I'm a huge douchebag.

Your wording here echoes an underlying question that I have with common thought. Does having sex with someone else mean that the love is false?

 

not sure why you didn't just have her make you a sammich for a job well done

 

If you have made a commitment to be with someone - it generally involves not sleeping with someone else. They might still love their partner, and not have any feelings for the other person, but it's still a betrayal and not many people could feel the same after knowing hey have done that.

Some people can and do forgive their partners when they cheat, but it should definitely not be that someone is not kind enough to forgive. How about being kind enough to not break someone's trust and heart by sleeping around?

Sorry, this is a big issue for me.

 

I agree with the above post except for the betrayal part. for me it's about the fact that you cannot have with many people what you can have with one, you either have a variety and a bit of everything or one big thing. but it's a matter of one's preferences. so if someone offered me to commit to each other in order to create that big romantic relationship (and provided I felt the same and accepted), it would be ruined if they then went and had sex with someone else. I think I could continue being with them, if I was attracted to them after that (hence 'forgive' them), but the purity of 'big love' would be gone, for sure. Some people only go for the big pure love thing, so once it is ruined they are no longer interested to continue.

 

Epic sounds more epic rolling off the tongue

 

Good point Duck. Why is it that we humans are so possessive of the sensory stimulations of those we choose to mate with?

If one's partner masturbates at the image of another, that is okay. Yet if they were to have sex with another, that is not okay according to the possessive ego of the partner. Yet the stimulation of both acts is exactly the same. Anyone can provide anyone else with sexual satisfaction, yet our egos are so fragile that we tell another to reserve such stimulation for us alone.

 

If someone cheats, it is because they wanted to. How can we dictate the wants and desires of another in life? While it hurts our egos, and we grieve emotionally, all the act really means is that the one who cheated went elsewhere to get what they could not get from their partner; whether that be a night with someone with more money, more physically attractive, more receptive to their needs, or perhaps they just got caught up in the sensory stimulation of their body.

We are free beings, and should treat each other as such. The problem, from my point of view, isn't that a person who cheats is arrogant, conniving, etc. The problem is that we are extremely possessive beings who have come to the conclusion that "love" is the result of our physical, psychological and chemical reactions/senses, and we feel that those senses should only be shared with one other special person and no one else.

 

Anyway, I have no idea what is going to happen. We are talking a little bit. I can't foresee the relationship making it past this (we'd be essentially long-distance and trustless). It is pretty much over.

I'm thinking about jetting off to either Australia or South Korea to work in the fall and just leaving this whole bad situation.

 

you've essentially always been trustless

the only difference is now she knows

 

i had sex with dozens of people in less than a weeks time. my love for my wife isnt any different than it was when I set out on a mission..

 

She only knows because I told her right after it happened. I'm an honest person. I just fucked up and I know it. I'm trying to deal.

I'm trying to press the reset button in my life right now.

 

just wanna say i like lunarverse's ideas on this he says it well.

 

eject button.. eject eject..

 

In truth, she only knows because you are trustworthy; ignores his foolery.

You did bad, but you've done good too.

 

well she would have no respect for you either. it could be a new level of your relationship.

 

I bet it was more guilt than honesty.


you got to wanna be faithful in a long distant relationship and it doesn't appear you wanted to.

 

Well, she is coming back in a couple of days to pick up all her stuff from our house. Or what was our house. I'm moving in with a couple friends of mine for the rest of fire season and throwing most of my stuff in storage.

I've been pretty depressed the last couple of days. I think things will be easier to deal with once the whole situation is changed and I won't be anxious about her coming back to town and maybe never seeing her again. Bleh.

It is also kind of confusing because I've started having feelings for the new girl, but I can't tell if it is just me fearing being abandoned and not wanting to give up what I had for nothing or if the girl is actually just really cool. Not very comfortable feelings though.

 

Apparently not.

 

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. We have put far too much into this relationship for me to throw it all away over one drunken mistake. I'm a forgiving person. I could not forgive an ongoing love affair, but I could forgive a drunken mistake. How could I forgive him? I don't know how exactly to answer that except that I love him that much. Six years is a long time, far too long to give up after one mistake.

 

after six years you'd think he be smart enough to not make such a stupid "mistake"



I don't like the way you people are calling a choice a "mistake"