So uh... apparently I have intense eyes/stare/aura?

Lately I'm thinking I come on very strong, and too honest. I tend to make fairly direct eye contact with people. (I have forgotten how to pretend to stare at other things while I talk to people -- )

Anyone have experience with this?

I've had friends, people that I mutually talk with spin their head away at times should random eye contact meet (but when we are in a conversation, they keep eye contact and respond, etc). It's a bit hard to not take it personal... but I'm going to ask here if it's such a bad thing before I get too paranoid and feel I have to try to change it.

Feel a little embarrassed bringing it up... but I hope my anonymity is protected. :2thumbsup:

Would you feel a person who has an intense look (so intense that you sometimes react by turning away) is someone you don't want to approach or do you think it's not a huge drawback?

I ask 'cuz I'd rather not have to keep modifying myself to fit in better at this point...

 

I take direct eye contact as a sign of respect and indicates character. If I'm trying to converse with someone who continually looks away then I'm inclined to trust them a little less. I have yet to encounter anyone possessing that level of intensity with mere eye contact.

 

Ah let's not let it go to that. I am thinking it's a bad thing, if anything.

For my sake this doesn't happen all the time, and my eyes do that eye twitch thing at times and maybe people just don't want to be caught staring? I could also be imagining things. What fun

 

I see it more as a personal insecurity issue and do not equate it as lack of respect/character or trustworthiness.

 

As long as you're not drooling and whispering 'My Precious' while staring moon eyed every time that someone walks into the room, I don't see a problem with it.

Direct eye contact during a conversation is a better way to express yourself.

 

Direct eye contact and I usually drop my pants

 

i dont see it as a sign of respect like stinkfoot, i think its a sign of a grounded, real personality.
theres a way of intense eye-contact thats scary, and theres appropriate eye-conctact, just notice a difference. how old are you? cuz younger people don't do direct eye contact, and that just may be a maturing thing in which your peers will probably get over. if you're part of an older generation, then i'd think about breaking eye contact just for the sake of comfort of the other person.



as a weird side note not directed toward anyone, i think tv has affected younger generations into a strange witness position in everyday life, where people don't have to worry about responding, deal with eye contact, or staring too long, etc.

 

I'm not an eye contact person. My gf has piercing eyes and offputs nearly everyone. =p

 

Some types of direct eye contact are too intense, can appear challenging or threatening. At time too intense a look appears psychotic. Fine tune your look to say you have a message to share not a threat to deliver.

 

I'm usually drawn in by people that make direct eye contact. It shows they're open to other people. Even people with a really intense stare usually draw me in because when they look right into my eyes I feel like they're actually interested in things.

I often find that avoiding eye contact is a sign of insecurity.

 

Same here. Also, I often have the impression my direct eye contact makes certain people uncomfortable so I stop looking directly at their eyes. I think I got put in the insecurity corner because of that as well though

 

Prolonged direct eye-contact is an attempt to establish dominance and aggressive behaviour.

 

I agree with that.

While I do feel that eye contact is important as a part of communication there are many times when someone who intentionally does it uses it for that purpose.

 

Hmmm. Interesting responses. A lot more positive and on my side than I thought.

Probably what I'll have to do. I don't want to have to change everything. Having a neutral stare when you're not in a conversation with someone is probably a skill I need again.

If it makes things interesting, the comment from my friend that sparked this was "Your eyes are sooooo scaarry!! It looks like you'd just right up and start talking to somebody should they meet!"

Funny 'cuz she makes very direct and peering into your soul eye contact too (at least with me).

I don't know if it's only that (at least in my case). I just meet people at halfway too readily...

 

yeah either that or a type of social disorder or just events in someone's life that has made them unable to socialize that way.

I do think tv has some effect on the brain. but It does not take away people's feelings of how they should make eye contact.

yeah some people do not have a relaxed mind for certain reasons and it is hard for them to make their eyes relax so if they make direct eye contact they appear to be intense.

yeah some people do it for that reason.

 

I do not make much direct eye contact. i just feel more relaxed and calm without making direct eye contact. my thoughts flow easier when I do not make direct eye contact. I can think better.


I somewhat socialize like this guy if you want an example. but that chick doing the interview is hot and I could make eye contact with her haha. I find I can make eye contact with attractive women a lot easier than anybody else. but most of the time I socialize like the guy in the video just depends on my mood during the day.


http://youtu.be/LMS_K81S0dE


oh and here is that guys brother. has a similiar social pattern too. but this interview lady is not hot haha.

http://youtu.be/HuQnRP53xNQ


oh and here is the original guy punching some fan in the arm.

http://youtu.be/aT3EUUXRLdc

here is another interview from a more direct angle.

very funny interview

http://youtu.be/P-xaluE3pK0


posting a lot of videos cus people talk shit on this guy saying he looks stupid because he does not socialize with direct eye contact like most people. and I personally find nothing wrong with his social pattern. I think to many people are brainwashed by the media and hollywood about how you are supposed to look when you make conversation.

 

Serious question here (to all). Are you supposed to look into one eye at a time, or both at the same time when talking to somebody?

I've always wondered about that.

I make direct eye contact with people when I talk to them. I mix it up so I don't just concentrate on one eye.

Sometimes I can see them looking back at me strange, so I wonder if I'm not looking at them right or something. Or maybe I make them nervous by seeming to peer into their soul. The OP reminds me of myself in some ways.

One person said to me a while back: "Damn your big ass green eyes". I don't remember what the conversation was about now. But I do remember thinking maybe I do make too much direct eye contact, and maybe also too intense?

Edit: I don't mean to, I'm usually very relaxed when I'm talking to people.

 

Sometimes when I'm doing therapy with Parolees I deliberately "fix" them with eye contact when there is an important truth to be made and they resist. It's intense and uncomfortable and a direct confrontation. Usually after we work through the issue they will say that they needed that challenge to deal with their problems. Equally there is a kind of eye contact that signals acceptance and concern allowing people to move into difficult subjects. I tend to be very aware of how and why I meet someones gaze.

 

eye contact is completely unnatural. when you're talking to someone, the natural thing is to pay attention to your surroundings and whatever you are actually doing while in the process of talking to them. i always forget that you have to drop everything and stare at your conversation partner's eyeballs in order to be taken seriously.

 

honesty is creepy.......