Shambhala's facebook page posted this a while back. Bit of forewarning, this may offend some people. I'm new here so I don't know if this goes without saying but please keep an open mind, otherwise don't read this or reply. Followed by a list for tips for any parents thinking of going to music festivals with their kids. See the link at the beginning of the quote for the original article. What do you all think about this?
i think I did the same thing with my kid..in some ways it helped..in other ways it was a nightmare..there is no single 'parenting' handbook...
Personally, I think it could work out well but the parent-child relationship has to be based on trust in place of absolute authority, but not removing authority altogether. Trust then becomes the basis for authority. It's not specific if the added clause where any drug the teen wants to do, has to do it with the mom first means the mom's doing it too, or just sitting the teen. If they are sharing the experience, it could make the teen think about the consequences of putting her mom through it too. Either way, it's still a massive show of trust. My relationship with my mom is loosely based on trust. Not enough to share personal details with lately, but enough that I don't feel the need to hide anything from her. In my adolescence, my mom never made drugs, including alcohol, seem like the forbidden fruit. In fact, she even told me she'd rather I smoked weed than drank if it came down that, and that she wouldn't worry too much if I stuck to natural things, She also told me that she would prefer if I never did anything hard, but at the same time admitted she really cannot control my life. By "cannot" I do not only mean is "unable to", even though she's never directly mentioned this; it goes against her principles. She values freedom, privacy and self-expression. Granted, I'm no stranger to substance abuse, a couple extended relatives ("family" isn't a word I use lightly) are recovering alcoholics and even someone closer has abused prescription drugs. I was able to learn from my mom's first hand experience of growing up around addiction, and her own hindsight of falling down that hole and being thoroughly disgusted with herself for letting it happen. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I went to high school with a family of kids who had super strict, conservative, catholic, upper-class parents. When they found out their kids smoked weed by snooping through the daughter's purse and finding a pipe, they began weekly drug tests. One of those kids started doing harder drugs that with a limited use, are out of the body fast enough he could plan around the urine tests. Had I grown up without hearing about the true face of addiction, or instead hearing it from a one-sided point of view with addicts being demonized, I would likely have severe issues today. I have a mildly addictive personality and I consider myself very fortunate to be given the chance to teach myself control from the experiences of others and the knowledge that comes with it.
I have a handful of friends whose parents practiced the same sort of policy and they seem to be pretty happy for it. I probably will raise my kids in a similar type of environment, but I'm going to draw the line at anything I haven't done myself. And I am NOT going to allow my children to participate in any sort of DARE program if they end up in public schools, because DARE only made me more curious and only made it all seem so dangerous and fun. I want my kids to be educated on this stuff by me and people who know what they are talking about, not a bunch of cops whose primary goal is to generate more criminals for them to pick up.
I like to think that most of us who are parents, realize it's our most important job. We perform it to the best of our abilities and sometimes (often) in very trying circumstances. It ain't a job for the faint of heart, or for anyone who has trouble putting others' needs before your own. And despite what you'll find on bookstore shelves, there's no one philosophy of child-rearing that's better than another. I think the approach has to fit the particular child in a particular situation. Not all kids respond the same way to the same stimuli. But you sure as heck can't go wrong by establishing a base of faith and trust with each other. And if the parent shows him/herself to be honest, willing to listen and be fair -- it shouldn't be a surprise when the child follows the same path.
Well said. I was always honest with my son about my smoking. And yet, I know that he was just an amazing child that accepted what I said without numerous questions. I smoked cigarettes at the time; so, smoking "another kind" was no biggie. Since my son's father was an alcoholic, as time progressed, I was practically adamant that I'd rather he smoke than drink. He is now at 27 & basically straight; but, as it has already been stated, all kids don't react the same... I had a couple of friends that had more than one girl...who all asked endless questions and it was simply not as smart nor as easy to be totally honest with them. Sorry, but that is just the way it is/was. Hey, I was once a girl and I KNOW I was a lot more aggravating about basically everything than my brother was. lol I also totally agree with Ramona on NOT wanting my grandchildren (at this point) to participate in DARE or any such program!
