Three days ago we get a note from the boy's teacher saying he hasn't been listening in school... won't follow the teacher's directions... and has been talking loudly to others while the teacher is trying to do her lessons. The teacher has said that since the note, things haven't got better. He just turned 6 and is in Kindergarten. Time out isn't working... We originally grounded him from playing with his best friend afterschool. His mother has used Santa Clause... And 'heart to heart' talks aren't working either. Has anyone dealt with this problem and seen results? I am very worried!
I don't have personal child rearing experience, but one of my standard answers to a lot of problems is to try acupuncture and chinese herbal medicine. From the perspective of acupuncture, speaking with a loud voice is a sign of excess energy, and is easily corrected. Sugar and sweets (especially soda and chocolate) might also be bad for him. Keeping him from seeing his friends doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
Ask him why. I am being absolutely serious with you. The reason for his behaviour at his age may make total sense to him and no one may have a clue what he is thinking. He may be bored, he may be getting pushed by another child or he may just be needing a little more time to adjust to school. He may be bored stiff. Don't threaten him with Santa or anything else as that is not going to stop him. Also restricting him from his friend is not fair either. Understanding why he is doing it may help you. Only he knows why. My son use to get corrected for fidgeting in his seat all the time. He still fidgets and is 15 and an A student. Try to be patient and keep asking him why and really listen to what he is going to say. Good luck.
Thank you all for your responses. I am fairly new to parenting and his mother and I take a very different approach. I ask why a lot these past 3 days though he never knows why. I am much more patient with him than his mother, who is a very tempermental and loud Portuguese woman... I will keep asking why like some of you suggested and allow him to see his friends. The only reason I inacted that rule was because he was 'grounded' and I wanted him to earn his freedoms back with good behavior. The Santa thing was his mother, and as I said we take a very different approach... If it was up to me, we probably wouldn't even speak about Santa lol. I remember how crushed I felt in 1st Grade when some brat told me he wasn't real. He is very social, like me. I am almost 100 percent sure he is not being bullied though, he tells me pretty much everything. And he knows if he can't tell his mother, he can always tell me. Again thank you for all your responses. I want to be open to different approaches and not make the same mistakes that my parents did. I see myself sometimes reacting the way they would because it's what I know and it scares me. =/ I know each child is different and there is never one easy solution to correcting certain behaviors.
if hes talking to other students, then its the others students that are trying to get his attention. Though he seems the loudest. maybe he is not acting alone. If the teacher wishing to say he is talking to others, she has implicated them also.. he is therefore not acting alone.. He is a child /. Is the teacher a female or male?... furthermore: separate his seating arrangements at school, and punishing the class as a whole when interruptions continue..
OP DJ-..i am in the middle of serious school problems with my 14 yr old....get strict...how ever strict you have been..go 10 times more strict about school...do not give in...do not let up..make sure he knows if he messes up there is SERIOUS consequences... .....i let up...and i fucked up...now he is paying[my kid]
orison - The teacher is female. rolling - this appears what we may have to do. his mother is not budging, he is grounded indefinitely, he friends came by banging on the door this morning again and he proudly told them, "I can come play when I am a good boy at school again." From what I understand when the teacher is trying to do her lessons it is our boy who is initiating conversation with others, standing in his seat, and completely ignoring the teachers instructions. The teacher has been telling him to do something and he just completely ignores her. He's done it to me when I go pick him up from school, mainly when he is in social mode and playing. He will see me, knows it's time to go, and when I approach the playground entrance and call for him he acts like he doesn't hear me.
Did he have any of these behaviours before he started school? I personally am really not sure that indefinite punishments really work with a six year old but can understand your frustration with the acting out. I don't think that indefinite punishments work even with teens. Have you tried some reward for days he is good. Maybe a half hour at a park or something he enjoys. So that the focus is then on being positive instead of negative. I found when mine were really young that a positive was more productive.
my little sister got into trouble a lot at the same age for talking. as long as it's not disrespect, i wouldn't be too worried. maybe he's just talkative, maybe he has trouble keeping his attention on things. tell him to save all the talking for after school when there is no teacher to interrupt.
I think if you figure out why this is happening, the method to deal with it will become much more obvious... I would ask the teacher to document the behaviour in more detail - what is happening in the class, what time of day it is, what the behavior is, what classroom management tool she's using, etc. Then you look for patterns. Is he misbehaving every day right before lunch? I'd check low blood sugar. Is he talking always during classes about reading/letters/writing? That is a sign there may (or may not be) a learning disability related to reading (or whatever subject). ...a million other possible answers. The point is though that punishment for a behavioral problem like this is counter-productive. Only dealing with a learning disability, hunger, a social problem, or whatever will help. Punishment, especially corporal punishment, will only make them resentful. And lets face it, six year olds won't necessarily be able to express to you any of these feelings. If the student is simply ignoring the teacher as a source of authority in the class then I'd be more inclined to put the onus on parenting or the teacher's classroom management skills (and lets face it, this seems like a pretty minor issue). Honestly, I'd be inclined to not stress out over this. We aren't talking about an antisocial behaviour, we are talking about a kid that talks to loudly (lots of young people lack voice regulation) and too often (lots of young children lack impulse control).
