Relationship Help

Arguably the best piece of advice ever.

 

I counseled youth for almost ten years and I tend to agree with those who have posted in favor of letting your son experience the consequences of his own actions and decisions. Also, as was pointed out before, what is most important is that you maintain and nourish the relationship you have with your son - which is not likely to occur if you forbid him from seeing the crazy girl that he has feelings for. When a child reaches sixteen (arguably, a bit younger... and recognizing that every relationship has its' own cast of characters... maybe a bit older) a parent may be well served to start making the transition from rule maker to advice giver. And, as strange as it may sound, you may want to seek advice from your own son. Let him know you're having a hard time with it and that you love him. A good time to do this might be if/when you tell him you've changed your mind about forbidding him from seeing the girl. He could offer to help you out with the hard time you're having There is no "right" way to do it. Just be present to the love you have for your son and have the courage to watch him take some knocks.

 

I especially think this(the part in bold letters) is very important. Doesn't sound strange to me, young people are by no means unintelligent. And they also tend to have more sensible way of looking at things in many cases, than an adult might. Very good advice. Actually I think this one's the best because you mention "seeking advice from the son" thing which I totally agree on. :sunny:

 

Thanks!

One other thing I would ad... it is difficult for us humans to be with being vulnerable. As we grow older we develope our own ways of dealing with this - mostly by reducing risk and making plans to the best of our abilities. In the end, we're still vulnerable to physical and emotional bummers. And without really meaning to, we often teach our children that it's "bad" when things don't go the way we want them to go. It's easy for a young person to interpret this as meaning they are bad when things don't go the way they/you want them to.
In trying to offset this frequently occuring dyanmic it's helpful to convey your concerns as just some things to watch out for... not a disaster. Be on the same team as your son and keep in mind he is fast becoming the captain of that team. With your wisdom and his invincible attitude you'll make a great team!

 

When this crazy girl threatens to kill herself, does anyone try to get her 5150?

 

You're welcome, and the above reply of yours is a truly wonderful one, too. Great advice, and hopefully the OP will find it helpful in improving their situation.

I think it's really cool that you promote the concept of mutual respect and EQUAL(or at least close to being equal) rights between children and their parents. It's very important. Especially when kids becomes teens, they will start to really become more independent and develop this inevitable urge to test out their ability to function on their own in this world. Being condescending would only produce negative results, because the kids would just resent that. But if parents focused on what you suggested above, on making sure that their kids understood the both parties were on the same team, kids would feel less threatened by the presence of their parents.

Cheers.

 

Peavey, or EVH? xDD

 

Not to beat a dead horse... but here is something I read a while back that says all this more eloquently

On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
​

 

LOlz

Why is it when people turn into parents they seem to have a complete memory loss as to what they were like as teenagers, or what other teenagers were like?