While we don't have a DARE program up here in Canada, we have similar things. When I was in my first few years of elementary school, there was "Just Say No". I don't remember any specific programs in high school but lately I've been seeing a new campaign by our federal government called DrugsNot4Me on banner adds in city buses. I also went to catholic(*cringes*) schools, but while growing up most public schools didn't offer French immersion, but all those anti-drug things are all the same. In my opinion if they're going to teach anything about drugs, they should make it unbiased as possible. Telling kids how to have a safe trip would be counterproductive but I think it could be effective if they explained what the common street drugs do, how they work and what causes bad reactions or hangovers. That way teens can make educated choices about these things, since many of them are smart enough to see through the bias, that if they're only being shown the extremely bad side of the coin, there must be an amazing positive side to it as well.
Perfectly said LoneDeranger!!! I don't disagree that moms can have a career. I do say, though that something gives in doing so. No one is super woman, and when you choose to have a full time career, especially, then, someone else often has to play the major role of mother/caregiver. Not a problem for me...I'm not starting a debate. But, I will debate the statement bolded above. Why would you want an independent life? I know there are women out there who need lots of me time and want to remain as "un-mom" as possible...why have children? I hear the "I need me time, so I can be a better mom to them." I understand a little me time...that does not spell independence. Once I had children, that was my main purpose in life. Teaching them, protecting them...etc. i think we all go about it different ways, based on our and our children's personalities/beliefs. But your life's focus SHOULD be on your children (as much as possible) rather than yourself! You are NO LONGER independent...you have the responsiblity of helping to grow an emotioanally and physically stable, happy, human being.
i believe in balance in life and in parenting. i will not get high with my kids and allow my kids to party all the time, however i wont be super strict and expect them to be perfect angels. my kids are all young now so i dont really have to deal with it yet but when it happens i guess i will be somewhere in the middle. my parents were SUPER strict and yet i still snuck out and partied. my husbands parents allowed him to smoke weed and drink and even did it with him when he was a teenager and we are both alright. we both drink and smoke but he definitely does more than i do. not saying that our upbringing has affected that but its possible. his parents have allowed him to have it be part of his normal life therefore he still considers it that way when i consider it more of an extracurricular activity. anyway i will be in the middle. if i know my kids are smoking weed or something, i will try to educate them as best as i can. i wont snoop through their things and steal their weed but i will tell them that if they get caught they will probably get arrested, that type of thing. if they come home drunk i wont call the cops (like my parents did to me lol) but i will tell them to be safe, never drink and drive, only drink with people you trust, etc.. as for harder drugs, i will try to educate them about that as best as i can as well. i have had my own personal experience with coke & heroin and will tell them how quickly those can ruin a persons life if they are abused. i have also had experiences with mushrooms and stuff like that and will tell them that natural things like that are the route to go and mushrooms can be a good experience when you are ready for them. of course i will not be putting these ideas in their heads and will only go there if they ask or are curious about drugs. basically i think that education (the right education, not just "all drugs are bad") is the way to go. they will hopefully make good choices based on that but kids are kids and i'm sure they will make some bad ones too.
I think people have all kinds of theories and ideas about parenthood before they actually become parents. Then when you do become one, you realize that you were naive in so many aspects. At least I will admit this was the case with me. I grew up in a house where we were allowed to do anything as long as it was under our roof with my parents around. This led to my brother being stoned out of his mind throughout high school, and I was drinking and taking pills daily by 14. By the time I was 16, I hated that my parents gave me so much freedom because if I hadn't found someone who could help me, who knows what would have happened to me. I have an 18 year old stepson and we have always been very open about our smoking with him. If he were to ask to smoke with us, I would let him NOW. If he had asked at 12, I would not have. He has not asked and says he has never smoked and never will. I think the best thing you can do when you enter parenthood is to enter it with a completely open mind. There is an ideal image that we may create about what it will be like, but these children have a mind of their own and each one is so different from the next. And the adventure is nothing like you imagined it would be!
