now sometimes I think about how maybe I am just put in this program or system or like some kinda shit like God put me in the life thing to test me and I have to make it through... sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a "level" of development and point in life and I have to make a realization and break through before I get to the next level or point in progress. i think when people stop giving you attention you die to them for a short period of time until you upset their surroundings, and the other way round if I stop focusing on someone in my mind they die to me, they still reside in this world out here but not really to me, they don't effect or affect me. ignoring is killing? I look at people as robots too like clusters of "genetics" (programs) walking around and it makes since cause they have the electricity in their brain and they have been programmed through life by the other robots and shit like they are brainwashed to act certain ways and controlled by the genetics and programs instilled in their brains and need a drastic shake or change to shake this way of "functioning"... I sometimes think as people not so much as deserving of being stewards of good will but blocks in my development and parasite creatures like in nature you have different levels of creatures, some who t ake some who give some who do both, well I think of most as parasite level. what you put out is what you get back, I see when I walk into a room and give out love and care and like attention shed to others I always recieve it back, if I start treating people with love they act the same, but if i act hatefully they act the same, like everything is a mirror of me... like the grateful dead, cosmically maybe in the song is trying to tell me "you are the eyes of the world" not so much God but in my point of view I am to overcome and get through in my own situation... i sometimes think i am losing my sanity... but at others think i am more sane than most. any sense in this? relations?
I have similar thoughts as you do about how others are a mirror of the self. This may be slightly off topic but a couple days ago I had a dream where I was looking into some guy's eyes, and he told me that my ego is too big. And I would respond by saying something like "Everyone's got an ego, it's just the nature of humans" but he would repeat exactly what I said as i was saying it. I woke up and it felt as if the guy I had just spoken to was a representation of my ego. Then yesterday I was at Starbucks with my gf chattin and sitting side by side on the sofa, when I looked into her eyes and it felt for a moment as though she was a reflection of me, and it reminded me of the dream I had. And what you were saying about what you give is what you get, I believe there is a sense of obligation, even on the subconscious level, that comes with any exchange between two people. Even in small actions like for example saying "good morning" to an acquaintance, they will most likely feel obliged to reply. I sometimes think I am losing my sanity as well! people say I'm a composed person, and on the outside I am, but I don't always have the most tranquil thoughts haha..
Yup I can relate . Neither of you are losing your sanity . The world is insane and sick the programmed robot sheepole are insane . To the point they are so sick and programmed they think it's normal to think and act the way they do today . When It is in fact not . I.m.o most are parasites and users who project fake images only to usurp and get what they want . Most like electricity follow the path of least resistance . I really think there are very few people who can really see it for what it is . And understand what's really going on . I do believe also that we were placed here in this program like maze by God given free will to choose its path to success or destruction , or somewhere in between . Almost every human interaction to me is a stumbling block for spiritual development . VERY few today are spiritual at all , or seek anything outside the want of selfish instant gratification . Selfishness rules too many today . Consuming ego's are an unpleasant side effect . How most can go through the world seemingly unaware or not phased by the insanity of the state of the world today is beyond me . I guess the old saying ignorance is bliss is true . I just think it's sad that most seem to be such marginal human beings , that they just don't care or are content following the herd of so many just like themselves . Instead of finding their own strength and intestinal fortitude to stand alone and be different to shatter their chains of indifference and negative energy . None of us are perfect by any means . I think some just have a higher moral fiber and character then some others . Some care ,some don't . Some are builders , some destroyers , some givers , some takers , some positive, some negative , some good , some bad . And the core of human existence lies somewhere in the middle of all these traits . That's the challenge and meaning of this life to see weather your moral compass needle stays in the middle or positive or to the negative . Most are fence sitters yet to choose which , but all will choose sooner or later . And yes I believe there are several "realizations" one must make about humanity to evolve to next level scenarios . They involve total truth and willingness to look deep inside to confront and change oneself from within . One of the hardest tasks to do in life . As Truth is unpleasant sometimes , but the mirror never lies .
I kind of relate to what you're saying about the "level" thing. When I was growing up, through school especially, I used to think of people's groups of friends on different psychological levels. And from these psychological levels there were kind of sub-genres. For example, imagine there's a tree which grows it's trunk, and the trunk represents fundamental emotions like love, anger and happiness; everyone must begin with these to grow as a person. Next, the trunk splits into two different branches, which represent the influence of things such as religion and morals which are taught to you by your parents at a young age; these being quite low and large on the tree are hard to think past (i.e. it's quite hard to change to another branch at this point and beat the social indoctrination). Next, as the branches grow they come to another confluence and split again, leading to even thiner branches which represent influence from society and your friends. As the branches grow further they become thinner as your friend group develop their own humor and personality. However, all this time the branch is getting thiner and easier to cross to another branch. Finally from these branches grow leaves and such, which represents our own personality in that group of friends. Although through time your branches thicken and there becomes a social nostalgia between your friends which holds you together. Weird I know But I got very bored through high school and thought up lots of weird similes like this.
I've read all three of your replies and appreciate the conversation! okay. 1. I think about ego's of people, like we see these characters in books and movies, shows, people we look up to and aspire to be like in some way, so we make up a personality to conform to and live by, even our morals and ethics and affected by this personality make up they have made for themselves. like kids grow up thinking hippies are cool for some reason these kids grow to be the vegan environmentalist liberal pro drug type of people... these kids see the gangster type personality, they turn to be materialistic selfish, kinda of domineering of women, "immature"... or the red neckie people they grow to have the same morals as a stereotypical redneck would. and exc. exc. I guess this could go into how much our entertainment media controls us... and also, I guess how you were raised and y our environment does but a lot of the times it seems people personalities or egos are what they aspire to be. 2. I pretty much just don't have any opinions because what you typed sums up very well what I think pertaining to that. 3. lol i was observative (made up word? lol) in high school as well... it's so weird how the cliques work they all usually have the same moral ethical values, similar emotional states, backgrounds... it's so consistent.
