don't want to be feeling like that time after time.

noo I saw him more.. after new years, didn't see each other for a month, and then we hung out quiet a bit... and now it's a repetition of the new years situation pretty much. Plus if he did, why would he still txt me? and hang with me after that and introduce me to his best mates... If I don't really care about someone I wouldn't even bother introducing them to my friends, or hinting that he wanted me to move in with him.

Thanks, I think this kinda really helped a lot. I guess you're right about the L word... but we both have also been drinking that night, and he kinda said it out of no where. Took me by surprise, plus the fact that we were drinking, i kinda though it wasn't really real and the fact that it was soo soon.... but yeah. I guess I need to talk to him, but I don't even know how to bring it up because I don't feel like we are together at the moment...
I guess I could see his side as well, since his previous relationship was 4 years & it was long distance... but I'm not her.. I'm different.

 

I see no reason not to dump him.

He is not giving you any respect. Give yourself some and lose him.

 

I think its kind of weird that he disapears for a month at a time. That sounds to me like he doesn't really want a relationship. I'm all for freedom in a relationship but going a month without even speaking to the other person can't possibly even classify as a relationship. I think you should try to talk to him and if you can't pin him down long enough to talk, you should just let that ship sail.

 

The guy could be smart, witty, fun and charming/attractive.

Why would any sane girl dump a guy like that just because he isn't spending every day with her?

Honestly my advice would be to talk with him, how often do you guys have sex when you meet up if you don't mind me asking?