My last two relationships have been with men. And while the my ex is a darling young man, I just couldn't have sex with him. Ironically - as he is bisexual - he didn't seem interested in having sex with me. He found a boyfriend almost immediately after our relationship ended. Me, on the other hand, searched for women in vain. I can't seem to meet any lesbians in my area, which is rural and not very open. So I decided to get involved with a guy friend. Once again I'm preoccupied with thinking about women. I dream about them too. I just don't feel like I can be intimate with men. The reason being I was sexually violated by one as a teenager. My happiest relationships have been with girls. I was never so in love as I was with the two girlfriends I had. So what do I do? Break it off with my guy friend, and hope to find a woman? I'm rather confused and frustrated with myself at the moment. I can't seem to get girls off my mind. Pixie
Well you love women but i'm not sure if you are a lesbian because of why you say you cant be intimate with men. I'd say yes definitely you lean way more to women but until its just not there with men anymore at all I wouldn't say i wasn't bi.
Thank you for the response! I see reason in your words, and right now I need a lot of reason. Yes, I love women. Even before my sexual abuse I found them attractive, even if I wouldn't admit it to myself. I guess I've been suppressing the side of me that is very into girls, and its leading to me making poor choices and impulsive actions. Being bisexual isn't a bad thing. I just wasn't sure if I was something else. Pixie
If you become more 'openly bisexual' in your community in that you don't try to hide it, and just act whatever about it, not all 'I'M HERE AND I'M QUEER, FUCKERS!', then it opens up a new door for you in that now not only are men going to know they're interested in you, a woman who might be interested in you but otherwise wouldn't initiate contact in that will would be more open to trying to kindle romance with you after knowing or 'having heard on the street' that you may also be interested in women as well.
That is good advice, thank you Seized. I guess becoming more open about it would be the next step. I'm already the weird girl in the neighborhood (my style of dress is, shall we say, unique). I would love to have a girl friend again, but that sadly means injuring my boyfriend. He knows I'm bisexual, and a lot of my issues too. He once expressed fear that I might run off with an abandoned army wife. I had to inform him being bisexual didn't mean I'd run off with a woman. But what if I did do that? Seeing as I gravitate more toward women. I don't want to hurt him.
I know exactly what you are going through. I had a boyfriend that really broke my heart and after that I couldnt see myself with another man. so I saught out women and learned so much about myself. I learned I liked women more than I thought. The only thing I hate about it is that their are so many heterosexual couples roaming the city that it bothers me and then Im like maybe ill just stay the way I am (gay) to challenge the sexes. but thats no way to live always fighting. the one thing that I think you have accoplished is sayin I mught be differnet and that major. trust me I know...with just that you can go along way. I think once you get on the level of thinking about them you are well on your way. so just be carefull not to get hurt with too many expectations.
That's just a bridge you'll have to cross if you get there. If it comes down to you needing to me with a woman, you'll have to just talk to him about it and tell him. While making a relationship work requires effort from both parties, if you're not happy or feel that there isn't someone better out there for you but instead something different than you need to persue, in this case lesbianism rather than heterosexuality, then that's what you must do. Be happy!
Thank you for sharing your story. It is similar to mine and I find it comforting to speak to someone that has had a similar experience. Sometimes having a cause makes it all the more worthwhile. Though you're right, its no way to live, fighting all the time. I know a lot about that, except I don't have a choice not to fight...not unless I want to give up on my life. Thanks for the encouragement and advice! Pixie
Yes, I suppose you are absolutely right. If it comes to that, I'll have to cross that bridge. I admit that it makes me nervous. But I've known about my strong attraction to women for some time, its only now that I'm paying attention to that part of myself again. I thought I was into men, but my dreams said otherwise. Its tough because my parents can support me having a boyfriend, but when it comes to a girl friend they act funny and uncomfortable. They say they are okay with it, but their actions say otherwise. I guess that's another bridge I'll have to cross. I want to be happy. Everyone does. Such a shame that arriving at happiness can be so complicated.
