So this is something that has been on my mind for a very long time but only now is it starting to make itself more adamant in my mind. It's all I can think about and even when I'm sleeping I can't think of anything else. Basically my story is that about 3 years in my sophomore year in high school I met this girl. She was just showed up one day in my class and nobody knew who she was. Anyway, you know how most people say that they feel an instant connection to someone when they first make eye contact? Well that's kinda what happened with me. saw her and I just had this feeling that she was somehow going to become part of my life. Well after a few weeks, she suddenly just disappeared. No one knew where she was or what happened. While I had probably said maybe less than 10 words to her the time she was here, I found myself being very concerned about her. I even googled her name just to make sure nothing really bad happened to her. About two weeks later, she came back. I found myself looking in her general direction and then I just asked her "So, what happened to you?" She seemed almost surprised that I was asking but responded "Oh, I just got a really bad case of pneumonia. I have a very bad immune system." From then on, I started to become really good friends with her. At the end of the year she asked me for my phone number. "So we can hang out over the summer" was the reason she gave. I had had many people say the same thing but never follow through, so I wasn't expecting it when she did actually call me and asked if I just wanted to hang with her. I immediately said yes because I was just mostly excited that she did actually want to be friends with me. What I didn't know was that she also invited her now ex-boyfriend. I was really eager to get to know her, but apparently her boyfriend didn't feel like sharing. I was buying some ice cream and when I looked back, they were both gone. Now being by yourself, at night, at a place you don't know can be not fun at all. I called her over and over and got no answer. Well long story short, her boyfriend decided that seeing her every day wasn't enough and was just being a jerk. But I didn't want to stop being friends with her because I just kept thinking that I wanted her in my life. Well she eventually broke up with him, and when I heard that, for some reason, I felt really really happy. At the time I said I was just glad that she saw who he really was. But not long after, she started going out with someone else, who was just as possessive as her last boyfriend. It would be right before school started and I would want to talk to her, and he would literally pull her away and he wouldn't even talk to her, he just wanted her next to him. This was when I realized that I was feeling kind of jealous because I wanted to talk to her and he would be a jerk and treat her like she was his property. I never said anything because I knew that she really liked him and he did have his moments when he could be very nice. But basically a few months ago, it was just starting to get ridiculous. I would ask her to help me with some work, and he would turn around towards her and see that she was helping me, but he would grab her face and turn it towards him, leaving me completely ignored. I was starting to notice that I just couldn't take that anymore, all the while slowly realizing that maybe I was jealous, and I stopped eating lunch with her. The times that I would hang out with her, he was always there, keeping her to himself. I then just stopped seeing her altogether. Before school, lunch, passing periods, after school, I didn't see her at all. One day, she came up to me and asked "Why don't you eat lunch with us anymore. I really miss you" Now I was already in kind of a foul mood and it just wasn't a good time. "How can you miss me when you don't even talk to me?" "What do you mean? I do talk to you." "Yea for about 5 seconds before a certain someone decides he needs more attention." We then got into an argument about she just lets him treat her like a piece of meat and he doesn't take her seriously at all. After that we really didn't talk much. I was afraid that I might have messed it up for good. Until one day, when everything changed. It was in the morning and she was talking to another one of my friends and all I heard was "...and he's refusing to text me back. He's being stupid!" Mostly out of curiosity, I asked her what was wrong. "Ok, well here's the latest news. I'm bi." I heard her talking and was understanding what she said, but at the same time, my mind was in a tizzy. 'Does this mean I might have a chance?' I thought that to myself but as soon as I did, I quickly dismissed it. Well, events afterward, she broke up with him because he was acting like a baby, but they are still friends and she told me that he already likes someone else. All the while, the feelings that were kind of small at first just kept growing inside of me. It's become all I can think about and, embarrassing as it is to say, I've even begun to have thoughts about her. They're not really anything to risqué, mostly just up to second base. I thought that maybe I had lost my chance when she said she really wanted to go out with a girl who was a friend of mine, but later on I found out my other had turned her down because she thought it might to more physical on her end. Lately though, she and I have been spending a lot more time together. On Friday, we had a little assembly where people who had lost relatives to drunk driving accidents talked to us. It had really hit her hard because she knew people who died because of those. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I just grabbed her hand and she grabbed mine. We stayed like that like for the rest of the time. Now primarily, I was just trying to be a good friend and comfort her when she needed it. But in the back of my mind, I liked it. 'I would love for it to be like this all the time. So close to me, our hands entwined like this. I love this.' When I grabbed her hand, I felt little sparks shoot up my arm. Not like a shock, but more so a feeling. So now, I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do about this. I want to tell her how I feel but I'm afraid. I've never felt like this before and I want to explore this feeling, but I'm just so scared. I haven't been able to talk to her at all, not even leave funny comments on her facbook. What should I do? Do I take a leap of faith and tell her everything? I just really need some advice. I didn't mean for this to be so long, I just wanted to get it all out there. So please, just give me your opinion or advice on this, because I could really use it.
Go for it! You only live once...timing is always everything...and sometimes you only get one chance. Try before someone else gets their chance.
So I built up my courage and I talked to her. The end result, me on my bathroom floor crying my eyes out while finding out that she is a selfish bitch who only cares about herself and doesn't give a second thought to those she may hurt along the way. But the worst part is that even though she did something so horrible to me, my feelings for her haven't changed. Is this just me being stupid? I just don't know anymore.
I am sorry that it didn't turn out so good for you but you had to take the chance. It's not stupid to care about someone...sometimes we just care about the wrong people. Invest in someone that cares about your feelings...cut ties with those that don't....before they get hold of your heart.
