Today a head of lettuce saved my life

It was at work this morning. I got some lettuce out of the fridge; one head of leaf lettuce, the other Romaine.

I began to put it into a container, in my left hand is the head of leaf lettuce, in my right is a very large knife, just like this one;




As I begin to cut the Romaine this huge greyish fly (might have been a wasp, I didn't get a good look) flies out from inside the Romaine and heads right towards my face. As I flinch and pull back (instinctively to protect my face), my hands come towards me.

The knife, very thankfully, landed itself inside the head of leaf lettuce, which was about 7-8 inches thick, instead of my chest or face.

Had I been holding the Romaine, I probably wouldn't be sitting here typing this. There's no way it would have stopped or slowed down the blade. I would have gotten wounded at least.

I decided to honour the head of lettuce by making a big salad out of it and eating it for lunch. It would have wanted it that way.

 

I wonder if there is some kind of award you can give to lettuce for being heroic. A purple heart maybe? Especially considering the lettuce did get injured in the process and later died in order to feed you (thus, saving your life, also)

Glad you got out scratch free!

 

The Purple Artichoke Heart Award of Honour perhaps.

 

Good idea!

May that lettuce RIP. It was quite the warrior

 

bin laden reincarnated as a fly... he sure is pissed.

 

This too shall pass,

Probably tomorrow morning...

 

Lovely story. I wish I could thank that lettuce for saving one of the more interesting posters on these here forums, but someone ate it.

 

It just wouldn't have been right to keep it barely clinging to life, in a vegetative state, in my freezer.

 

What wonderful lettuce

 

hahahahaha!!!! @

 

didn't iceberg sink the titanic?

 

Lettuce bow our head in thanks and remembrance.

 

Good one!

 

Did you have shrooms first, or some micro-dot?......;-D

 

That was such touching story it brought a tear to my eye:bigcry:

 

Cool story but the most a head of lettuce has ever done for me was to be the L in my BLT


Hotwater

 

What if that knife was supposed to accidently maim you? I suppose if you ended up at the ER with a minor injury you would have been too embarased to admit a fly nearly ended your life. However with the lettuce saving you right in the nick of time you felt compelled to post such a heroic tale of salvation. Some ignorant forumer could possibly read your thread and think Jesus has come back to life in the form of Iceburg lettuce and creates a cult totally devoted to the false idol. With a bunch of other ignorant people believing him or her they only eat lettuce until they reach spiritual salvation, however before they reach such an unattainable goal they all die of malnutrition...

That's a lot of death for someone to shoulder. Maybe it'd have been best if you maimed yourself a little bit... Just sayin.

 

1) Thou shalt have none other greens before me.

2) Thou shalt not make thee any salad, or any salad of likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the waters beneath the earth

3) Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto peppers, nor serve them: for I the LETTUCE thy God am a jealous Lettuce, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that ate me

4) Thou shalt not take the name of the LETTUCE thy God in vain: for the LETTUCE will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

5) Keep the sabbath day to sanctify it, as the LETTUCE thy God hath commanded thee.

6) Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LETTUCE thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LETTUCE thy God giveth thee.

7) Thou shalt not eat Romaine.

8) Neither shalt thou eat iceberg.

9) Neither shalt thou steal thy lettuce from another.

10) Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbour's lettuce.

Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's lettuce, neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour's lettuce, his field, or his manservant's lettuce, or his maidservant's lettuce, his ox's lettuce, or his ass (heh - seriously, that's in the book), or any thing that is thy neighbour's...lettuce

And the LETTUCE sayeth, AMEN.

I won't beet myself up if others carrot out such ridiculous ideologies. There will always be folks who take things too far and turnip into something it's not.

 

well played

I'd give you some good rep for such kick assery, but apparently I gotta spread some around before I give you anymore... Frankly no one else deserves any.

 

lunarverse Gets A Well Deserved Pos Rep From GLEN For Post 18...:2thumbsup:



Cheers Glen.