New from Illiniois..35 years old

Ok i will try and summarize this... as much as possible. Long story short...i knew i was gay early on as a child. Was never attracted to men and never even really dated. I can say that i pretty much denied myself for a long time...just didn't want to be gay and would rather be alone. I never really met any women that i was attracted to until i was about 20. I went to a hair salon and the owner blew me away. She was tall..blonde..sexy...and all i could do was think about her. Years went by...i still never had the courage to approach her. Her salon closed and i ran into her years later (2009) and i finally told her that i had lontime pined for her and thought she was the hottest woman alive...we became friends as she was living with another woman for over 15 years now...and then one day it happened...she asked me for a hug goodbye...and i kissed her. We then went to her bedroom...the rest is history. We carried on and off for about a year or so then it just stopped. Her gf was suspicious of me and it got harder to sneak around. I still talk to her and visited her about a week ago and my feelings are still the same. I know in my heart she'll never be with me but i'll hang on to whatever she gives me at this point ...because i love her more than anything. 2009 was a very bad year for me because my Father passed away and my Mother was diagnosed with cancer...but it also turned out to be the best year for me because i was with the woman of my dreams. I am now torn..still in love with her...but not sure if i should move on or if it's possible. I will not settle for just anyone...so i'm now feeling lonely..wondering if another will ever come along and turn my head the way she did. So for now....my Mom is in remission...doing about the best she can...and i am again..alone...but this time lonely. I've been alone my whole life and it's strange i was never lonely until now. I used to believe in real love...now i'm on shakey ground and not sure what to believe. Anyways...this is my story.

 

welcome to the forums eace:

 

Thanks..Oshinn...