If he is being social then whatever. he is just talking and making friends with is good social development. it is up to the teacher if she wants to move him seats or something. I'd say rather than punish him reward him. like once a month if he has good behavior take him for ice cream or movies or minature golf or whatever he finds fun. my advice is whatever you do don't ever put him on ritalin or any kind of bullcrap pill! maybe get him involved in karate or tae-kwon-do where he will learn respect and discipline. plus that will give him an activity to get his energy out. and if in the future he would ever get bullied he would know self defense.
After your last post, sounds like the kid is simply trying to show off infront of his peers. And he's well aware of his misbehavior too. (almost boasting). He's still very young, but I would assume you wouldn't want that to turn into an obsession. Perhaps call him out on his sh*t and see if you can find a reasonable median. All up to you, though. Good lucks.
I could write a collection of articles about my son’s behavior at school. During the classes he would be playing and laughing, between classes, he would often fight. [FONT="Times New Roman""] The fact that he was playing during [/FONT][FONT="Times New Roman""]the class, did not disrupt his studying, he was able to play and listen simultaneously, but it would bother with his schoolmates. I would beg, try to persuade, explain why he should not behave like that, he would be calm for a while, but then continue as usual. I went to school willingly and by invitation, consulted educators, psychologists, teachers ... [/FONT] [FONT="Times New Roman""] The general opinion was that the work in the classroom could not fully animate him, so he filled rest of the time with games. Teachers, indeed, could not do much about it. In the classroom with 30 pupils with different abilities, classes had to be adjusted for the average, for very good and very bad pupils there was not time.[/FONT] Now, he is Phd of Mehatronics and profesor-asistent. Looking for the reason of this behavior, first!
I can relate to that. I always finished my work first in 1st ,2nd,ect--there was no challenge,so I would fool around and distract others. Teacher went so far as to put a blanket over me! Maybe he needs special projects that the teacher could assign "because no one else can do this,just you"or something like that to motivate him.
Threatening him with things is never a good idea, you don't want him to learn that threatening people is how to get things done. A tangible reward system, such as gold stars for good behaviour with a small daily reward and larger weekly reward would be far more effective. Design a chart with him, you do the boring squares and he can draw a picture of himself and decorate the chart etc. Don't use a monthly system as a month feels like a lifetime to a 6 year-old. Also, as others have said, look very closely at his diet. Healthy diet, healthy mind and body. And does he get enough love, attention and approval at home? Do you encourage and guide his creativity enough? Tell him that his bad behaviour will result in not receiving his rewards (in a matter of fact way, not threatening) and if he's antisocial or nasty then he will be in time out for a SET TIME (usually 5 minutes), where (and tell him this) he will have to think about what he's done. The time out area must not be his room, preferably a corner in the kitchen which will be boring and you will be able to keep an eye on him. Return to what you were doing while he is in time out. You must be firm with time out, physically returning him to his time out position if necessary, though never use pain as an enforcement. Stop the clock every time he is not playing ball in time out and add a minute every third time he would try and break the rules of time out. It is important that once he has served his time, you discuss with him what he has done wrong, asking him (so he can answer, showing he understands) what he did wrong and make sure he knows that he's hurting your feelings or the feelings of those involved. Be sure to receive and apology and anyone that deserves one receives one from him. Be sure to kiss and make up. You must always stick to your guns and be consistent. Whenever you talk to your child and you want him to understand, you must get at eye level with him for the best results. Don't punish him for his behaviour in school, leave that to the school, simply don't give him a gold star for that day if you hear of him misbehaving. Also, this difference you describe between your style and his mother's style, this will be sending him mixed messages, making it harder to understand and accept what is acceptable behaviour. The both of you must talk and make sure you agree on things and act consistently, not differing depending on the person. Always keep in mind that any negative reinforcements you use could produce bad traits in him. Do you want your child to be so scared of failing that he never attempts anything? Do you want him to learn that threats and pain will produce desired behaviour in others?
What is his diet like? Maybe he is getting too much sugar. That will definately make a kid hyper. Also check for food coloring as some kids are allergic to them. Straighten his diet out and see if that works.
Sounds similar to my son. If I may, are you and the mom married? Any recent changes, lost job, new job, etc. Many times, children act out for attention. Are there older siblings? Maybe a competitive reason. Did he go to pre-K? If yes, what was the structure there? Children want boundaries, goals, structure. Consistent bed times help. My son was worse if he was tired. Does he play video games? Personally, by me limiting video games, it also helped. That all being said, he did phenomenally this past year (1st grade). Each child/ person is different, lots of trial and error. Have you had a group conference? Maybe the teacher just has a low threshold. Good luck!
