Can a bad trip, coupled with previous mental ailments mess up a brain?

Hi,

I have adult ADD, it's pretty aggressive. My attention is in all directions ALL of the time, since I was child pretty much. I always feel restless, distracted or overwhelmed and there's a lot more I could list but I won't to shorten this.

I had experimented with LSD about a year and a half ago. The first time I had 1 and a half tabs and I remember being at a park walking up a grassy hill then I was stepping up the hill like stairs. I remember spending time near some swans (they are actually there, haha) and many other intense feelings and insights that felt like they were tearing my head open. The insight and the feelings at the time are so intense, it was all that was on my mind for weeks and weeks.

Then comes the second experience. Three hits of some red south parks? Someone said they were 'double stacked' but it has been argued and I don't know if that was the case or if you can even get acid in that form, but, I certainly felt it after an hour and a half. It hit strong as a chest feeling, like a slight orgasm, it was overwhelming in that orgasm sense but enough to sustain function. After a while I felt like I was going through time. I'd be on the couch, go out for a cigarette, go smoke a joint, whatever, and it would happen so fast and it would feel like it wasn't happening almost. Just thinking back is giving me strong feelings attributed to how strong it felt.

The carpet was 5 feet off the floor like a labyrinth at one point. The Yellow Submarine poster on my friend's wall came to life completely. It was all so good, but so strong and so different from normal reality and perception. Then comes a phone call. Girlfriend accusing me of cheating, because her ex whom is really, really strange decided to tell her I was at a pet store with my arm around a blonde girl. Yeah, I was on acid buddy. Anyways, she had post traumatic stress and shit as it was so she just about lost it, and I couldn't explain myself on acid, it made it worse and like I was lying and just made things SO insanely difficult. Emotion filled me up and something burst, some cap couldn't handle the pressure and I ended up crying in a bathtub, feeling like I was going to tear my hair out-type losing my mind. After a while I went back with my friends and enjoyed a more difficult trip.

It ended like 4am that night. Ever since I feel depersonalized or something. I don't feel there. Things just feel different and I'm always looking for familiarities in the way I used to feel. Things feel less real almost, and I feel like I discovered or learned a lot for my mind to handle to the point where I take just about everything for granted now more than I did before (with the whole attention deficit).

 

My intentions are loving, I promise. At least you got one response, you beat my record.

Cheer up, you'll be fine, I promise. Just be happy you're not in some third world country somewhere struggling to survive. I'm sure they wish the most of their worries was some trivial dramatic bullshit.

Things change, get used to it.

 

I can see how that could be bad. Having people accusing you of things while you're tripping can be very hard, even if they're only accusing you of tripping

I would say you're just fine. You might have been a bit wounded by the trauma of having those bad emotions magnified and associated with those good ones.

I would honestly suggest you go dose some cid. But have a contingency plan worked out for possible problems. Ie, if you have emotionally fragile people in your life who might call and flip shit on you, make sure they know you will be tripping and can't handle that, and if someone DOES flip shit, hang up the phone, tell them it's your time and you can talk to them later. That sort of plans/preparedness can save you a lot of pain and trouble.

Remember, set and setting. What hurt you wasen't the acid, it was the painful, scary situation, which acid let affect you on a much deeper level than it might otherwise, with no defenses in place. This seems to have made you build much higher defenses... If you're depersonalized, it's harder to hurt you because you're less clearly defined.

 

it may behoove you to enter the realm again and find what is needed.

 

you should definitely reenter the realm but make sure there are absolutely no disturbances...spend the night in a forest if you have to, just put yourself in a setting where any dramatic bullshit from your every day life won't come creeping through.

trips can really reveal the bullshit in life..the fact that you had to live through the bullshit while you were tripping probably has a lot to do with what you're feeling now. You need to reenter the realm and seek out what is real and what is true and what really matters.

 

tl;dr

 

Ah, perfect example of why cell phones + LSD = not good. I usually turn my cell phone off before I dose. That way nobody can get mad for me not answering, and I can't put my self into bad situations due to my inabilty to comprehend certain things. I agree you should dose again but meditate on your intentions for the trip beforehand.