observations of recent experience at the psych unit

m okay, the hospital was interesting, aside that it was annoying to

be there, and we narrowly escaped being lobotomized, and it was hard to

sleep, it brought my wife and i together a lot in a cool way, and there

were some cool people, like the ghosts of people i knew... people who

i liked, and the good sides of even bad people, which was slightly

comforting in such a desolate place, their stories seemed relevant to

me, especially one guy who reminded me of my (true dad) who was

actually the greatest doctor there, he said he spent a lot of time in

therapy and in his later days was often confused with an assistant to

the therapist. We talked about psychology, sacred dramas, how even in

places as hopeless seeming as the ward, there is always real healing

available, though perhaps not in the most obvious means/source, the

spirit finds a way to persevere, like in the forest, poisons and their

antidotes seem to usually grow in some relative close vicinity to

eachother, if one knows what one is looking for.



It seemed like it was borderline malpractice at times, the staff

barely even listened, and at first even outright denied for a long

time when i said i had allergic reaction to the medication, was afraid

to talk about any real issues because they probably would have kept us

longer, when in reality we had only come in thinking it would be a

quick two hour psychological evaluation, not a several day inpatient

stay, they kept acting like all they could do was force injections on

people, when I think all they really had to do was ask people to calm

down (I was able to avoid injection or medication for the most part,

but only barely, when I was summoned to the nurse, they would act like

I had no choice, but I would say no, I am allergic to this, I will

develop Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome, its not good for me, still

they insisted, but eventually would relent and say it would probably

lead to a longer stay, to which I responded that I would hope I was

being judged for my behavior and not purely on whether I am taking

medication or not, the behavior after all is what really matters,

besides if I took the medication, which not only is the less sane

choice, I would also be acting uncontrollably because I would be so

uncomfortable, so that made absolutely no sense). There was some crazy

lady saying marijuana destroys your brain (one of the same ones who

also denied I was having an allergic reaction the first night when I

suddenly woke up extremely uncomfortable, lightheaded, sweating,

nauseas, and unable to go back to sleep or remain still, and basically

stumbled out into the main hall were the nurses desk is to ask for

help. She told me at that point, that it "couldn't be the medication",

and that "I was probably going through withdrawal", and that I was a

"crackhead". These comments were extremely distressing at this point

because I was seriously suffering, and her assumptions were totally

unfounded, because I wasn't even there because of any drug addiction

or use, nor have I ever used hard drugs (?), it really hurt me that

she would say that to someone who was in such pain, but I was in no

state to really argue, because of the condition, in addition to the

way situations quickly escalate in that place if any patient has any

thoughts contrary to that of the nurse, she gave me adavan and I was

able to sleep, then but the entire experience of that was just kind of

disturbing. When I said that I used marijuana for medicine, to stay

calm when things get a bit hectic in my mind, and to keep from being

too much of a disturbance to others her comments, the next day, also

pissed me off, because I kept telling her to look it up on the

internet, proven studies, especially about schizophrenics, which

stated that patients who used cannabis had higher levels cognition

than those who did not, also Dana Larsen's study which showed

marijuana protects the brain, she simply said, "I AM NON BELIEVER",

and she told me to look up drug induced schizophrenia, I said I had

looked that up, I knew about it, but also that drug induced

schizophrenia is extremely short term, in the worst cases only a few

weeks (and 90% probably lasting under 24 hour) but then she left, she

at least that was no longer there to be irritating.



we called the fda and tried to report halperidol as an unfit drug for

the market, which they tried to perscribe and an old lady said that

one was particularly horrible, when you see the people drooling and

stuff, when i take any of them i feel too terrible to continue, like i

may die, its like i feel when i used to take robitussin for fun for an

extremely short period when I was 14, i realized quickly i couldn't

really do that because it was much stronger for me than for other

people, i'd get these clouds in my head and then i'd just be so dizzy

only able to crawl around on the floor and feel like im dying until it

wears off, it wasn't exactly that intense but it was close, from

taking one pill of anti psychotic, risperdal, abilify (i know this

from the past) and geodon, which i took only once when i got there,

stupidly, because no one was watching me.



