More gay than i thought? Anyone else go through this?

Male, 19

From a young age i knew i was a little bisexual. It started with fantasies of girls with strapons, than girls with another guy, than a certain male cousin, and a few months ago i've started fantasizing about just guys without girls.

And now it's went beyond just sexual and i've actually got an emotional crush on another man.

I'm wondering, anyone else go through these phases and did that ultimately lead to being only gay?, or does that just mean i'm both emotionally and sexually bi now?

Anyone?

 

One thing is sure. Things do change...

I started knowing that I was into men, at least sexually.

In my early 20's I discovered that a few girls looked very attractive, so I went for it and enjoyed the sex with them very much. Hot sex notwithstanding, I had a problem with all the rest. I did not like longish courting, dinners, flowers, and all those preps needed for a girl to get going without appearing too slutty.

Once we started going steady, I got tired of listening to them tell me everything about how they imagined our house would look like, how many kids we were going to have, etc. Maybe it was just my bad luck, but practically all the hot girls I hooked up with had all kinds of plans in which they set out everything and I was just to follow and pay the bills.

A few of them (we are talking about some 10 years of dating with several girls) started using their Mom's tactics. "If I don't get what I want, you won't get any sex tonight..." I did not buy into this.

I returned to the guys, and frankly, liked it better. There was plenty of sex, and no one really tried to use it as a weapon to get what he wanted. I had plenty of time to pursue all my interests and my career, too. None of my partners (all of them bottom guys, if that matters), showed any inclination towards telling me what to do and how to lead my life. They were in for a ride, and if they did not like it at some point, they were free to say so, and either negotiate their way around it or move on.

So, ending up being totally on the gay side has worked just fine for me.

KD

 

Who cares, there is no need to define it. Just go with the flow and appreciate who you are. If you like guys now, and girls tomorrow, what does it really matter? Like what you like and love who you love. Physical attributes mean so little it's silly. I don't mean to come off as condescending perhaps, but just go with how you feel and don't worry about naming it something.

I love both guys and girls, and to me it doesn't matter anything else beyond LOVE. Follow what you love.

 

It bothers me because it's confusing. I don't even understand what's going on with my own head. That's why i'm wondering if anyone else on here has gone through this. And if so, does it go away or do i spend my entire life wondering if i'm gay or bi...

 

I think you will find and make peace with it, if you choose.

 

When I was 19 yo as you mentioned that you are, I did often question my sexuality, and was somewhat confused on what to call myself or even what to label myself in my own mind. I had no peace of mind then, and at your age either.

However I tried to have Girlfriends, yet even though at earlier ages I had sexually been attracted to the other boys, I found that when I did have sex with a Woman it just was not the same...then I had my first love who was another male. We also had sexual relations and I realized then that being Gay, Straight or Bisexual in my life, was more than my ability to 'have sex' with a woman or a man. I had and have had sex with both Women and Men yet to this day I have to consider in all the factors.

You said that in the first post that you have a 'crush' on another man, well, I would start with that. Have you had a 'crush' on a woman that was the same as this crush on the man? If you feel that this crush is stronger in nature with the man than any other crushes you have had on women then most likely you could be gay. The fact that you have fantasized about having anal penetration or even of other guys, has no bearing on your romantic feelings as in a 'crush', yet it does. If you feel you would really like to have a more intimate type relationship with your guy 'crush' you will need to find out if the guy you have a crush on is even available. There is nothing worse than being confused about your sexuality and falling in love with another man who is not questioning his own sexuality. I your guy crush gay? I would seek a relationship first then decide. Hell, there are married men out there who know that they are gay, cheat on there wives with men behind there backs and still will not identify themselves as being Gay.

So at your age I think it is a good thing if you are looking for a long lasting committed relationship to go with your heart and penis. No one can make you come 'out' if you end up deciding that you are gay, and I believe I was born Gay so take it slow and easy.
It can be difficult to figure out, but your heart already knows the answer. This is a good place to begin seeking advice and feedback.

Peace to you my friend, Pillhead

 

Normal progression. That happens. I actually progressed to a point where I thought I might be entirely gay, but then, out of the blue, started fantasizing about girls again over guys. It sounds like you are somewhere in between. Sexuality is a spectrum, and at our age, there's definitely going to be some movement on the line. I consider myself to be bisexual/pansexual. Good luck in your quest! Play it safe

 

It will go away in time. I spend most of college tearing my head apart with these thoughts. I am in a happily committed relationship right now with a guy. Some girls I still think are hot and if things don't work out with our relationship I am no longer worried if Iike guys or girls. Well, I like guys, but hey, if I want to have fun with a girl, so be it! I just know I prob wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one.

