When I walk outside or into a room, I think everything happen here is happening in relation, it is all a beautiful dance, who but the Fae could explain it so well and gracefully? The Fae have charged my life with a virtue that I had not known before, tuned as they are, naturally, to the mysteries of life. There is a balance and ecology to the happenings of life, of this I am sure, we can communicate with the fabric of existence, through intuition, always allowing space for spontaneity to grow within, enliving the peice, for down by the river, sculpting faces out of dirt I wonder, perhaps none of it is real anyway, but I know better, it is only the way, it is their subtlety and their unhinged humor that leaves me whistful every time, in the tapestrys that they weave upon the ground each day, in the arrangement of the twigs and leaves, a movement, a shimmering light, a smile, a face, few words, words of peace, words of love, fantastic words, beckoning, I found myself at the river of three lives meeting, all of them were my own, where the dragons roamed then, to give us innocence, which proved only to make us strange. Strange we are and how crazed, this world does think, the trees do think, they calmly dwell upon eternity. As I again, pine, sweetly call to The Goddess, I call to my lover, I call for union, it is art of course, it is the fruit of pretension. For I am the bear woman! Strong I rise stretching my arms to the sky. Knowing these words are pointless I carry on, drunk in the night, carrying only my suitcase of sweat pants, cannabis, and loaf of bread. I travelled the night praising laughter! Who and what and where has the humor of the world fled to? It that place that is my home, and it is there where we do fly, in the lonely moment, whisked away by a bumblebee. they all began to laugh, they laughed, and I looked at them laughing, I didn't understand them, I demanded they explain! I must have gone to far because suddenly I was being shunned! I couldn't belief my misfortune, when I set up camp, I just imagined music in my head, I knew I would die out here, in these woods, and I knew it would be quite alright if that happened, for once the fire in me was restored, I looked at Flo, as she fluttered about, I said, “Honey, I'm tired.'' she said, “sleep is the logical solution but…” I returned to my meditations. Below me the living earth, all around us the stars, the forces of forever, reckoning with our tiny and insignificant lives. The prayers got more intense then, though we had forgotten about everything by then, even why we had come, given our lives up to the travellers call, in each river there was a different colored leaf. Why do they set up so much nonsense, of course, I was glad to understand none of it, for society had long ago left me for dead. Residing in the realm of spirit, I was like so much moss. I write this now to repay the Fae, who took me in as one of their own, for a short time, and taught me the depth of the little things. I now walk with a different step, and live means different to me, because I can see something clearer. I see that it just has to be ceased, let go and let it flow out of you, she said to me, like a sponge beginning to run, just…. ahhh. I realized these, spirits who befriended me were different, of a different nature, but they were friends none the less, and Wanti was a place that is real, or maybe just a state of mind, a way to view it, as in times we imagine were long ago, where there was not much to do but sit around, it must have been a great pleasure. I laugh and love and still do, for it has come fully through this being, and seeing this I am probably only further from an ultimate truth, however, it is immaterial to me, I have something I have had all along and not been able to admit to myself, only for the reason of lack of words to properly compute what was happening, lack of the inspiration to represent myself to myself as it really was. There is not much I do know, in terms of information that is not important, when it comes to this, what story will not tell, we wear our histories in our clothes, in the way we act, in our thoughts, need we be bound to a story? Inevitably the patterns arise, and I am finding myself at the top once more tumbling down, but this time its different, why? Because this time, what is there to do but go straight for the gusto, living the love of the goddess in all things that I do, life so beautiful, I can be sad, it is still beautiful, I can be so joyful. All the humda of all the happenings ever, just to justify the feelings that we feel so freely right here today!!! Rock on, love and anarchy!! I was ready to die, but instead I rocked on, the Fae grabbed me, they took me to many places, they followed me, I hid from them among the trashcans behind a convenience store. Suddenly I was accosted by my own wit, for below me I saw a spoon. Of course there was no need to pick up that spoon, and toss it heroically into the horizon but i did it, the fairies saw it and they surrounded me. We agreed to do it again every Friday, I settled back into my meditation, many times it was dark, and I thought about things, I felt frustration and hopelessness. As I wallowed in these feelings, the divine ones would attack. They're blows were like orgasms, on the battleground of my soul I began to hum, it was there that I gave up categorization, and explanation. It was there that for the first time I was okay to sit idly, watching war happen. It was surreal because no one seemed to feel any pain, it felt good to them, like it did to me, everyone rushed to death, as if it was life. So as I lay there, flashing in and out of my predicament as some kind of shaman/priestess/janitor I remembered what it was to be who I am, every single thing that had ever happened in my life, that sometimes led to those strange and unheralded romps through uncontrolled bliss and cosmic knowing. Why? It all seemed just to happen because it could, who was the marmot on the other side, showing off all this time… I knew all along it was Flo. And it wasn't about the money, nor was it about the simple things, it was about getting down on that dance floor when the time comes. For here, where our fears are in the light, where everything is made right, in nature, I say aigy! Guide us to whatever, that good thing! but there was no guide, only the open road, so I just relaxed and didn't stress too much and everything was great, everything got done, and got done well, and everyone was happy, the end! I am mad and there is nothing else to pursue but more madness. I welcome insanity, and cherish it as the highest blessing and gift, the greatest good performable in this life. The divine madness is like a stitch in time, I don't even know what that means. My love is everywhere, leave nothing out, my love is there, my love is God's love, and it is unknowable and it is all enveloping, had I known this before I would have left a long time ago, but now I'm here, now the fairies console me, they bring about in me a