I don't really know how to explain this, so forgive me if it makes no sense! If I am ever interested in a guy for some reason I end up being best friends with him and it never goes any further than that. So my question is, what makes me good enough to be that close to, but not good enough to be in a relationship with? The only conclusion that I can come to is that I am so physically repulsive that is impossible for them to comprehend being with me on that level. So as a result of this I have decided to find a deserted island and live in a cave with only a volleyball for company.
Kali, I think that this happens when you are a good person, sweet, friendly, trustworthy, but just not physically attractive in the guy's view. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. We are wired to be attracted first and foremost to a predetermined set of physical features. It's why there are certain people in a crowd who catch your eye while your eye mentally dispenses with 99% of the rest of everyone. I wish you and me both luck in finding a soulmate who loves us physically and mentally. -Jeffrey
Something else that mystifies me, but that I think might be relevant here, is that a lot of guys just don't see how you can ever date someone that's your friend. I've actually heard people talking about how to get with a girl that you'll really like, someone suggesting you get to know them first before you jump in the sack. The reply was "Well you don't really get the chance, or you end up being best friends, and then it's just too wierd". A lot of guys just seem to feel that once they are friends with a woman, they can't go any further. The only two possible solutions to this are to change your approach, and jump on them a lot sooner (you'll end up kissing a lot of frogs, as it were), or you wait for a guy who actually thinks being friends first is a good idea (there are some of us around).
i know EXCATELY WHAT YOU MEAN... thatas what happens to me!! guys either view me as a best friend, a little sister, or they turn out to be gay.... lol (seriously, the gay thing has happened to me 4 times!) but think of it this way: you are meeting SOOO many new people, and THATS always a good thing!
^^^that's hilarious. Anyway, I don't necesarily think that its a matter of the guys not finding you attractive. Rather, I feel that guys who value your friendship are afraid that changing it to a romatic dynamic will jeopardize the friendship. I tend to get the male version of your problem. I know alot of my friends find me attractive and vice versa, we're single, and want a relationship. However, we consider eachother somewhat of untouchables. I think ti just takes one of you to go out on a limb and be honest with the other. Peace
it could very well be that your not attractive to him. for me atleast, im not attracted to heavy girls mainly cus its a respect thing, if your not healthy it says a lot about your personality. or atlesat thats how i justify it. maybe iv just been brainwashed by tv and magazines and am totally vain as a consequence. hes probably stressed about the situation like you tho
I've never started off a relationship as a friendship I don't think it would work friendships and relationships have different boundaries and it's hard to switch from being friends to being more. I would say just wait and when the next guy appraches you set the air for being with them rather than being their buddy. Sexual attraction is a big thing for me and if someones not insanely interested in me sexually than it turns me off and any guy who could keep me at bay as a friend doesn't like or want me in the way of a relationship.
Kali, dear...It happens to a lot of us. I myself am "just one of the guys" I have tons of best guy friends and I try my best to flirt and seduce my way to happiness but we always stop at that friend spot. That just means that you are an awesome person and they can relate to you. I am sure you are totally hot and sexy...don't assume it's because of your looks. They just find something in you that mystifies them that they want to keep in that friendly relationship. When a guy goes beyond the friendly, they have to deal with all that relationship stuff that nobody likes to deal with. Being just friends means they like you so much, that you are so completely awesome, they want to keep you around. Don't worry... and besides...best sex friends can be fun too ^.-
Ok, not entirely on subject, but seeing as it was bought up - that above comment really pisses me off! You cannot assume that because someone is heavier than average that they are not healthy! In fact there has recently been a bit of research into this myth and it has been found it to be completely unfounded. Fat people can be every bit as fit and healthy as their thin counterparts. It just annoys me so much that people judge others solely on their physical appearance! Don't you ever wonder about the amazing people you are missing out on by cancelling them out before you have even gotten to know them? Btw, this is not a personal attack on you, but more of a general "this way of thinking baffles me".
Haven't been here long but sheeprooter, I think you may have some real social issues. And Kali I agree...I went out with some of the absolute nicest guys in highschool and was made fun of because I was apparently thought of as attractive and they weren't because they were a little heavier than the general population. I have found that the general rule is, the more attractive they are...they aren't too pretty on the inside. And I have dated over 55 men....
I used to have this problem with girls all of the time.... Now I just can't seem to meet anybody at all.... But I'm a big beleiver in the idea of l"ove will come when it comes" and not to force it...
I agree with you that fat doesn't equal unhealthy. I beleive that people look most attractive at their natural body weight. Everyone is meant to be a certain weight, and thats the way their body will be healthiest. I tend not to date heavier girls. Its just a personal preference. It may be prejudice or brainwashing by society, but I don't find them as attractive. Girls don't need to be anorexic thin, but I tend to find slim girls most attractive. This doesn't mean heavier people are undeserving or not good people. I just don't find them physically attractive which obviously impedes romance. As far as you theory of "the more attractive they are...they aren't too pretty on the inside." I think thats just as frivolous as saying a person who is overweight doesn't take care of themselves or isn't as smart etc. Some of the most amazing people I know are gorgeous in every aspect of the word. Humans are individuals and need to be judged on a case by case basis. By making sweeping assumption, yu are truly limiting yourself PEace
Have you ever made it clear to the guy that you would be interested in being more than just friends? I'm not talking about sending signals that he should pick up on, I mean straight out asking him? That could be your problem... I've been in your situation a few times. I would get to know the guy, I would send signals that I thought should be obvious. He never acknowledged those signals, so I assumed he was not interested & I developed interest elsewhere... Then, the last time that I was really good friends with a guy, sent all kinds of signals, he never did a damn thing, but instead of giving up I asked him what's up (well, more like "so, um, are you like um interested in me? *blush, staring at floor*). We've been together for a year & a half now -- he just wasn't sure of my signals & was afraid of ruining a really good friendship by making thing really awkward if I wasn't interested. On the other hand, I've been on the other side of that situation, where I see a guy as a great friend, someone I love, but someone I could never date. In those situations, it has nothing to do with his appearance & everything to do with the fact that our personalities were just not compatible in that way. Just because of the people I tend to hang around, the most common problem is that the guy is always high. I had one LTR with a guy who turned into a whiny bitch if he didn't have pot every day, I will never date another guy like that. Don't get me wrong, I like to smoke, but doing it every morning, noon, & night moves it out of the "recreation" category & into the "abuse" category for me. Also, my boyfriend actually turned down another of his friends not long before we got together -- again, it had nothing to do with physical appearance, it had to do with the fact that, based on their personalities, they would wind up wanting to kill one another if they tried to date (arguing over politics every day kind of thing), but they are fine as just friends. So, the answer to your question is that, well, it could be any number of things, including the possibility that he just is being too dense to pick up on your signals!
well i havent been here long either. least not long enough for someone to determine if i have social issues. but please explain yourself
No, touchee, I have realized the error of my ways... I have only read a few of your posts, and the reasoning behind me saying it is simply because you have often pissed several people off with somewhat offensive and judgemental/stereotypical things you say.
well, that happened only cus i was being totally honest in my posts. im not perfect, iv got flaws, im just trying to be real about them. this is an internet forum so i try to be as honest as i can. if everyone here was totally honest then they wouldnt look so pretty
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