Hope that helps

 

im exactly the same way... i consider myself bi because i am attracted to girls but honestly all the above makes me want to "classify" myself as gay. it is very true, been there.. i think only people that are or want to be independent see things this way.. all my straight friends are mostly losers and all their money gets pumped into their girl friends and they have nothing to show for themselves, it's pathetic.. anyway that's a different topic

to the OP: if you fantasy guys sexually that will never go away. people that think their straight early in life can eventually find out their gay/bi, but usually it's never the opposite.

 

:daisy::groupwave:indeed

 

I go through the same thing. One month I’m like yay vagina next month it’s all about the dick. I don’t think it makes u gay or whatever I think everyone goes through this it’s just that some people give in and others don’t. Go out try some cock slurp some spunk and see if ya like it that’s the only way to be sure.

 

Why do you feel the need to categorize yourself?
To answer your question. Yes. I have felt as if I was more gay than straight, or more straight than gay.
Ultimately it led to the conclusion that I am just me. And I feel whatever I feel on a moment to moment basis.

 

I grew up pretty much straight till my later teens(around 17). I always fantasized about women, but I started to notice my best friend looking pretty attractive to a point that was unignorable.. kind of hard when they start coming onto you. I've always had awful, nearly tormenting experiences with girls anyways, to be honest I'm bitter towards them. Anyways today I barely ever think of women in any kind of serious sense. Theres a couple attractive ones that I know on a more friend basis that creep into my mind during "personal" moments now and again. Relationships which guys have always seemed more natural to me anyways, I just don't get women. Anyways to kind of answer your question, I got gayer over time but I've seen more than a couple people and sadly even my best friend try to repress and forget as they got older. So yeah, just try to do whatever feels natural.

 

Even though I think that ultimately we should loose labels regarding sexuality, I have to recognize that society forces me to accept a label in some circumstances, so I choose bisexual because it keeps my options open.

Most of the time, I'm not interested in women and they aren't interested in me,.. but then there is that rare exception that comes along every once in a while...

I totally get what kewldude is saying about the traditional roles of men and women. It's really messed up. It's the same dynamic if there are children.. it's the women who have kids.. the guy just pays for them and never has time to actually be a parent.

 

There are not just three options.

 

I have two children, with two different girls, and spent the last 12 years of my life desperately trying to do everything I could to not embrace the reality that I am gay. It took a lot for me to come out, first to the mother of my daughter whom I had to break up with, then to some of my family and friends.

Through my teenage years and early twenties I would feel immediately guilty any time I fantasized about boys, to the point of hating myself, and I end up almost killing myself with my self destructive behavior and my opiate addiction.

The constant going back and forth in my mind drove me half insane for a very long time, and when I finally accepted myself for who I am, it was the greatest feeling of peace I've ever known. This was just over a month ago, and while my life has dramatically changed, I haven't (other then getting sober and feeling happy and healthy, I mean my personality).

It is normal as far as I understand and I did go through similar emotions and thoughts as you, OP. I am about to turn 26 years old, and I consider myself somewhat bisexual, but emotionally gay and I'm now looking forward to the rest of my life being free to be who I really am, even if I remain alone, at least I am no longer living a painful, self destructive lie. We only get one chance right?

 

Labels are useless even tho they are forced upon us by society to classify who or what we are. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because all we want is pleasure (happiness) at the end of the day....

I am Black and for the record considered Bi-sexual, but I when I first started to have sex at the age of 13 it was with one of boy buddies. I had sex with guys up until I was 16, but didn't consider myself gay. When I was in high school I started dating girls and fucking them too and I kinda forgot about boys.

In my adult life, it was all about girls even tho I would see guys and still feel an attraction. I would go purchase gay mags and dildoes but I just couldn't really find a willing participant that wanted to fuck. It is a lot of homophobia in my town, so I guess that kept alot of guys from playing around or either they had phased out of having sex w/guys. so options were limited...Then BOOM, i moved to a different city and turned into a slut basically. I was gettin fucked by a bunch of different guys (safely of course) but i was enjoying the ride. Then in the same town I found a nice girl and settled down.

I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy the ride...don't be forced into being gay or straight. find what feels right for you and go with it. experiment...suck a dick, eat a ****...be free and young...just be responsible and safe

 

I think it can go back and forth for some people...I am a guy and am still bi but used to be a lot more attracted to men than I am now. Now I'm more on the straight side. It's no biggie, but I guess it could pose quite a problem if it happened during a relationship.

 

i feel less gay then i did yesterday