Have any of you been in a situation where you and your spouse/significant other desperately want a child but been unable to conceive because of sperm deficiencies, and too broke to afford fertility treatments, etc.? I'm interested if any of you considered a surrogate husband to donate sperm naturally? Have you or anyone you know actually used this method to conceive? How did it (or how would it) affect your marriage/relationship?
Um, sex with another guy to get pregnent?? That would be a tough call. You partner would have to be really open minded to see the woman he loves do that (not literally)(Well I guess some people are into that). I can say personally, that would be way to high a price for me...
how your husband/bf feels about this is certainly important is it that you and he would much prefer to have a child together, but you both still want a child even if you can't? how important is the biological aspect? there are lots and lots of kids that need homes and who would like to be adopted. Little babies are much harder to come by, but if they are a little older I think that there are plenty that you could adopt. If you are really certain that you want to carry a baby, there may be a number of options. I think that with artificial insemination, they just have the guy jazz in a cup, and then squirt it in with a turkey baster (sorry if this sounds crude). So I think that is something you could do on your own. I'm sure that the natural sex method would work just fine, but I think that it could be a problem with your relationship. research this stuff on-line maybe
It is the legal and moral issues..as the bio dad what if i found out your hubby was abusive to the kid or gets pissed off 20 years later and tells baby..i'm not your dad
You all have very valid points. Especially as to what may happen in the future with the bio dad and child. As far as the method of insemination, the OP is in a complete and total open marriage. (Even has a boyfriend husband has ok'd) So that part should not be an issue. I'm sure the OP & hubby will procede with caution.
Do you know exactly why you're not conceiving? You seem very eager to attribute it to your husband and that it isn't fixable with a lot of money. Generic Clomid is available as a $5 prescription at Wal-Mart, and it is just as likely you may be anovulatory.
I really wouldn't put it past this woman to be sabotaging her husbands attempts at conception so she can have her black boyfriend knock her up. This from the woman who admitted that one of the ground rules of her open marriage was for the John to not cum in her and then she broke that rule.... few months later and she's asking about surrogate fathers.... lmao The more you post the more I think you are the most elaborate internet troll ever Amyoxl. You really think if you can't afford fertility treatments you should be having kids? You are so damaged - lol... if all your stores are true Amyoxl understand something - it's not your lifestyle that disgusts me - it's the obvious fact that you are a selfish and self-delusional person with an ego - that's what disgusts me.
Adoption is always an option although also expensive, but the couple would very much like to preserve the maternal biological connection even if the paternal one isn't possible. You are so right about the older kids needing a loving home. You sound like a loving person. Thank you! Thankfully legal issues can be handled a lot cheaper than fertility issues, so I suppose that would be covered no matter what the couple decide to do. The couple is considering whether the bio dad should be a part the childs life - either option can be covered legally - but right now the larger issue is whether they should even use this method of conception. I would think that the parents would be upfront and forthcoming as to the child's paternity when the child is old enough to understand. As to the future relationship between father and child, how is any woman guaranteed a good man and father to her children? She tries to marry well and intelligently (and avoid men like Yazzz). If a man is mean and abusive, he will be mean and abusive to his biological children, too. Thanks for your input, Rollngalong. You all assume (wrongly) that the situation I described in the OP is mine. I apologize for that - I should have made it plain that the couple is not my husband and me. But thanks, Keenman, for the nice and non-judgemental way you describe my marriage. I especially appreciate the "complete" part.
I admit that I really do not know all that the couple have done to determine the lack of viable sperm, but I assume the semen has been under a microscope, hopefully examined by a professional. I'll pass along your suggestion. Thanks! You are obviously a racist, Yazzz, and a sexist, and a stalker - all of which I already knew. Now you are revealing that you are also an elitist based on your belief that only wealthy people are entitiled to parenthood. But thanks for your criticisms - I will wear them proudly since they come from such a vile individual as yourself.
I myself wouldn't have a problem being a surrogate husband. I would have to be assured the couple (guy too) would be loving and care for the child. The actual husband would be the father of the child, no matter what, and I would make sure they understood that.
And you're a dumb redneck who thinks she is enlightened because she was raised poorly by overly religious close minded people and found her way out of that atmosphere. Strange that my black girlfriend of 1.5 years didn't notice my intense and burning RACISM!!! Your retorts always try to pick apart stupid shit I say in a teenage attempt at disqualifying what I'm saying. I'm sure your enlightened brain thinks you are very clever.
So what would an enlightened person do, in your opinion? Stay in that bullshit life? WTF do you want her to do?
Is infertility treatment really that expensive? From what I know it's quite successful. I'd suggest they save some money and try treatment first. Even if it's difficult for them to put enough money aside, I'd wager the effort would be good for their relationship. If I was in that husband's position, I'd probably feel bitter knowing that the child could be mine, if only we saved some money. It all comes down to the father. If they both honestly agree to a sperm donor, than I don't see a problem.
It isn't unheard of. A religious sect realized that they were becoming too inbred and the whole sect actively sought out sperm donors. First of all, the donor had to have a letter from a doctor stating that he was healthy and did not carry any STDs. Then, I understand, it was a bit un-nerving, at first, to sleep woth another man's wife (of child-bearing age) for two weeks so that she could conceive. The donor was also required to show that he was not, in any way, related to any members of the sect. One of the guys I talked to said (bragged) that he'd gotten 12 women pregnant in 6 months and didn't have to worry about any child support. He also said he received financial compensation for "stud-service". The sect chose that option as a whole. You and your spouse/so have to BOTH decide if that's right for you. It requires some very careful consideration BEFORE, because it is possible to affect your relationship in the future, even if he agrees at this point.
Thanks, RiffRaff - Good advice Quit stalking me or I'll report you, scum! Thanks, zero but don't encourage him (her??) - you can't win with bitter people. I understand it can be minimally 15K for each try, depending on the type of treatment. Also I'm told the sperm count is quite low which doesn't bode well for success. Actually, what you have posted raises a few more red flags that I don't think the couple have considered yet (or maybe just haven't mentioned it to me) re the sexual history of the potential candidate.
For those of you who may be interested, I have pretty much concluded that I can't in good faith recommend the couple proceed in this direction for reasons some of you brought out here and elsewhere, and a dozen other possible minefields not the least of which is the possible harm to their relationship. My husband is a generous sort (right, Yazz??) and is considering a gift matching whatever money the couple can come up with (from among their parents, themselves and whomever) for the purpose of a less natural conception, be it fertility treatments, artificial insemination or adoption. Thanks for all of your replies.
There is also a serious consideration for the "donor" as well. A few years ago, a court (I think it was in CA) ruled that the donor is financially responsible if there are hereditary medical problems that may be traced back to him. And, the court also stated that the donor to a sperm bank may also be liable for child support. There are quite a number of things to be considered all around. It's not just a matter of jumping into bed and enjoying, and then walking away from it, unless there is an agreement beforehand. Even then, hereditary complications can still come back to the donor. There are a whole lot of things to consider (on all sides) before proceeding.
