Ok so i have been talking to my Ex again...visiting her like once a week. Today..she called me..her GF is out of town for the night..she was raking the yard and asked if i wanted to come over and help. Of course..i went over there. We spent a couple hours outside raking and then went inside...sat and talked for a bit..then she said she had to take a shower...i'm thinking that is my hint to leave but i said well can i come with you? She said yes..that she wanted me to talk to her why she was showering. So..of course now here i am in her bathroom with her..she strips naked...of course i'm in heaven now. I behaved..sat and talked to her while she showered...and then we talked a bit more and i went home. I tried taking advantage of the fact her gf wasn't there...i wanted to spend as much time with her as i could...asked if she wanted to go to dinner...she refused..said she was gonna have a salad...i then called her a little later to make sure that she didn't need anything...she then said she might like some vodka then changed her mind..i told her to call me if she changes her mind again..that i will come running ...she laughed as if to say ...i know you would...but she was fine. Also..mind you...she grabbed my ass playfully as she walked by me at one point too. The reason i am telling you all this is because i am so confused on what to do. I really wanted to grab her and kiss her today...but i don't want to ruin our friendship if that is all she is wanting now. I can't ask her this kind of shit because she hates when things get too heavy so i totally avoid heavy issues. I know how much of a fool i am but i love her to the depth of my soul and i'll take anything...even if it's just her friendship. I just wish i knew what to do and how she felt...i am hoping someone will read this and tell me what they think. Now that she actually got naked in front of me...confuses me even more. If she didn't want me and just wanted to be a friend...would she have done that today? Naturally...i have seen her naked before...but if she just wanted to remain friends...would she have done that? Any help appreciated...i am so lost...and i can't afford to make any mistakes or i know i will lose even her friendship...what should i do?
I think you should've grabbed her and kissed her today. Don't worry about your friendship bc that's not what you want with her right I say go for it!
You're right! I would have kissed her if i wasn't all dirty and sweaty from working outside...next time i am at her house...i will wait for that right moment. I hope i don't fuck up the friendship by trying to kiss her though. Wish me luck...uncertain the next time i will see her but i will make my move...and update you lol. Thanks for the advice. If it doesn't work out...i'll have someone to blame lol jk.
I believe that love and healthy relationship are about trust, honesty and good communication. It seems to me that your ex is playing with you a little bit. Be careful with your heart. If you still love her, let her know that your friendship means a lot for you but you still need some time to heal from your heartache. You can tell her that it would help if she was careful around you for that period of time. When me and my ex broke up, I was destroyed. She was the one who left. I know she still had feeling for me after the break up, and she will often "play" with me in that same way, but not as brutal than getting naked in front of me. There's games that we play without even knowing. Some people like to know that you still love them despite the fact that they are not in love with you anymore. It makes them feel more secure or sometimes, they are just confused. I don't know your ex so I don't know which category she falls into. But one thing for sure, what she did was on purpose. She wanted you to react. Maybe she needs to sabotage the new relationship she's in, maybe she have regrets. You won't know until you speak up and honor your own feeling. I played the "pull and push" game way to long with my ex. At the end it destroyed the potential friendship we both wanted. It takes time to get over a true love. I was not patient enough to give it enough space and now I feel too many awkward post break up moments have ruin our potential to have a true friendship. Good luck and patience my friend.
I agree with u somewhat foxy. I had an afair with this woman so she was already living with her present gf and they have been together for 15 years. I am confused about a whole lot as this was my first love. I would like to believe she wouldn't be that cruel to play with my heart. Although...she does know i'm still in love with her...so getting naked in front of me ...oh she knew what i was thinking...as i said above if i wasn't all dirty from working outside..i would have grabbed her and kissed her...but i guess a part of me is scared of losing her for good if she rejects me because then she will think i can't handle being her friend...i guess maybe i can't....man love sucks! I never thought i would play a fool...but i'm learning that i'll play the fool over and over for her...as pathetic as it sounds...it's true. But..at this point...another pathetic point i may add...i feel like i have to take what i can get and hold on as long as i can...to whatever she gives me. Just hearing her voice on the phone means so much to me. She knows she has me on a string...and i'll hang around as long as she lets me. Yea...i know i'm stupid...but she's so sexy...it would be so much easier to leave her alone if she were ugly lol Anyways...thanks for the good luck..i'll need it.
