These Voices

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by OceanWalker, Sep 27, 2010.

  1. OceanWalker

    OceanWalker Member

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    Maybe the truth is in Numbers and Equations
    Maybe in Sight and Sound
    Perhaps in these voices, beat by pound
    that invade like smoke, but fix like nicotine
    my feet to the ground and mind to the clouds
    "I've been set free, and I've been bound."
    I've touched the surface, as light played and water danced dizzy in these lungs
    I've touched her skin, warmer than the alley fire
    as "We'll live and die in this bed -" She said "tonight."
    Magick took flight like imperial fireflies
    Maybe I'll know, maybe I'll see more from these Orange and Yellowed leaves,
    or the bite of the final season breaking skin, searching for synergy..

    May He be God or the Devil, or Me
    or the three swimming, raging at Sea
    At War, Atlantic crashing wave against wave, but never leaving the sand quite the same

    ..King Neptune "of the wine dark sea" be the victor where they break on the reef..
     
  2. OceanWalker

    OceanWalker Member

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    This poem fucking blows
     
  3. rambleON

    rambleON Coup

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    I like the opening but then I felt you took this in two directions when it was clear only one path was needed. Rework this because you have a lot of good lines , it just did not mean anything.
     
  4. OceanWalker

    OceanWalker Member

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    Trying to record my thoughts and emotions often ends in cognitive dissonance, and picture reels, kind of like watching a film in fast forward and looking down every once in a while
     
  5. rambleON

    rambleON Coup

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    forget ending in cognitive dissonance, get right into that subconscious. There is a black hole of stuff to draw out...

    Are you "stressed" out when you write ? No saying you are or not, but you should be in the best mood of your life when you write...the results are much much much more.
     
  6. OceanWalker

    OceanWalker Member

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    Usually it's like I go into a day dream, and see all these pictures and situations. Lately I've been in that good mood where I feel like 'I'm comfortable, I'm writing, It feels good to be writing' and so on. When I wrote this poem I was having a shitty day, it's just about racing thought's, and the end is sort of a prayer for sanity
     
  7. OceanWalker

    OceanWalker Member

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    Thanks a lot for your advice, Ramble. I truly appreciate it.
     
  8. rambleON

    rambleON Coup

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    keep it up...I liked this a lot

    Maybe the truth is in Numbers and Equations
    Maybe in Sight and Sound
    Perhaps in these voices, beat by pound
    that invade like smoke, but fix like nicotine
     
  9. OceanWalker

    OceanWalker Member

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    I'm curious(and drunk), Are you a smoker?
     
  10. rambleON

    rambleON Coup

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    I used to be and besides that I liked the passage because it rolled well and it hit the right mental spots.

    What's your name mean ?
     
  11. OceanWalker

    OceanWalker Member

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    It's the first thing that came to mind when I joined the site. I suppose it could mean man of the world, it could seem to mock religion/christianity (man who walks on water), although I don't have much against religion. I love the color blue, and to feel the Ocean with my feet..

    I'm a big Zeppelin fan by the way, as I can tell you are by your name
     

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