Me and my ex had broken up more than 2 years ago. It was an awful experience for me. She was my first love and we spent over 5 years together. I really believed that she was the love of my life. We decided to be in an open relationship. We never really used our open relationship status that much during most of our time together. We just liked that we could flirt openly. Towards the end, she started hooking up with a guy (she's bi). We mutually agreed on that relationship because we believe that we were strong together. I trusted her as she was telling me that she'll never leave me and that she loved me. But she became more and more distant and she obviously started to fall for him. Instead of withdrawing from the relationship with the guy as we agreed if something was going wrong, she announced me that it was over between us, after 2 month seeing him. I was shocked and it really hurt. We lived together, we planned our life together, we moved across the country together.It was the most unexpected thing that happen in my life. She then kept seeing the guy and denying that she left me for him. I believe that she was mainly struggling with her new hetero identity. But only 8 month after we broke up, they bought a house together.That confirmed to me what really happen. She left me to be with him. We both live in a smallish city and we share a dog. So I never really stopped hearing about her and seeing her after that. We share lots of our good friends too. I requested a 3 months break at one point, after she announced me that they were moving in together, but I don't think it was enough. I have been struggling for 2 years between wanting to get the fuck away from here and wanting to make it better between us. I know she won't come back to me. She seems really happy with her new relationship and I know why our relationship went wrong. I have no chance to get her back now. I fucked up big time, we fucked up big time. But even if I know that, it doesn't help me to get over her. I got myself in a relationship right after the break up. It has been challenging. I really love the woman, she's an amazing person and she loves me so much. But everytime a little something goes wrong, I think about my ex and how it was better with her. I believe that I was really into that relationship at first because it helped me to survive the awful pain of the break up. Being love and loving back was distracting me from the pain. With time, it became more normal. I do love her, but it will never be what my first love was and it's so easy to remember what it was because it's hasn't been that long. Now, it's 2 years after. and I'm still feeling the pain. It is of course a bit less painful but it is still so present in my life. Everytime I see my ex, the following day I hurt more. I still feel so connected to her and still feel that I could fall in love again with her easily. When I don't see her for a while, I have a lot of anger. I spend most of my days thinking about her and having conversation with her where we yell at each other and I'm telling her everything I have on my chest. How she betrayed me, how she fucked me over, how it wasn't fair. But also, how I changed and how I can see that she changed too and that we should have another trial. Some day I don't even believe that we could ever be together anymore, we are so different and my new partner is so much better. Other days, I want her back. I never experience a heart break before and I'm really scare that it's never going to end. I don't think I want to live my life like that. I feel dishonest with my present partner but I don't know how to tell her all that without hurting her. It's not about her, it's about me. Also, I do want to make it work with her but I don't know if it's possible while carrying so much pain. Does anyone out there live with that sort of pain? Please help!
hey foxy...i'm with you. I haven't made that step to even move on yet...people say best thing to get over an old love is a new love and it's not that easy when you sincerely love someone deeply. I found that out the hard way as you did. I am learning it's the first time that cuts the deepest. The only hope i have left...is that i can still love deeply again. I see why so may women have built strong walls around their hearts and never let anyone in. I feel that way now...once bitten twice shy! I also learned no matter how long you go without seeing her or talking to her...she's still on your mind constant. It's even harder when you feel that she doesn't even care you're hurting. That is the price we pay for love...i know what you're feeling...all too well. I would play the fool a million times to be with her again...but i think we both know..we just have to move on...but don't settle...if you're not in love with your current partner..it's never going to get better and you're right ..it's not fair to either of you. Getting over these 2 bitches should probably be both of our priorites at this point. lol Good luck to you. Wish i could get some help on this issue myself.
Thanks lost. I knew that I wasn't the only one feeling that awful pain. I biggest fear is to never love that way again. To get over her is one thing, to get over having lost my best friend is another, but to get over never living that wonderful in love feeling ever in my life, I'm not sure I can do it. On good day, I like to think that I was lucky to have felt that once in my life. One bad days I wish I didn't know about the feeling so that I will not miss it. I do love my current partner but I'm not head over heal for her. We have a respectful, fun and sexy relationship. She loves me so much and I feel that it's one thing I really need right now. I want to believe that it is possible to get over someone while building something new with someone else. I biggest wish right now is to be away from my ex. It seems that more I wish it and more she's everywhere. It must be hell! Hope this will end one day...
They say time heals everything...i'm not so sure. I do wish you luck. It's a journey only you can choose where it takes you. But i'm sure there are lots going through the same thing..it is a part of life..and you can't close yourself out. You're on the right road so far because you're being honest with yourself...but are you being honest wih your gf? I also wanted to mention a couple things that kind of make me feel better...one thing is...i've lost many people in my life...i couldn't imagine something happening to her..so be thankful she is ok...and if she's happy. All i cared about was seeing her happy..loving life. These things can still comfort you eventhough you can no longer be in her life...it really could be worse. Hope this helps you.
