Overburdening-controlling girlfriend, wtf am I doing?

Is it too much to ask for a women who cares enough, but not over the top, who doesn't make you feel like a piece of shit whos is emotionally bankrupt?

Let me explain, when me and my girl started dating I was training for triathalons and races, marathons etc... I was all into it and we had both been crushing on eachother for a couple of years. We met in our late teens and would see eachother out quite often. The timing was never right for us to date because we both went to different schools and were in relationships at the time or whatever.

She was drinking/partying with her girlfriends and I never had a problem with it because honestly this girl is beautiful, not promiscuous and absolutely loves me to death.

Flash forward a few years and she has put on some weight, but the real deal breaker is I just cannot take her controlling and smothering ways.

She says I manipulate her all the time by saying I don't smoke weed all the time, or downplaying it when, all she really wants is for me to "be on planet earth with her, and not high all the time."

I cannot stand it and honestly the only thing holding me back from moving out at this point is the fact that we both live together and the rent is fantasstically cheap and the house is literally right around the corner from my place of business. ( I have my own business) I know that if we break up, I will be the one having to find another place to live and not her.

The time we spend together on certain days, such as this last Valentines day was awesome, the food, the gifts, the sex...it is all still magical. However her "depression" which I cause according to her is not going away, she is not getting into shape at all. Oh and did I mention that I pay for everything besides rent and utilities. I pay for food, gas, car repairs, gym memberships that go to waste. i cannot stand it anymore. I love this girl and it just seems like our opinions on life arent gelling the way we want them to.

I just needed to get that off my chest. I will be making some huge decisions soon and I just wanted to air it out and get some feedback from someone who doesnt know either myself or my girlfriend personally. This has been toture trying to please someone who is as ungrateful as she is.

This women constantly says she is giving me chance after chance to prove that I can be the one to settle down with, then I go and make another "poor" decision and she immediately feels the same way, that she is going crazy...waiting for me to prove that I can be trusted and that I will always make smart decisions and have the ability to say no to pleasurable things. Those pleasurable things include, weed, drinking with the boys, etc....I have never cheated on her or anythign to make her not trust me. I realize how shallow this all sounds but it has become my sad reality.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

 

it just sounds like you guys aren't right for each other. Maybe she needs someone a little more straight laced and you need someone a little more independent and free spirited.

 

yes.

didn't read the rest of OP.

 

Sorry to stereotype but younger people are generally dumber.

How old are you two?

 

You need to talk to her...sit down and see what her deal is. Maybe she has some bigger issues she's afraid to talk to you about. Its possible she has some depression issues or something like that.

 

Maybe you're just pissing in the wind! Move on. If you feel the need to get feedback from others regarding your relationship it's a no, no! Let me see, am I reading this right? You pay for everything and she won't get into shape. You want to smoke and go out with the boys and she is the one smothering you. Do you want a relationship or not? It's a two way thing you know. We're back to the start. Move on. So what if she stays in the house! You own your own business......rent a new apartment!

 

Sucks man, I've been in a stalemate relationship like that before. Truth is, when you're staying solely out of security, it's not worth it anymore. I know you love her and I'm sure she loves you in her own weird convoluted way, but sometimes love just isn't enough to make 2 people compatible. The hardest part is realizing and accepting the fact that even though you feel like you are made for each other, you are totally wrong for each other. Moving on gets a little easier after that.

It already kinda sounds like you have an idea of what you want to do, but if you've already sat her down and had the Coming To Jesus with her and nothing's changed, then I'd say it's a good time to start scoping Craigslist for cheap housing and roommates. Sorry man, good luck.

 

It's possible that her weight gain is part of a viscious cycle of depression and low self-esteem. If she feels fat, she won't feel good about herself. If she looks at herself and says, "I'm disgusting" then she's obviously going to feel insecure about your attraction toward her, and she might be tightening her grip on you because she is afraid of losing you. On the nagging, it's just like any bully- picking at every little thing you do to bring you down to her perceived level, and all because when she looks at you, she feels bad about herself for letting herself go...
Am I making any sense?
I don't think any of it is intentional or that she wants you to feel bad about yourself per se. It's just an irrational reaction to her own lacking self-esteem. If she is depressed, there is no one that can take control of it and be responsible for getting better but herself. If she refuses, then maybe you shouldn't waste your time anymore. It's possible that you are just not compatible. In fact, staying could enable her to resist changing her ways. If you left, she would be forced to reinvent and reevaluate.

In the end, I think you should try, with all of these factors in mind, to understand where she is coming from. Depression is very tricky, and sometimes if you push too hard, the sufferer will shut down, or worse act out of spite. Please understand it's just the disease, but really no one can help her if she is in denial. You may just have to suck it up and start looking for new apartments. She's not your child. She's an adult. She needs to get her shit together.

 

Dude, I have the exact same type of girlfriend, under different circumstances ofcourse. I'm stuck in the same position. She is smothering & controlling, but she doesn't even realise what she is doing pushes me away. I have tried plenty of times to sit down and talk, but I'm always the one making the 'poor' decisions. I cannot be trusted, I was flirty around two years ago before we started dating, and she's using that as a reason to judge what type of person I am today, telling me I cannot be trusted, when she cheated on me. It's sad, because I really really do love her, but I want to do my own things while I'm still young, I'm currently in the process of joining the TA, but she HATES it! I really don't know what to do, or how to get the strength to break away from her. It's so frustrating! They claim to love you, but my theory is that they love the idea of you. I'm assuming you're there for her every single day? If so, same here. I don't even see much of my family no more, never mind my friends! Do what I can't, find the strength I can't seem to muster, do it before it's too late man!

P.s sorry for hi-jacking the thread!