Low Sex Drive?

Hello All-

Ever since I've been with my husband he has had a low sex drive, it used to be normal to high before he got with his Ex Girlfriend who happened to sleep around a lot at the time they were together. After my husband and his ex girlfriend had sex, his sex drive took a nose dive and he only masturbated or got horny when he was bored. When my husband and I got together we made out, and sex sometimes until we moved in together. Once we moved in together we only have sex if I want it, never when he wants it.

My question is is there any natural way to raise his sex drive? It was his Ex Girlfriend that caused his libido to decrease, he has even admitted to that.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated

 

i didn't realize lack of libido was an STD.

 

please be serious. A emotional trauma can cause Low Libido and my husbands Ex girlfriend caused him emotional trauma. Its a complicated story and I just wanted advice to cure this naturally if possible. Not trying to sound like a bitch but people who give me sarcastic answers on a serious matter really piss me off.

I apologize for the foul language.

 

it's pretty much impossible to cure something if you don't even know what the issue is. you gave essentially no information. just that he had sex with someone and didn't want to have sex anymore. that could mean pretty much anything, and there is absolutely no way to determine a cure based on such an absence of information.

people that post on an internet forum and then flip the fuck out when their posts are responded to really piss me off.

i apologize for my inability to help further.

 

Go to a sex therapist. Sounds like you're right in thinking that its an emotional issue.

 

1. Talk it through with him openly and honestly, try to find out exactly what the issue is or was with his ex girlfriend or with himself
2. Talk to a doctor. This is abnormal and could be a symptom of a problem which needs treating. It could be physical, psychological or both.
3. I have heard that Maca is good for male libido. It is a root ground into a white powder. He must talk this through with the doctor before he takes any as it can have side effects and contraindications.
4. Explore together. Encourage him without being pushy. Maybe you ould watch some porn, or go to a sex shop, or even just talk about your fantasies.

 

Why is it always the girls solution to talk?

Open and honestly? If I'm understanding the OP correctly, the hubby's libido took a dive after he shagged the ex girlfriend. Well then, what if she's just a whole lot better at it?, and they are still doing it? Then sitting down with the wife, he's not going to tell her that is he

 

You can try raising it, but if it leads to more masturbation it might be a different problem.

 

Get counseling, both of you if possible but him for sure.

 

Why are you still assuming that what all women say is being said because of their gender?

I've tried telling you that honesty and openness about these matters is entirely possible for two decent people who love eachother but you don't believe me and that's not my problem. It seems that in your mind all straight couples are messed up liars who hate eachother. Your issue, not mine or this person's.

 

Just so its known, my hubby is not cheating on me- and his ex girlfriend (who took my hubbys Virginity) he never really.....liked, she pressured him into having sex with him. He was simply playing a game on the xbox and she unplugged the xbox, pinned him down and had her way with him, he was so surprised he froze and just went along with it. After being with her he said that sex didn't feel as good as he had previously thought and thats when his libido took a nose dive. When I came along it picked up, but I think its mostly cause I want it.

I know my hubby isn't cheating on me because he really doesn't have time to- when he isn't at work he is at home and since he doesn't know how to drive I'm usually driving him everywhere.

Thank you for all your suggestions, I'll be sure to talk to him tonight about it.

 

Yeah, but why the assumption honesty is going to be a good thing

If the truth in this case is that he's just bored of her, or her ass is getting too big, then how is that honesty going to help? Or the truth may just be that his libido has dropped, does happen with most guys as they get older, but that massive male ego usually prevents them from telling the truth, how is he going to be honest with her if he's not honest with himself?

And who are these decent people? Are you claiming to be a decent person? Claiming to be more decent than others? That may be true, but just comes off sounding like you think you are betters than others anyway.

All straight couples are messed up liars? All people are messed up liars, forget about lying to other people, we lie to ourselves all the time, you, me, everyone on the planet.