but after a certain point its crazy, i told them, its just frightening

when they keep trying to force it on you, acting like they *can* do

that (and sometimes in the secrecy of the locked psych wards you

really can get to a point where you have no choice though this is

illegal (looking around, I noticed the door which was marked 'keep

unlocked, fire route' was frequently locked, pencils and pens were

widespread throughout the facility [patients are technically not

supposed to have these in their rooms because some are depressed or

suicidal and they can be used to self harm], I was denied the crutches

which I was prescribed by a doctor, because I had recently gotten a

foot contusion) , the alternative being being restrained, when you

have control of your faculties, i mean i did act kind of funny

sometimes, because i figure its a psych ward so why not take advantage

of it, but they seemed just like drug dealers, and most of the people

there were there for drug problems,



the whole thing happened because of the email i sent about being a

cult leader.. which was a joke, then i realized the people who run

that place are basically a cult, a literal cult, and thats why i was

basically being ignored, plus everyone on the staff was either african

or white, I feel like I was being discriminated against for wearing my

kilt, frequently I was being told to put on different clothes, put on

the generic hospital gown when no one else had to wear it, everyone

else wore clothes they brought from home, the nurses had some vendetta

against me it seemed, though I did my best to remain equanimous and

calm, it seemed they were the ones whwo continuously approached with

attitude, which I was partially afraid to acknowledge though I sensed

it, for fear of further restrain, being forced to take poison, etc.



the guy who seemed to be the leader was talking about how they had

beat up people who got in their way, I believe he was a bit crazy, I

just got up at that point and left, one of the nurses had asked me,

'what cult do you follow' I said I follow no cult, if anything, it

could be described as gnosticism, which is direct knowledge coming

from the self, which is the true meaning of wantism.



It seemed to me for the most part somatic resolutions for patient's

ailments were being completely ignored, and basically all they were

doing was perscribing a certain set a drugs, and asking 'how are you

feeling today', the most helpful thing were the group therapy

sessions, where you could mention anything bothering you, but this

only happened on the fifth day I was there, the day that we were

allowed to leave. In my opinion all of them need psychologists, the

place could benefit greatly from gnostic psychology, from nurses being

a bit less forceful when patients are not totally out of control, but

simply expressing themselves in a different way (which is to be

expected in a mental hospital!), and just from a less drug oriented,

more symbolic approach to healing, even something as simple as more

plants in the facility could have a great effect for patients who are

often put in rooms with people who they don't know or might not get

along with at all, and there is no place of privacy except in the

bathroom, and you must constantly appear some degree of normal for

fear of being kept longer or put into more a more intense 'non

voluntary' situation.



There were times when we felt the entire group was against us, but

thanks to our roommate ____, we were able to calm down, and just

accept that we had to maintain a low profile and keep practicing

zazen, (this was our main past time), and eventually we'd get out.



Overall it was an unnecessarily harrowing experience.



On the second to last day, when we were playing guitar in the halls,

we met a girl asking us to teach her to play guitar, she was a cool

person, we became quick friends, she was from Afghanistan, and we

joked she was our mom, it suprised us when she said that women

actually are not treated so badly there, and it was a relief as well.

Her relaxed nature was greatly comforting in a place that was so

uptight, and it was cool to hang out with someone who shared many of

the same philosophies, we talked about the Goddess and ecofeminism,

how to say wanker in a british accent, and getting a ajob growing

medical marijuana, we decided to join her band when we got out, with

her and some other random people.



It was suprising how many of the people there talked about how they

were married and they cheated on their

spouses, so we were happy to shout FREE LOVE at this point. Its

awesome being two-spirited!! Follow your heart, love is the true

medicine.



I hope everyone there is good, and gets out soon, and that the place

starts to suck less.



I also hope it becomes something closer to what is supposed to be, a
safe place where crazies can BE THEMSELVES (as long as no one is
getting hurt) and find some wholeness and healing and the return to
their communities. Not a drug addict rehabilitation center, and not
some kind of weird thinly veiled class-race experiment where all
creativity or non normalness, unexpectedness, is forcefully repressed.






everyone thought we played a mean guitar though, and they thanked us

for the songs, one redeeming thing was they had a cool guitar there

which we could , use sometimes, which so many people had written

little symbols and things on...





and yeah also got out right after I met the cool girl, so methinks

twas the fairies busting us out! there were fairies there too, there

was definitely some heavy magic going on, everyone was pretending to

be stupid to... lucky to get out alive...



the two plants there, there were like those tiny palm tree ish plants,

they weren't even in the sun, so we moved them to the window, and

watered them






there was a guy who actually did get perscribed medical marijuana for

his liver, but he didn't use it, he just sat there reading his bible

constantly and saying wisdom is the application of knowledge, i talked

to him early on because he asked about wanti, but then it just didn't

seem good to talk to him anymore, the whole thing seemed more like

kabbalah than anything else, he said 'its a white mans world' i said

no its not, we are here because we honestly probably deserve to be,

at the highest level, those beings actually do control all of this and

they are not so divided as black and white, its maybe something

difficult for us to see now but as we grow we see more truthfully as

someone who is kind of taoist and doesnt believe too much in the

status quo world, it was hard to talk to him, or many of the staff

members there, because i believe moreso than overall mental health

they wanted you to believe in this world and just give yourself over

to it and all its stereotypes and assumptions, and that just seems

stupid,



its not even really a view thats so hard to overcome if you just take

the time to question every once in a while



sadly it is persistent, as AVALANCHE its our goal to end it
(nonviolently!!) or make it

small as possible, which was kind of our point to this guy, its a lot

less common than one might think, a lot smaller, its just that when

you live inside of it, or if you adhere to it yourself, its hard to

see anything else, its the foundation, but its a bad foundation,

theres many other foundations, in the game final fantasy (though it is
a game, we believe it does have many parallels to reality and can be
used for metaphorical comparison), they talk

about the 'rotten pizza', the different levels of in the urban city of

Midgar which is stacked in two circular upper and lower plates and

divided into sectors, which is the base of the evil company Shinra

which is trying to run the world by sucking all the life energy out

for their reactors, to make money.



