Decorated, Sun dress words escaping lips hair flowers, High wind follow the garden to edge feels like cliff diving in me the turn of the earth, but levitate in the other direction Effortless It gasps to hold our feet Red witch, bloody lips singing summer solstice Eerie weight - Voyeur in the sky Slow drum, river veins chasing Metallic air racing the chaste to the Lake Ablaze Drunk Eyes meet me at the top reaching for the sky, at The End
"Slow drum, river veins chasing Metallic air racing the chaste to the Lake Ablaze" Was really good imagery. I liked it
I liked it and have this thought: I wish there was something in more detail, something smaller than big words, you know. Like when you say 'hair flowers', instead tell what type of flowers. And for example, in the end, meet me at the top reaching for the sky -- it would make the poem more interesting to me if it said instead something like this: meet me at the top counting the satellites, or meet me at the top picking berries that grow only there. Like, if there's no obvious/clear/concrete meaning, you might as well make it original and tasty. Reaching for the sky is heard so many times. And what does it even mean really. If you have an idea what you mean by it in this poem, rather write that idea there than just saying 'reaching for the sky'. What do you think? <3
@ Millicent This was written very quickly.. The words aren't frantically spoken, but the feelings are (frantic and intense). Imagine your heart pounding, meeting someone beautiful for the first time who takes your breath away (almost literally), now imagine the first things you notice about them. Your eyes move from the shadows to a colorful world apart that is the person and the air surrounding them. The words come out somewhat short and dumb sounding I suppose, but I really had imagery in mind here. I didn't want to overexplain, but rather share true, pure, spur of the moment thoughts and feelings--through my eyes. It was almost supposed to come out like a chant, but not (if that makes any sense). Reaching for the sky can make you think of cowboys, or woody from toy story, but the reason I included it was because it represents a few things (or did at the time of my writing this) for instance surrender, also people reach for the sky coming down from the highest point of a roller coaster (being in love can be like that), it also has a sexual meaning 'Drunk eyes meet me at the top reaching for the sky, at The End'-- i meant for this to also represent sexual climax The garden represents the garden of eden I'll keep these thoughts of yours in mind for future writings. And again I really appreciate your input! ( :