I agree scratcho...i hold honor to high value...as well as honest communication...i am blinded at the moment by love...sad but true i sort of lost myself a bit....caught up in the moments...but this is my first love...and she is the only person i will ever play a fool for...wish i didn't but...i'll take what i can get...she means everything to me. I honor her....more than i do myself..but i can't help it. I follow my heart.
Ok..so i thought i might try sending an email since i probably wont see her again for awhile (until her gf goes out of town again)..and i tried hinting a bit how i felt..i copied and pasted my email and her response below. What do you think? Hey...i just want you to know...i enjoyed spending time with you today..doesn't matter if it was just to help you rake. I just like being around you..talking to you..hanging out...i miss that. I am not sure if/when i will see you again...but it's nice atleast to talk to you now and then..hear your voice and know you're doing well. I will admit..it is hard for me not to ask for a hug goodbye...but i know what that leads to..because i've learned with YOU.......i'm not a hugger lol. I'm very proud of myself after today...you are so very beautiful and so very tempting...and you were so very naked..... and i behaved. I really wanted to grab you and kiss you..honestly. But...i am very happy just to be something in your life ..Linda. I am always going to think you are the sexiest woman alive...you know this! But..i know my role....i know to behave...and i'm grateful i can still see you..and wouldn't mess that up for anything. Oh...and you missed some kick ass chicken...my only chance to ever cook for you and you ate salad..pfft lol. Anyways...just wanted to drop you a line..goodnight. ok so clearly she knows from this email where i was coming from...now here was her response.... Man, did I ever crash out last night! That was the firswt good workiout I have had. Thanks again so very much for helping, it was nice to see and spend time with you too. I enjoyed it. Just wish I had of been left with a little more energy! i CAN see by all the mistakes I am making here that I must cut my nails a bit. Have a wonderful day. Talk to ya later... Now see...not any acknowledgment of anything i said to her...this is why it's hard to talk to her...she's totally avoiding the issues. And the whole energy comment is confusing too..now i'm wondering if she wasn't so tired..if she would have wanted me to stay...she's got me all twisted..lol
Maybe you should ask yourself just what good it will do to hang on to something that is gone. There are many,many other people out there and her answer should tell you that she has moved on. I hope you can move on from this because you deserve someone that wants to be with you and cares about you. It hurts to love and not be loved in return, so I think for your mental health,you must do so. Hope this helps---but probably won't. Take care.
I guess i still hold on because it's all i have and i have yet to meet another woman that i am attracted to in that way. I am not attracted to many women in a sexual way. These last couple of years have been the best and the worst of my entire life. I've always been kind of a loner...felt out of place because i was gay...not many gay folks out and about where i live. My Father died almost 2 years ago..and my Mother was diagnosed with lymphoma and is terminally ill now from a disease not many have heard of before and she is dying a slow..painful death. My Brother is an abusive dick..who is and always will be dead to me. So ...i guess you can say i was already mentally fucked so i can't blame her for that. I don't know...i guess she tried puting me out of my misery by ignoring me for a long time...but i still kept trying for her attention. I do blame myself. I normally don't trust anyone ..and i trusted in the wrong person..eventhough my head knows that...my heart wont let her go. Other than my parents...i've never experienced love. I was hooked on the feeling i suppose. I know she doesn't really care if i'm alive...and i should let her go. And...i know i can't just be her friend...but i don't have anything else in the world to hold onto..that really matters. I wish i could meet a beautiful..honest..caring...sincere woman that could turn my head..and make me get over this...but where i am...just not possible. I have been thinking a lot about it and even said to my ex the other day...that when my Mother is gone...i am getting in my car and driving and not looking back. I wont know what to do with myself and will be completely alone in the world. I think that is why part of my really can't let her go..she's all i have...as pathetic as that sounds. Anyways...
Ok this is the last post on this depressing topic...i just made a total ass out of myself ...sent an email to her telling her how i felt..that i was walking away for good...that being her friend hurts too much..as soon as i hit send...REGRET!!! So..what do i do? My dumbass..loser..fucking..self..emails her again and tells her to ignore the email...i'm fucked in the head right now..confused as all hell...and asked that she not hold me to it. So...it's official..i fucked up...so i probably wont ever hear from her again now.,,,which i know is for the best deep down. Funny thing is she just changed her password to her email...i was gonna delete it before she saw it but i can't now. Either way...this thread is closed as far as i am concerned...thanks to all for your advice and thoughts.
Get in that car and get down the road! Go to SF or someplace where you will be in a position to meet people that feel as you do. Make your own luck.