In the beginning of the game, you are stuck in the city and its easy

to think thats all there is but fairly soon, you leave the city and so

much of the world is still green, so many people who don't care at all

about shinra, maybe they know about them, but aren't really surrounded

by it, and some don't know at all, or are unaffected, especially at

places like cosmo canyon, where ancient wisdoms still live.



though shinra is a problem, there are ways out, there is much that is

still pristine, not toxic, green grass open plains, free spirits,

small towns,



there are still so many good people, and spirit brings them together

in the way they should be.





there was also a guy there (at the hospital) who apparently had weed,

who kind of sketched me out...





i think I would have been able to stay calmer if my bed was at least

next to the window, but it wasn't I went over there sometimes though

when ____ wasn't there and sang to the trees, seven floors down, it

was still beautiful, in the end I wasn't there so long. I think they

knew there was no real reason I was there, the psychiatrist didn't

even see me until the 3rd day, which was not right either, and that

wasn't even the normal psychiatrist it was the weekend one who can't

really do anything, as soon as I saw the real psychiatrist, that same

day I left, and I didn't even meet with her formally, I just gave her

a little saying I'm sorry I wrote the thing on the internet about

being a cult leader, I meant it as a joke to make a statement, and to

make people think, I believe part of the reason I was there was to DO

healing, I went in saying I would end all suffering, only ended up

suffering more myself, but I think maybe its just part of our work, as

a shaman, and now I can appreciate being out more.





We earnestly pray for the miracle that though we may fall temporarily into imaginary ignorance, none of our actions cause suffering for they are all of good intention


p.s.

and by AVALANCHE (another term from final fantasy 7) we just mean
people who are not totally corrupt and resigned to perpetuating the
system with all its obvious problems, good people who in whatever way,
are for change for the better, for the acknowledgement of the truth,
beyond the unsatisfying and in many ways unreal world dream
perpetuated by the system, the revolution that has been happening for
a long time, which is the true spirit of love and freedom which has
always been the meaning of life.



(friends comment)

I beleive you have the ability to restore the world with love &
compromise. i beleive you have the ability to end suffering done to
you(through suffering itself). I beleive you have the ability to end
suffering done by you to your peers. You have a lot of humility,
especially putting yourself into a place like that, but I also see
your willingness and open-mindness by going to st. lukes house where
the real help resides. What i beleive they should have told you and
the other patients goes a little something like this: (insert patients
name), we are convinced at the mental hospital you have a very popular
condition among our patients here. you are a human


response:

we all have that ability, (friend) because we all are one, the main
lesson of dna is that these are such small differences, the vital
Spirit manifests itself in billions of thousands of ways, yet
essentially every way is the same, its only the mind which changes for
sake of beauty and perception, but the Heart of Hearts is steady with
a truth not dependent on forms, thank you all so much, our dreams will
bring us together in harmony LOVE!!!

 

I've read about half of this, been up all night and will continue the other half later.

I agree, and share most of the experiences you mentioned. Forced meds, un fair treatment of patients, with holding information about medications. they're full of shit dude.

 

