The Crack of Dawn Darkness consumes hollow streets as the sound of jazz flutters across the rooftops, Shadowing eyes filled to the brim widen in drunken hilarity while screams of laughter rise into the air, Heavy smoke pours from open doorways, ascending, a relative byproduct of social exhaust, bare, Hidden from the stars, a sudden shout delivers a sonic burst, as if to ignite the howling instrumentation, To distort the confines of time, to set in full swing the limitless jive of the night, raw power. Delivered unto the moon, incontrovertible revelations manifest in the passing of the seemingly infinite night, Inevitable rebirth of light, cast down as an end, a reminder, an omen of the final hour, For the empty streets are filled once more, the world takes one step forward, walking through an open door. Powerful men fill their glasses to spill while the beats and the mad angels scurry about. A fateful breeze lifts them to the sky and carries them to the heavens; everlasting salvation delivered.
I get the feeling you are riding the wind above everything that's going on below. It's a nice way to view the world, from above. I like the imagery in this poem. It is rich with imagery. -a romantic look at the night and its end.
I'm intrigued by this poem but on a technical note would like to see the lines cut half if possible, so they're easier to read. The sentences are long and full of big words and weird and interesting combinations and ideas and it's just too much work to read them as they are now, at least for me. Thought I'd share It's like, I'd love to read it and get into it but there's only so much energy left in me tonight, you know. Don't let long lines scare your readers away! <3
Each line ends with a comma/period for pause (of course), and the lines are lengthy so that the reader may want to inhale after each line for effect of anticipation to reflect meaning.
I would agree with that. Simply because I have always believed in one idea per line in a poem or one image per line. However I am not a very good poet so wouldnt really know usually my poems are like John Hegley's (without the talent) they are funny little images that i try to make I liked the poem you wrote though, Lumini. It had a style to it and even though i didnt really understand it too well I still thought it was colourful imagery
To me it was like magic! As I was reading I could picture Back alleys with pubs and bars all empty, then as I continue to read, the moon pops out and shines down on me and BAM snap back into reality and I'm not alone anymore! Even if that wasn't the image you seen while writting this, I feel like I really connected with what you wrote.
