My brother would've been 21 today

He died 18 years ago when I was 5. Miss him like crazy.

I've always wondered who he would've grown into. I have fun imagining he's this really great guy, but my mind can't let go of the fact he was only 3.

Anyways, happy birthday bud!! LOVE YOU!!!!

Love,
Sisser

 

Loss of a sibling or parent or someone really close to you is always difficult.

I'm here if you need to talk, I've been through it.

Hope you have a wonderful celebration for him today

 

Thank you. I feel comfortable enough now to talk about it.

It happened on June 16, 1990. We were sitting at our picnic table eating lunch when he started to throw up. We ran to get my moms bf and when my brother took a step up the stairs, he fell back into my arms. I held him and talked to him the whole way to the hospital and he took his last breath in my arms. I remembered thinking on the drive 'why do I have to keep talking to him?' but just did. I was trying to keep him awake.

Once we were at the hospital I remembered sitting in the waiting room talking to this old lady about what was going on and she was talking about her husband whom passed away. I don't remember exactly what she was saying, but I remember feeling very comforted.

Next, we were all at my grandparents house and mourning. I remember running around to everyone comforting them ands frantically getting them all water (for some reason my 5 year old mind thought water would make everyone feel better). I remember explaining to my younger cousins what was happening and basically explaining death in a way that adults couldn't. It's strange how's grown up I was.

There's bits and pieces more that I remember, but that's the jist.

It's ironic that when it happened, I (5 at the time) was the one comforting the adults, telling them "it's ok, we'll see him again in heaven one day". But now that I'm older, realizing how much he missed out on, and how much I missed out, really shakes me at times. Plus, now I'm seeing it from a parents Point of view. I could not imagine loosing my son. No wonder they were so over-protective of me.

I know I'm supposed to be celebrating his birthday, but today always hits us harder than the actual death date. Anyways, my mom and I are going out later to take some shots in his memory.

I sure miss the little guy. I know he used to bug me at the time, but I would give anything to have him here doing it now.

 

Oh my gosh, what was wrong with him? That kind of stuff scares the bejeezus out of me and I don't even have kids. *hugs* I'm really beyond impressed how you handled it, though and so sorry you had to go through that.

 

Thank you. He had a peptic ulcer. It has completely changed my life in a way that I'm more compassionate. So I hate to say it, but I'm grateful I was able to experience that, although we missed out on so much. My dad however, still finds it extremely difficult. If you want to survive, you find a way to make peace with it, which I don't think he has fully done yet.

 

That's pretty crazy. And it sucks.

My dad died of diabetes 8 years ago; we don't do anything for his birthday. I understand the point of honoring his life; but it just seems to me that it would make things harder.

The story of little you taking care of the adults was really cute; I bet it warmed their hearts.

 

Life is not fair sometimes. Especially when the little ones go. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

^ my dad told me years later that that was the only thing getting him out of bed in the morning. My mom divorced my dad earlier that year.

It might make things a little harder, but since I was so young, I'm clinging to every memory like a life boat. Good and bad memories.

Sorry about your dad. I couldn't imagine loosing a parent, especially a dad. I was always daddy's little girl.

It's true scratcho. While I don't agree with it, having him in our lives, if only for three years, has taught us all so much. I'm grateful for every minute I was able to spend with him.

My favorite big sis moment was earlier that year...

We were both supposed to be sleeping, but it was still light out, so we were still talking. My mom yelled up at us to get to sleep.

Ben realized his Teddy was on the floor but didn't want to get in trouble. So I sneaked across the floor and gave it to him. He smiled like had just bought him Disneyland. Never been more proud.

 

Makes sense. I'm not sure if it's from all the weed I smoke, how bad my memory naturally is, or what; but sometimes it's a little hard to remember my dad, so maybe it isn't a bad thing to hold on.

Thank you.

 

I hate to laugh, but yeah, that's another reason to try so hard.

 

Aw sorry to hear that! Happy birthday to your brother!

 

I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring taken soon out of their laps.

What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and children?

They are alive and well somewhere;
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death;
And if ever there was, it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas’d the moment life appear’d.

All goes onward and outward—nothing collapses;
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.

- Walt Whitman



Sorry you had to lose a brother. It's nice that you have a few memories at least.