mental illness and transgenderism aer becoming the holocaust of the modern times
we are preventing from progressing as a society because of a paranoid and rigid social structure
which systematically ostracizes those who have tried but cant seem to fit in, who try to change it in any non
traditional, peaceful way, or even just live solitary lives true to their hearts
the wisdom of the ancestors is widely labelled as insane, except to a select few elite and also those naturally knowing,
making it difficult for those in between to spread their wisdom, to work together,
at the same time is suffering of the ancestors, is exageratted to such a degree, that all we see is suffering, and we are constantly in fear,
we have always been, the errors in the ways we have begun to do things is being acknowledged
and the world is at a time of transition, we have to heal, and to live happily and freely, we have to support eachother, in real organic natural ways, and refuse the mechanical labyrinth of 'the system', as much as possible, there is a middle way which nature knows between the mathematical and the organic, but this is only possible when we allow there to be different combinations and innovation, when we do things in different ways, and see the oneness in all of them except for doing them in one way alone, and saying "all ways are determined by how this measure up to this way"
we seriously damage ourselves and not only our health but the health of our communities by treating the mentally ill in the way we do, by misrepresenting them and taking advantage of them, and ignoring the alternative, and the middle way which comes with psychic activity which comes from getting people grounded enough that they can cultivate and use their gifts and also live in society, this comes simply from respect,
within certain communities, religious communities, there is a certain respect that is held for mental illness which is not found in other communities, because the spirits are respected in a sense though its still very different, we are struggling to create and equalize this spiritual realm which is not desolate from people and totally isolated but actually a real place, the shamanic worldview... we see echoes of it on the internet, and through psychedelic experiences, and psychic phenomenon, but it is never really spoken of, it grows of its own accord, through the spiritual movements, and unitarian movements, fairies, and the opening of magical realms, the remembering of wanti, it is really the tree of life, which we are regaining eyes for, which has always been there, but the world dream which we have foolishly began imposing on each other for various unfortunate reasons (which could even be seen as old curses), has blinded us to this truth in favor of things like greed, games of division, which block us from seeing the real unity, cause suffering and unneeded drama and karma, for lessons which can simply be spoken, or wordlessly acknowledged.
We have to seriously rethink our ways, even the symbols that we use, what do they mean, in small things there is much we can do to change tremendously the momentum entire world we live in for the better, what is needed is real learning though, everything must be changing, when we use machines so much, there is kind of an unfeeling paradigm, this has been lurking up on us for some time, after the invention of cars, in medieval times, there were oppressors but there were always a fair share of heroes, in these days heroes, adventurers in the classical sense are much more rare, and i think this is caused by the collective consciousness being manipulated through the media by certain forces which are against this kind of individuality, and free living, they want everyone to be dependent on their groups on their corporations, and even forcefully try to impose this sometimes, but it must not be so, we must look back to the pure bounty of the Earth herself, of mother nature, and take the direct path, as much as possible, we must see the living process of our food, know what foods grow, grow our own food, and our own medicine at least in part, at least sacramentally, this way we can really say that we are a peoples, but this individuality is so important, otherwise we are just blindly led around by corporations, even unknowingly, because they've controlled so many factors, so many are just drones.
Break free from that mentality, create culture of your own, away from the media, its the only way, also the free area of the internet is good because random people can get their voices out and some really original ideas are shared at a large level without having to go through any corporation and exposure at that level has its good and bad sides.

to the society of today, we say

wake up! accept change! we could all be so much happier, when will false scarcity end? when will we stop suffering for the mere notion of tradition, which has no real spiritual or moral basis, but is more accurately described as a detrimental habit, this cannot be our foundation, we cannot continue to call the visionaries of our time crazy and trap them in dead end situations, there are always many ways of doing the same thing.

Who knows what they could show us, what would happen if we could just come together without falling back to an anachronistic status quo so often
for the mere sake of commercialness or 'commonality' theres a difference between commonality and just evil, just because the radios and commercial world try to perpetuate their artificial hypnotism to mimic and our true natures and trap us in a false imitation passing it for the real thing for their selfish benefit doesn't mean that we have to submit to it, especially when its also against the harmony of the natural environments of this world, its almost cartoonish what we have to deal with sometimes, but in the end i think it works, the message gets across, and we can really do things, despite this mass illusion that says you can't, we are developing a new kind of intelligence based on what is right, not what is the law, maybe one day our system will even begin to reflect this that one who does not harm, and is only trying to do good for themselves and others will succeed, no matter what route they try, and those who only think of themselves and harm others consciously or even insensitively will fail until they learn the meaning of compassion and the connection between all things.


We cannot continue to compulsively poison those who are different with toxic brain damage inducing medications (and disregard organic remedies) and refuse to really think about what they are saying from the psychological spiritual and symbolic level and offer them simple techniques of *living* which can perhaps help them even more because they can keep their god-given gift and be the part of the world they were meant to be, the way it looks now its just a reflection of our ignorance to the needs and sanctity of the environments, i truly believe that some of these people are muses of nature and the spiritual realms if they are not distracted so much by the hype of the commercial world and allowed to express themselves and be heard.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl9K8Gdy-18

 

I didn't read this because it is insanely long and I don't like double-spacing. However, I have been in the psych. ward twice in my life (for about a week each time). I was essentially forced into it- I could either voluntarily go OR risk possible court intervention and INvoluntary commitment (which looks really bad on your record and I would have easily gotten it as I was making homicidal direct threats to specific people).

I hated every minute of it. They treated me like I was stupid because of my illness. No. Although I have a mental illness, I am still quite intelligent. They also neglected to give me medicine when I needed it, which pissed me off even more. I finally got a shot in the arm of an antipsychotic (which I actually WANTED at the time) after an hour of raging homicidal threats to the staff.

I look back at those experiences with severe fear and have nightmares about it to this day. I will do ANYTHING from now on to avoid getting put there. Luckily my situation has improved enough lately to avoid it.