Best friend (and bandmember) built a (social) wall, advice?

Hey people.

So, one of my best friends has an issue(s) right now, and im tired of just talking to other friends about it because its not yielding much help.

Met this guy over 2 years ago, in grade 11 english. Lets refer to him by a completly seemingly arbitrary letter, "M". M became my best friend fast. Bonded over weed and jim morrison, since we were the only ones in the advanced program classes that played music and smoked pot (well, back then at least).

he plays guitar, sings, and is one hell of a songwriter. I play bass and trombone. We were in 3 bands together, a metal band, followed by a metalcore band, and weve been in a reggae ska rock band for over a year and a half (until a month ago actually), called Fiction Smiles (search us on myspace or fb if you want). Had alot of fun, played like 30 shows, and actually released a full album and were singed to a local reord label for abit.

Anyways, near the end of the school year, him and his mom got a place 3 bloks from the school, we would always chill there and smoke up. Summer 2010, we graduated, his mom moved out, and one of our friends from a previous band (and incidentally a pot dealer heheh) moved in with him. Life was awesome.

As the fall came though, M really started to change. he always had some family issues (his mom spoils him and tries to act as a best friend rather than a mom, his dad lives in BC), but like october is the last time he actually asked me if i wanted to come over. That fall they both sold herb and mush, and friends from highschool would come over all the time, chill, smoke up, and party. M started becoming withdrawn from everyone after a while.

I think part of it might be how much pot he smokes, because in the past 6 months hes tried to quit weed like at least 11 times. prbly smokes so much because all he does is work now mostly, but hes seriously the most apathetic person ive ever met in my entire life. He only leaves his house for work and to get food, and never goes far. He has become so antisocial that he asks our other friend to call his dealer for him. Its pretty sad.

part of the problem is that he hates talking about his feelings, and will effortlessly give up any project he is involved in if it requires confronting someone about anything. Last month, he texted me and our drummer, and said he was quitting the band-- a week later he texted us back and said he regrests doing that and wants to go onto indefinite hiatus for a while.

I dont know if hes ever gonna be back to normal tho. i think he was definitely getting bored of it, but the main reason he split was because he would always get into arguments with our drummer. The drummer, "S" can be kinda anal about somethings, but M treated us like shit and only did whatever the hell he wanted to, and would never show remorse. Like hes literally a different person.

The only people he talks to now are 2 new people he jams with, one of my best friends, and his ex who i also used to be friends with. They broke up like over a year ago but still fuck all the time cuz she is crazy and has no reason to live without him becase her life has always kinda sucked. She literally revolves her life around him.

bottom line: he legit does not give a fuck about anything. i feel bad for him because of his outlook on everything, the sheer apathy. he has alot of symtoms of depression (like all of them lol), but he apparently says sometimes he wishes he could be depressed (i think thats kind of retarded). All he does is smoke bags and bags of weed and sits in his room. Hes pretty anti religious too, to the point where he thinks that anyone who is religious is irrational. I tried to tell him of the irrationalty of that, but he didnt care. (was drunk on everclear at the time-- after he turned 18 he got drunk on everclear all the time for 3 weeks, then realized how sketchy that is).

hes a completely different person now, and me and him never see each other anymore. I think hes gonna go crazy, but im only 18 and im sure other people have seen people in situations like this so hopefully i can get some advice about what could be going on with him.

Feel free to ask me questions, srry this is so long also. Wouldnt make sense at all if it was condensed.

 

I have a friend who went down this EXACT same path. I feel for you man it sucks. Some people just cannot live that life style.

 

While his use of cannabis may not help his situation, really I think his problem is that he's 18. The most common symptoms of being 18 are;

-Not giving a fuck

-Not giving a fuck about anyone but yourself

-Abusing substances

-Only keeping company with people who are providing you with something

-Being anti-social/vehemently anti-religious

-Thinking that you're always right


Everybody has to go through the dick-head days. He'll grow out of it once he realises that as people grow up their tolerance for juvenile bullshit goes way, way down. That or he'll end up severing all his ties with decent people and becoming a real dead beat, in which case that's his own fault as he will have brought it upon himself.

 

You might consider calling or emailing him and telling him that as a friend, you're concerned about him. Assure him if there's any issue he might like to talk about sometime, you'll listen.

If he rejects or ignores you, I'd avoid him for a few weeks and then make the same offer again, if you feel the same way. Sometimes, all we can do for our friends is remind them we're there for them. Sometimes, that's all a friend needs to hear to feel better.