nothing is real!! awaken!!!!!! love!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpLFl8niY2M&NR=1"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4rMV2ajIPA&feature=PlayList&p=A389320AEC259FFA&index=7

you know i often wake up, and I ask myself what is the world? I wake up in a fake sense, and I ask myself what is the world? is this real? who am I? like all the yogis of the past and the shamans and the crazy people, the honest crazies who go stepping out in nothing, because they seem to be the ones who realize most clearly that they are me. But really its just about awareness, is what they all will say, and as I'm trying to convince myself to sit and do nothing and let awareness aware itself to the level of whatever, I find only more of the same, so then theres difference. thats why I go to raves, and I listen to that kind of music, because it makes me happy, and I'm not going to stop just because it won't and this is stupidity, but the future is stupidity, and fuck if I will go that route again.

People... people are myself, and plants are myself, air is myself, etc. thusly, I don't have to move, and I don't have to do anything, and I will not do anything. Theres lots of people who've seen eels and salmon and all kinds of fish moving up stream and making parables out of them. Is emptiness really anything? Sacred space, woman.

All is within, look within yourself and I find myself coming out of it, and falling deeper into my thoughts, thats why I stay home, because I should not have to leave, and suffering should only be a world of pleasure, that...

Well, honestly no, this is bullshit, but we are confined by language, when really language must be it, stretching out tot do whatever, thats something that falls into imagination. But heaven, heaven is everywhere, and yeah, its like a fog on my eyes that doesn't let me see this, the chemicals in our bodies.

So thats why I give up intention. Wherever this may be, and half to all of it may be nonsense, but I just remember being stoned and to speak of being stoned and walking down the streets in the snow in early days, that was to me where it was. Thats where life began to unfold like from the womb, but under the sun. And what can you say at that point? just I don't know and thats wanti.

but fuck wanti, this just keeps following me, and so what, my life is a mess, the world is in a state of disintegration and incoherence, this is what being said, but thats why there's dreams. When you really in your soul can be honest with yourself, and end up on the edge of everything, like a flash in the peripheral, then what are you? And is that only a small peice weaved into the whole? The spider webs all over the woods I walk through like the web, world wide, that entangles me and intertwines and I'm like... well what is it anyways?

I wore so many skirts, I'm a girl, you know and a young girl can do nothing in this world but love. But my definition of this is not what you think, but we are the same, so thats that. And what about fire? This just seems like a dance to me, and a high that will be outlasted. Well batteries do die, but the soul lives on, they say. And some people live in endless suffering, and some in endless ecstasy, this is what they say. But we are all the same, and really theres no point in this being written, but I'm not writing it and its not being written so fuck. Sometimes all I really want to feel is love sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say

Nirvana

We perpetuate our own stories so long, because when we let go it gets boring, and boredom bears a child. Awareness, it seems is only the bliss of the thought, of the knowing that you've reached that state that you could call exalted, and now have some knowledge. But I can't know this, and on this meditation mostly I've just tripped on a lot of hawaiian baby woodrose, smoked a lot of a pot, and meditated somewhat

through this, I came to no conclusions really. I was riled on at the end, after Anthony de Mello did his thing, and making a video explaining something as a shamanic healing upon the world, and community, but it just dragged itself on, true in full form, like the fanfare from some epic was playing, but in the end I rest on the shore of innocence.

And I'm sure that I'm innocent, because thats what I've learned and discerned, thats how I was put back together. Its about death, and killing the mind over and over again, like fish eat fish, this must happen. And I'm not afraid to say it anymore, everything will change, be it that I stay or go.

I found my soul again, I say, and so everyone has found something, and we have met eachother, I have met myself, and helped myself, because it does not end in me, does on pebble reflect the world?

All I know is that the people I know I must leave behind. and everything I must leave behind. Though the visions show me the other way, how could they hold up, without an artist and a gay man's touch of feng shui. I guess it was wierd when two dicks appears and we had a huge orgy in the emptiness of night, only to fall back on our prior skeptical dream.

