So I had my first DMT trip about a year ago and it was profound, but not as earth shattering as I'd have liked. come my second trip, I'd gained a lot of life experience in a short time and had been through some rough stuff. I was getting into the ideas of meditation and prayer to better yourself. on 4-aco-dmt last summer I had semi religious experiences which are a whole other story really for another thread. But I had my first breakthrough on nn-DMT last october, and it was unbelievably profound. I felt like I'd placed the jewel in my drug-taking crown, I felt totally at peace. in the weeks leading up to this, I'd been praying for a few things - better health, the healing of an injury, happiness, and to get better, quicker, at music. these things had been on my mind for a while and when I tripped it was the music I focused on, but the message got messed up in my mind and I asked for better hearing instead of better musical ability. When I came back down to earth, my hearing had improved. I could hear over longer distances, it was as if a compressor had been implied to my hearing. louder sounds weren't louder, but quieter sounds were. I could hear eveything, and I could almost 'see' the sound, in terms of how far away it was and the direction. I saw 'mr DMT' on this trip (this guy: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IBVPgalgR...00/Seven+Faces+optical+illusion+Alex+Gray.jpg ) and I didnt have the words to ask him anything. but this wish was on my mind and it's as if he granted it. I understood that I could trade my recklessness, my poor attitude, and my mistakes for positivity and ability. instead, I didn't sleep that night and continued taking drugs, tarnishing the purity of the DMT experience. I'm very sensitive with these kinds of drugs, and when I finally arrived home some 12 hours later, after a questionable series of events, in my minds eye I saw gates being closed and was told not to come back. I hadn't upheld my end of the deal, and I reverted back to my old ways. I kept the improved hearing, but I lost the opportunity to improve as a spirit and person. the religious experiences I had on ACO taught me to trust my instinct and go with my gut, and I felt like this nn-DMT experience was my last chance to make that change for good, and when I didn't do it I was punished. It's like I was being punished since that night on halloween last year, every facet of my life has suffered or been damaged measurably. I'm just coming out of it now. thoughts?
The only person in control of your life is you. The only person responsible for your happiness is you. The only person who can change your life is you. Drugs are not sentient. They dont make deals with you. You havent blown your chance to change for the better. You just havent committed yourself to the change in your life that you want/need. You are, however, trapped in a repetitive cycle of masochistic negativity of your own creation, which will continue looping from good to bad until you decide that youre worth committing to, and that you deserve better...and until THAT you makes that change, itll be the same old, same old....
the ability is there to do the same thing with dream cycles. The problem is many people do not know how to approach dreams to correct awakenings.. its possible these awakenening must happen in the light first before one can conduct repair missions in the darkness..