 

If it was either of those things they would be living a lie and it'd be much better if it came out. If he was "just bored" of her they need to decide what to do about that rather than keeping quiet so he can wank away to porn and she feels neglected. They could work out how to get the spark back, if possible. If it was her weight, maybe if she knew she could agree and lose some, or disagree and see him as shallow and leave. The point is some action could be taken to change things, which would be better than living in some discontent kept silent.

Just because the truth hurts the moment it comes out, that doesn't make it a bad thing in the long run. Obviously.

The fact is though that it probably isn't either of those things, because not everybody is going around harbouring secret dislike for their partners. Because a lot of people are actually honest.

 

I highly doubt my weight is an issue in this case as I am quite small. I think most of it is that he is disappointed in his self for letting his first time be with a loose woman. I have spoken to him about this, and he agrees that that is in fact the case, but dosen't see a problem with having a low libido and refuses to take any kind of medication for it.

 

You're sounding very sure about things that to me sound dubious at best.

I would not seek the explanation to your dissatisfaction in trauma or medical matters at first blush. Especially since it appears he can perform, just not enough times for your money.

And if he said he doesn't want to do anything about it, why are you asking if there are "cures" for it? Is the libido yours to raise to your liking, or is it his? What are you going to do with that information, force pills down his throat? Strap him onto a chair with a psychologist in front of it?

Do you suppose that maybe your driving him everywhere, and knowing where he is at all times, and making unilateral decisions about his own libido may actually be closer to the root of the infrequency of sexual contact in your relationship than his "loose" ex-girlfriend?

 

I am not trying to sound like a "know it all" on the subject but considering the suitition (sp) he and I are both in, yes I know he isn't cheating on me, and yes, I know that he had a slut for a girlfriend as I have met her, and I drive him everywhere because I don't have a choice, he dosen't want his licence and refuses to take public transportation.

yes my hubby can perform well but he has the drive of an 90 year old man. He knows he has a problem and will only try natural treatment. If pills are involved he isn't even open to the idea. He is quite embarrassed by the problem as he knows other people his age want sex every day if not every hour.

I apologizes for sounding....needy or greedy, But I feel that my husband is very upset by his problem and is just to embarrassed to take care of it. Honestly, if I didn't ask for sex once and a while (I usually break down and ask once every week or so) We would never have sex.

Once again, I am sorry for giving you the wrong impression, it was not my intention.

 

You can be 'in love' with your partner, love that security, but still harbour some dislikes.

Once you've gone past a certain amount of time living with someone a certain amount of discontent builds up over stupid stuff, how he or she sips their coffee in the morning, leaves the bathroom door open when in use, domestic chores that arent shared or done, the economy of sex etc

These kind of things are normal for everyone. To those that try claim their relationship is perfect, total honesty etc is a load of crap. For if that is the case then there are no fights, no passion, no drama, excitement, no after fight hot jiggy jiggy.

So to try and make that claim, you are going to sound to the rest of us like you are either in denial or a rather boring couple.....so you cant really win.

Even if what you say is true, you still have to think how it is going to be interpreted by other people.


The OP says she knows he's not cheating, you can never be 100% sure of that ever. He makes her drive him around, in his head he probably thinks she enjoys being needed, likes that time spent together. She says she gets to a point where she breaks down once a week and begs for sex, thats got to be a big boost for his male ego - something she doesnt completely understand being female.

And she's not being completely honest with us, when it comes to sex, at the moment she's competing with 5 mins of porn watching, he jerks off then the horny is handled, he can relax. What does he have to do if he uses her to take care of the horny?, something he doesnt want to do? Something that takes too long or too much effort? Or something she berates him for doing, not doing or not doing properly.

Or is it actually nothing to do with sex? If they day they have sex she runs off the next day with her girlfriends. But if they dont have sex she sticks around him giving him extra attention, seeing to his needs - maybe he likes that

 

To me it sounds like the problem is more psychological than physiological. Counceling is a natural method with no pills involved (usually). You could try that.

 

This is rape. I think your husband may benefit from professional counseling. I'm with MagicalTophat on this. I think a good sex therapist may be able to help.

All the best.

 

Don't you think he'd have a bit of a hard time getting it up? Just how frail is this dude?