So, a quick background... I am have been in your typical relationship for about a two months now. I have said I love you in numerous relationships before. With this relationship though, I am cautious with just spurting out the word because this girl truly feels THE ONE to me. I sometimes find myself speechless following a special moment with her, because that seems to be the word that I want to say, but it might be due to the fact that it is the only word my mind can associate with closeness. My only objection to not already saying it already is the difficulty of discernment between feelings of love and feelings of 'excitement.' When I first say it with this girl, I want to mean it! Anyway, I guess my really question is, how far into a relationship do feeling of novelty transform into true love?
What you are talking about when you say excitement is called limerence. I wouldn't say "I love you" until after that wears off. True love is a bond that takes years and isn't truly discernible until many more; you can say I love you before that.
the ideal time to say "i love you" is immediately after she says "i love you." not possible, my typical relationship does not last two months.
Yeah I was kinda suckered into saying it. I got into the routine of just saying it without thinking too much of it. Not a good idea. But it was good learning, and I did have love for that chick. I do love a lot of people though. Thats why I think theres not really a "falling in love" just varying degrees of it, like you can love different people different amounts. Thats why I kinda wanna be in a 3 or four way marriage with lesbians
two months would seem too early I would think 3 months absolute minimum, the 6 month mark probably preferable
I agree. Love is not something you think. It's something you feel. It isn't realistic to set a specific duration of time before saying the "L" word. It is different for each couple. Saying "I love you" has become a huge thing because people got too careless with the phrase over the centuries. But saying that in itself shouldn't be a problematic thing. It's one way of expressing love. Love is a wonderful thing. If you feel it strongly within you, if you feel it bursting out toward your partner, and if you feel it projected strongly out of your partner toward you, then it really isn't the matter of when, but how to acknowledge and express that love. All the best.
Yeah but thats not what I'm saying. For some people, they want to use that word only when they really mean it, and if said in the perfect circumstance said with full meaning, it can be a very good way to show how much you love them. That doesn't work if you just throw it around every day. Thats what I'm getting at.
Oh yeah, I know what you're saying. But even saying it everyday can work if you mean it, and your partner knows you mean it. Again, it totally depends on each couple. I guess I have a bit of trouble relating to people who say it to their partners and not mean it because I always mean it when I say it. And I can say it repeatedly if I feel like it because that's only a fraction of how much I love her, and I feel this intense need to express it in ways I could. Not being able to express it at all, for some people, may be among the most excruciating experiences one could go through. Disgustingly sappy, I know... But it happens, lol. Anyway, if you can express it in ways other than via words, then there really shouldn't be any problem in saying the "L" word. I mean, you already love each other, so saying that out loud shouldn't change that fact all of the sudden. But if you're not sure, then saying it could backfire. Gotta stay honest with your feelings, eh.
I NEVER say I love you unless I mean it...and I mean REALLY MEAN IT. Its unfair to a woman if you just say it to say it, to fill some kind of void from words. When the feeling is really true, then say it...no one can tell you a "time frame" of that
If the standard for love is remaining exclusively sexually and emotionally committed to one person until the day that you die, I think you could safely say it on your deathbed. Otherwise, I have said it whenever I felt like saying it. Edit: Or you could say, "I intend to love you". Meaning, I intend to fuck and worship only you until my dying day. Haha.
6 months? That seems like a very short time. I said "I love you" to the current person I am with the first time after about 9 months. He didn't say it back, so I've decided not to say it again unless he does. It would start to get awkward to say it and not have it returned or have it be just for the sake of ridding the awkwardness. He suddenly started calling me all sorts of pet names now though, so maybe we're getting somewhere lol How long should someone wait to HEAR the words from the person they love? Normally I'd say say it when you feel it, but now I'd probably suggest to wait until you know they feel it, too.
So how do you interpret "I want to be with you forever, you make me so happy" and silence about love? call it bs, or is happiness and faithfulness separate from love?
Ok sorry, mabey he is waiting for a good time to say it then. Like I was saying he wants the word to be really meaningful. Just 9 months seemed kinda llong. I wanna be with you forever is close enough though
There is no right time frame to say it. Depends on the person. The novelty of a new relationship can wear off in a week, a month, 6 months, etc. I think as soon as it's not solely "excitement" as the OP states, and you're confident in your feelings of acceptance of your partner's self and flaws and confident in his/her acceptance of yours, you can say you're in love. In essence, love is acceptance. If you want the other to change, then you cannot love them for who they are.
I completely agree There is no time period to wait until you say something like that. It is when you truly feel it and you know it is an appropriate time to say it. If you feel a strong chemistry between you and another person, you know it is the right thing to say. Sometimes it's completely ok to say it within the first 2 hours! Love at first sight exists. I've experienced it before.