But this is the way of deer. I've got nothing but my own self, and these stories that help me to remember, no none of it is real, and none of it is unreal. This is echoed but does anyone know how to approach, well like this and like this. It is within.

But you know, what do I know?

Why is knowledge so necessary, and I can't change how others will act, all I can do is my own act, and who is to say we are anything alike?

The meditation is only a bridge into a world of shameless self love, and therefore love of everything, and willingness to share when you can. Do what you can for other people. What I do is write, and everyone could write, if we all just wrote and let it go on wwho knows what would happen, because this is the power of action, it simply makes time, and that is where the concept of Saiyazen which is a feeling that comes from saying a few words as you walk alone or with others down a street or ride on some kind of vehicle. Is the vehicle the body? which is the meeting place between the physicla and spiritual worlds, where the spiritual is a body and a body is nothing. It doesn't matter, and there is no matter. Give up bewilderment and trying, cry in the company of men.

All I know is the several feelings that have come across me in my memory and present experience which has never occured. Blind, I am, to all things and even if this is of use to anyone. But I plan to use it to reach ecstasy. With planning ecstasy comes, and without planning? Maybe, memory tells me so, but you are more of a sage at this point, because you don't need to be here.

There are other bodies and other worlds out there, and every world knows these words on every level. God!

I used to be very sentimental, about the forest and about different experiences, no more, there is only one chowder in the universe, and it is the cow that I follow for the spiritual teaching. But I am the cow, and the teaching is really a forgetting. Forget about it, and start over, you've gotten an impression from so long ago, why? Sooner or later there will be no more impression, because it comes from before you were born, and so if you ever find yourself wandering and thinking of goddess, or starving and being ed you will know that it is truth.

Thats why for my birthday I'd like to restart the mount wasai zen house. I feel the community we had before really understood these teachings and spread them throughout life. Acting as if never there, they have disappeared, like the ground and like anything really.
So now world, be ENLIGHTENED!!!

And you know, I'm sure it seems lame, because it is, but its just not really about this, I know that I have more in my life, but this is something that I'll always be able to cherish... forever. Somehow it has changed me fundamentally and I don't know anymore, what is right and wrong.

I used to wish that the world would become kind of small, smaller than perhaps a yard. It took a long time for me to be understood by the masses, because my teaching was so esoteric and I didn't really understand it, I just assumed that if I had the experience then that must be all that needs to happen, so I experienced it, and I experienced the experience after the experience, and then i lost remained a newbie, because I always forgot, I remained lame, and I never gained. This is how most of the world is, not even just people, even trees and stuff, they remain lame, and never gain, at a low level. And as such I feel its important to read haikus.

I also feel like the ecstatic practices should be shunned because they breed ecstasy, and ecstasy is an experience, and after the experience is another experience. I'm sorry this is the best teaching that I could come up with, in my 48 years of life. But I'm trying.

Lets look into the world, lets look at Mira Bai, who was a saint whose devotion to Krishna was absolute, its all she thought about! But what was Krishna to her truly? Who is Krishna? And when I meditate on this I realize I want to start a campfire.
The campfire is symbolic, the meditation is not.

That is why priestesses of Wanti will forever be confused and thus reach ecstasy. Because in the end that is the point. Its easy to be spiritual when you are ecstatic. And being spiritual is a precursor to flying on the winds of change still like morning mist.

So we made it to the field.

Again I'm sorry that this teaching is not more immediate, and its really just something that I'm calling a teaching, but its the best I can do.

Thank you for your time.

And I repeat that this is just a combination of words, and I don't know. Its just an expirement, and it should be taken as such, I know very little, most of what I do know is made up and based in something that was already there. I'm not really sure why I wrote it, but I did, it can be interpreted in a lot of ways, like anything, so maybe its what someone needs.



Love

 

many things are real. they are simply not the things words are capable of depicting.

 

Necro posting is real!!

I'm curious about the videos that got pulled.