Two drunks sittin' in a bar drinkin' wine in the afternoon ,several seats away from one another. Drunk A goes to the head after several hours of heavy drinkin' to take a piss. Drunk B begins to get sick,gets up from his stool and starts for the head also. Drunk B knows he can't make it so he pukes in drunk A's hat which is sitting on the bar and replaces it and staggers back to his seat. Drunk A staggers out of the head takes his seat and sees the mess in his hat. He says "god dammit" ,some dirty son of a bitch puked in my Hat"!!!! Drunk B raises his head off the bar and says" Musta been that same sumbitch that shit in my pants"!!!
guy walks into a bar and sees a chimpanzee on a stool behind the bartender..he asks what the chimp is doing in the bar...the bartender says ''its the greatest thing,watch!''and he proceeds to punch the chimp hard in the face...the chimp quickly jumps off the stool and starts to give a blowjob to the bartender.....after the chimp is finished and gets back on the stool the patron says''i cant believe it...you were right..its the coolest''...the bartender says ''would you like a try?'' and the patron says ''sure but just dont hit me as hard''
This guys walks into a bar and the bartender immediately notices how depressed this guy is. "Give me a beer", said the guy. "Sure thing," said the bartender, "by the way, why the long face? "I just found out my oldest son is gay", replied the guy. The next day the same guy walks back into the bar and orders a beer and a few shots of whiskey. "Whats wrong now?", asked the bartender noticing he is twice as depressed as the day before. "I just found out my youngest son is gay too." The next day the same guy walks in with tears pouring out of his eyes. "God doesn't anyone in your house like girls?", asked the bartender. The guy said, "Yeah, my wife!"
Unlike the original post, which I followed absolutely 0%, I understood this one, but unlike the first post, which I cracked the fuck up, I didn't laugh this one, but my brain said "Oh, yeah, that's funny."
A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves. Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did just now?" "No, what?" replied the man. "Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball out, he measures everything first."