feeling to remind me of the simplest poetry of cereal and rosary, why do they do it? They are mischievious little ones! They teach their wisdoms, based upon nothing at all, they only teach to teach, as the mushrooms grow, I looked at them, consulting my handbook on divine madness, breaking through my bones, I no longer run about unsettled, simply in standing the world is torn apart, simply in waiting it is whisked away, beyond my control, perhaps in this expression something will change, perhaps the gods have been urging this very writing, its all so important as I have lived each of these moments, serving with great spontaneity the truth which lives in us all equally. I admit I do love the trees! I see nature everywhere, and I would move the leaves around, the trees everywhere, I love them, I love them so much, trees! They shimmer with such an intense standing it can sometimes bring me to tears, okay, I am getting ahead of myself. I am not so emotional, though I try to base all of this in the truth, I am only one who writes too pass the time, in some instances there is illumation, but that is something that is like a good cup of tea, frankly the longer the water boils, I lose myself in the Goddess. Walking into the post office, was a whole different story, besides the fact that I had no reason for being there, there was a woman who seemed to be having some kind of emotional issue. I shied away. I left. Why? I thought i could always go to those in need, but here I am far from perfect, why did this happen? For one it did not happen, but its only a message that sometmes we need to step aside, hard as it may be, step aside to let the tao begin to really work, nothing needs to be done, just let the magic happen. The point is that you made it here. I used to always feel uncomfortable, not knowing what to do, now I know what to do, and that is to write! To let it come through, when I'm on the bus looking out the window, and looking at the people, and feeling that feeling, that feeling of people together, and such a love for these people who are also living in earnest, on whatever trip they are on. Sometimes I say something about it, but usually I just let it build inside of me, I know that maybe some of them can feel it, maybe they are thinking the same thing, how much good goes, unrecorded in the world? Good is like that, you know, humble. As a sprite of chaos, I must say however that when partaking of the sacred herb, I find that innovation around its use has life altering effect, indeed my life has been reduced to the amount of different ways I can express that which has revealed itself to me as all that matters, art, expression, creation, and nature. I smoke weed and eat the garlic mustard. Everywhere, I see your face… then I forget about it and I sleep, having written much… not knowing what to do with it all, it was a fae frenzy, and I will rise again once more! I will rise again like the sun, in a feminine way, and I will sit chastely in the sky, while the world buzzes on. Something about being up there really makes me feel good, even though I know I am just sunflower in a play. Forever the mystery dances and so forever I will write, even if its pointless, because, love is nothing that can be put in jar. When Subhuti asked his questions of the buddha, it could be wondered why he asked? I don't wonder this though, as I roam still, questing for psychedelics, and yogic techniques, my young heart full of ambition, sure this is life, and should they appear again from the tops of trees singing songs of memories long past, I'll tell them I am the sunflower and that they can do the math for themselves, chuckling then, life is beautiful, the roosters crow, the birds do their thing above us, every day I inch a bit closer to enlightenment! Do not fear the horned ones, they are right as rain, though from a different culture, they are nice just the same! we all are very different, but we share a common thing thats why we are together one and all on this old swing No longer shunned, I put aside madness, I looked at the wall, at the drawings I'd made over the years, did they really mean anything? Of course, this had to happen embedded here is my soul… I don't know what else to say, it justifies everything, though I've been afraid to say it that which has given me that confidence is the sky Love is all around you, the fae are all around you when you talk like this, who knows what you mean by what, just listening to the songs… and watching it all unfold, I'll be there, for this is the way to grow, watching all as it comes and goes, equanimity, it is somewhere… it is in the patience, the few moments it takes to sit down and meditate, to really look around you and appreciate your surroundings, to dare to go far beyond the way things seem to be, for in reality, they are so much more wonderful, even boredom is a miracle, when I meditate upon it, now on the thoughts themselves but on the appearance of it all. Its sudden, its changing, and it may seem to lose something, a certain vitality, do not worry, for we fall again into yet another world upon this realization, the natural world of the seasons, for through meditation we have become like the world itself, we surrender ourselve to the cosmic oneness, that is unconsciously continued even in our innermost thoughts… within all this there is one continous line… and that is who you are… speaking directly to non existence, praying to nothing, meditating on nothing, what could ever happen? all of this can happen, simply from that… when I think about magic I try to understand but I can't help but lose myself in the knowing that anything could be anything, and at that point I can no longer fit myself into the normal bounds of being which we experience and talk so often of. Language I believe is set directly against this state, in most cases, through our usage of it, yet the Fae come to it in another way, through feeling, and through interprative dance, and humor. It sounds crazy, but the religion of these strange lands seems to just be that, and it brings along with it something almost funky, and definitely unique, thats why I find myself often wondering what is going on truly here, and if it indeed is just all 'my own problem' not that it is a problem, I admit, it is a great honor to experience this, and to live this teaching along side all creation and my comrades here, I feel this is what life is truly about. Even though I have not said anything about it. But looking at the children of today, they are amazing, in them you can tell we are off to great things, amazing things are happening, and not just there but everywhere, walking down the street, sure everything is a sign, sure, love spring in every step, sure the dance goes on, here and here and here… everyone knows whats up, they've known it all along, it was just a matter of time, now its out, its what no one had dared to belief before but had all hoped secretly… its out, its out, yay! “We are such stuff as dreams are made of!” Wrinkle in Time Love!
