Father-son Relations.

My father was a cold man. He was an alcoholic and rarely ever spoke to me. Told me that he'd rather be my "bud" than my father. He and I never connected, and he never taught me anything except for how to throw a ball... The only thing I really ever got was yelling from him.... alot... really kinda killed my self-esteem. I don't think he was a bad man... just a little selfish.

It's like, he never guided me in life, and when I made mistakes I was yelled at... So, I kinda shut down after a while and didn't do anything...

He never physically hurt me though...and I'm very happy for that so I feel that I can't really be mad at him... but something inside me tells me I should be.

I'm 20 years old right now and I'm finally starting to enjoy my life for the first time... but although most of my troubles have been solved.. this issue still kinda nags at me.

I rarely ever speak to him, even to this day... when I do it's all hunky dorey, I pretend like everything is fine between us and I show him how much I've grown as a person since I was a child, lost and alone (I had alot more issues than my father).

Should I try and patch things up? I've feared him for so long.. and now that I'm older, stronger and wiser I just feel odd....

I dunno... I tell myself I harbor no hatred or grudges toward anyone, and I have forgave him countless times... but it still eats at me.

 

My dad was an alcoholic that was rather warm and loving, but also rather lazy, irresponsible, and he had a rather mean ugly side that came out sometimes while drunk.

He set some good examples and offered some guidance; but a lot more example of how not to be. He died from diabetes when I was 13.

I wish that he could have taught me how to be a man; something I'm still figuring out on my own.

It would be good to patch up things with your father while you can; but don't expect him to change or it to be a spotless beautiful relationship. At least he tried to be there, the way I see it, it's only fair to return the same courtesy.

 

Yeah, that's hard... you father wanting to be your bud... man, I almost feel sorry for you... mine only wanted to use me as a punching bag from the age of 2 - 15...

Now... if that doesn't answer your question about wether or not your father was bad and wether or not you should 'patch things up' with him, I can't help you...

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you

 

I don't think that you owe it to him to patch things up, and I don't think that you have to force anything.

I guess the question is whether you want to patch things up or not. maybe you could write him a letter explaining how much he fucked up your life.

hopefully, he'll have an apology for you.

you don't have to go on giving him all this happy bullshit

 

stop complaining like little bitch and suck it up...being a dad isnt easy specially when your kid fucks up...you say you are now an adult..be a fuckin grown up and straighten this shit out before he dies....alcoholism is a sickness...you gonna hold a grudge because your old man acted like a dick when he was sick?????????????????////

 

My dad was an alcoholic as well, love the dude though! You gotta understand their viewpoint its all just a matter of parenting. Not all dads should be moms dude.. Respect the man for what he did teach you! Just learn a little about him before you can't anymore! Have a few drinks with him and shit will let out man, just don't be shy, he knows you better than anyone!

Sorry if any of this sounds mean I'm tripping a little, but hey! take my insight!

 

fuck you rollingallong, you're a fucking prick! he doesn't owe it to his dad to eat his shit and then tell him he loves him.

I think you are only entitled to get back the treatment you give to other people.

sounds like you are being the whiny bitch here. you've got all this sympathy for the abusive, alcoholic dad, but none for the son that got abused

I think it would be great if they worked things out, but I don't think he owes his dad a damn thing

 

Back the fuck up... He was NOT abused.

 

he got yelled at...he didnt say he was abused...he didnt use the word ''abused''....maybe you should stick to searching for help-line numbers and let the people that actually walk the walk have an opinion... ......

 

Oh my god just stop fighting this shit is not anything to get worked up about.. Nothing a few beers cant fix lol

Bottom line is get to know the dude thats it. Youll be very depressed you didn't one day

 

no, this is abuse. abuse can take a lot of different forms, it doesn't have to be physical. children that have been verbally abused are as traumatized as children that have been physically abused (I can't site the source, but there was a study on this). In any case, it's still abuse

 

see my post above. he didn't have to use the word abused.

maybe you should stick an 8 foot dildo up your ass

 

That's extremely uncalled for and unnecessary. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean you can insult someone.

Hypocritical...



Anyways, to the OP;

My father was an alcoholic as well, and he was somewhat distant when I was younger. He was a really great person, he just had a sickness, as ROLLING said. He died when I was 17.

I would give anything to have been able to create a better relationship between my father and I. I only had about a year or less to do so. Make the best of the time you have. The past (although it may hurt) is in the past. Make your relationship with him good, because he will be gone some day. It will be a move you will never regret in the future, even if you end up putting more into it than he does. Seriously. Make the most of what you have while you have it. Create a relationship there.

 

Yes, because I don't know what emotional abuse is... while my father was beating me to death, he made sure he didn't hurt my emotional state...

While my stepfather was doing things he shouldnt have as well beating me, and telling me how worthless I was, that was a self esteem building exercise...

Get a grip.

You want to know how you tell if someone has been abused? Talk to them about it... those who have been abused (either physically, mentally or emotionally), who didn't just turn around and become abusers, give off really really really CLEAR indicators that they were abused...

The OP was NOT abused according to what he has said.

He may not have been treated great, there was likely tons and tons of room for improvement, and his father likely did end up causing him some pain....

But let me make this 100% clear for you.

There is NOTHING more abusive to a child's emotions or mental state, then having the man that was supposed to raise, protect and nuture them, spend their childhood trying to beat them to death repeatedly.

It's like people somehow think, "yeah, I didn't get beat or raped by my father, but he called me bad names or didnt tell me he loved me enough, so he he was a prick"

Does it suck that everyone doesn't know how to be a good parent and some get locked up in their own life's struggle and don't be there for their kids like they should?

Of course it does... everyone should have caring and loving parents...

It does not equal abuse though.

 

RA got back what he gave, not hypocritical

 

haha....really...you are firing back with an .8 foot dildo in my bum?:love:...really...alright.....ouch.....can i use lubricant?:love:...because an 8 foot dildo will really tear up my rectum...will this be a vibrating dildo..or will you be sporting a strap on 8 foot dildo....we will need a safe word:love:...i just got your screen name finally...e7m8....enjoy7mines 8[feet]


seriously...you better stop before you start crying...my point of view is almost never the one people expect...i suppose if you had your way there would be 1000 of you on this site and we would all be somewhere else?:love:

 

What is hypocritical is the fact that you're arguing the angle of verbal abuse, then turning around and textually abusing another poster.

 

I'm very sympathetic to what you went through. no child should have to suffer that, and it was totally wrong.

I never said that you don't know what emotional abuse is.

I think that the op has given off clear signs of having been abused, as he notes from his low self-esteem

I've heard what you've said though, Tom. I think that the op was abused by his dad verbally, but the abuse that you got was on a much, much, higher level

for what it's worth, I'd like to shoot your dad's knee caps off

 

this is strictly diy

lol