I made a thread about this a while ago, but in light of recent developments I felt I should make a new one. So I did shrooms. Once. On September 22, 2010. I started experiencing mild disassociation that was only noticable when I would play piano. (I would play a song and then not remember playing any dynamics). It stayed like that untill the end of Febuary/begining of May. My friend hooked me up with a gram of cocaine. I snorted a fifth of it everyday untill it was gone. After that the disassociation got crazy bad. I would talk and not feel like I was talking. I would listen to somebody and it felt like they were talking in a different universe. (keep in mind that between the shrooms and the coke I overdosed (mildly) on tramadol after taking it with alchohol *stupid I know* and smoked weed a few times). Then the dissassociation began to subside. It was still there but not as bad as it was. Then a few days ago white squiggly lines starting occasionally appearing in my peripherials (sp?). I've always had sleeping issues. And last night I had no sleep at all. I thought dissassociation was supposed to subside after a while, not get worse. And because I have sleeping issues, I thought maybe thats why I was getting worse. so my question is: is this normal characteristics of dissassociation or hppd? or am I going crazy? TL;DR: sleep+dissassociation or hppd= going crazy? Thanks a bunch
I have been here, and it is indeed terrifying waters those first couple of months. I never want to go back to that state myself, but I have good news, it is a temporary problem and in time you will find yourself in a permanent solution! You are NOT going crazy. However de-realization or disassociation is generally drug induced so sadly in your own personal life the sympathy from friends and even family may be thin as it was for me. This is an internal struggle you're in now, as the shrooms have kicked your being into a high-gear towards spiritual cleansing and purification. This is a process. Welcome to 'the dark night of the soul' Things to do that would better this blank-eyed affliction: 1. As your inner-essence has now been ripped away from you, perhaps from an intense ego death, you're left with an empty vessel that can barely relate to the 'you' of the past, and fear strikes when you look at the 'you' of the future. In a way this is a helpful gift as it finally brings one into the full present moment as there seems to be no further options to live by. By living a proper present, both your future and past will be re-shaped with incredibly positive outcome. 2. Don't think about the disassociation, especially constantly thinking about it, as a tricky anxiety problem could develop in its place!!! Let it run its course, be very patient, and when a weakened inner-thought embraces the fear of being de-realized, kindly lead your thoughts away into something naturally pleasing like kittens or trees or priorities for you in that day. Remember the more you think about disassociation, the worse it gets, and the more pain you put yourself through. 3. Meditate, meditate, meditate (or even more rewarding, Yoga and/or Qigong)! Introspection will lead you through and to the next and final step to make it through this difficult mental hurdle. 4. Fulfill your spiritual goals and find new enticing things that interest you. Take this as an opportunity to grow out of any shell you may have put yourself into. I did gardening, biking, camping, less v-gaming and computer use, and started doing incredible in my schooling because I now wanted an easier ride in my future to come. If you need help thinking of positive hobbies for initiating spiritual cleansing, I can probably help you further there. The good news is, that you're fine, you're normal, and this is only a long dark tunnel that truly does have a beautiful light at the end. Make it through this arduous experience and you will be rewarded with something absolute in its beauty: human understanding. Mental/spiritual challenges like the one you've stumbled into is what shamans are made of. Just remember, once you make it out of this period (could be weeks, months, or perhaps a couple years), spread the help to others that have began their own trek into the inner-soup of within that we call home
Thank you! That was extremely helpful. You've definently changed my perspective on this whole ordeal. What a relief What's qigong? It sounds interesting. That's my downfall too, t.v. and too much computer. But, I am going turn both off and do something. Again, thankyou so very much.
