Settling down, starting ''real life''. Am I socially retarded or something?

Ok so here's the deal. I'm 26. I come from a town (or at least a circle of friends) where everybody seems to achieve ''milestones'' all at the same time. I've never been much of a follower, but nowadays I'm sorta feeling like I'm behind.

In the last year, ALL of my close friends bought houses with their girlfriends. I'm not kidding. One did it, and then ALL the others followed. On my end, I do have a girlfriend I've been with for 2 years, things are... alright I guess, but I really just feel like I'm not ready. I'm just not there.

On the other hand, I kinda feel like I'm being pushed into a corner. My girl is hinting she wants me to stop stalling, but again, I'm not there. I know I'm supposed to be myself or whatever, but seeing all this around me, turning 26, still not knowing where I'm going too much is making me feel like the odd one out. Am I getting old to be the way I am? Should I just ''settle'' and get used to the suburbanite lifestyle?

I feel like I know the answers to all my questions, but like I said, I feel like I'm the only one.

If there are some older gentlemen who's been where I've been, or that settled later on in life, I'd really like to hear from you.

So yeah, that's me whining! wanh wanh wanh, boo, fucking, hoo!

 

I don't feel ready either!

You should feel lucky that you have a support system and your girlfriend is pushing you. I wish I did!

I think part of what is getting you is looking at it as "settling down".

Really, by getting a stable base in your life, it allows you more freedom; more opportunity.

Just cause you have a stable job and a house doesn't mean you have to have kids or stop going out, or stop doing things you love.

It gives you a starting point and a home base. Something to come back to. Something that you have. A solid island in the tumultuous sea of life.

If you want to save up some money to do this investment, buy yourself some webspace, play with stocks, join a band and practice on the weekends; you can, cause you won't be totally screwed if it doesn't pan out.

 

I'm not an older gentleman, but I absolutely hate the thought of anyone "settling" for anything in life. I would rather die than settle for mediocre.

Figure out what you want, what you REALLY want, and then go get it, try as hard as you can. It's pretty simple. If your girlfriend wants that life and you don't, you're best to let her pursue it with someone else. If your job is bothering you, apply to some new ones. If you simply want to live a life as free from any responsibility as possible (my personal goal), don't ever feel pressured to settle for anything, or have your life go in a direction in which you don't want it to.

I understand about seeing yourself in relation to others. Everyone my age has a college or university degree by now and most have semi-decent jobs. I'm just beginning my road in a better direction. When you look around it can be hard not to feel excluded from the social norm, but you just have to remember what it is that you want for yourself and your own life, and focus on that. Not the division in your mind between what you think is and what "should" be by someone else's standards.

 

We're the same age and I feel nowhere close to settling down. In my opinion 26 years old is way too young to settle down. I feel like this age is meant for freedom and discovery.

It sounds to me like the only reason you're even giving this any consideration at all is because your friends have reached that point in their lives. Their lives have little to do with yours, however. Forget about your friends. Forget about your girlfriend, at least when considering where you want your life to go at the moment. If the best thing you can say about her is things are "alright" then you should push her out of your head when considering long term goals because that relationship doesn't exactly sound like a love for the ages.

What do YOU want? What makes YOU happy? When you push all extranenous factors out of your mind, what is your heart truly telling you about where you want to be in life?

Forget about everything else and find YOUR answer to these questions.

ps: you most certainly are not socially retarded. You're just hanging out with some extremely ordinary and average people, it sounds like.

 

It helps for me to think about other people who found their success later in life.

Sylvester Stallone, James Joyce, Colonel Sanders, Rodney Dangerfield, Harrison Ford, and even Jesus were struggling at blue collar jobs and made their big breaks in their 30s.

Henry Ford was broke 5 times before he started Ford Motor Company.

Oprah struggled in TV until she got her show at 29.

Oliver Stone was 40 when he had his first hit.

Etc. etc.

 

If you are not there for whatever the reason may be, and you don't truly feel like it is the right time in your life, don't do it. It goes for many things in life.

Not if thats what you want outta your life. So all your friends are settling down, thats great for them, but what is good for one, does not mean for all.

 

Thanks for all your replies guys. Feels good to know I'm not alone! lol.

What you are all saying make sense. It's not because people around me are going into a direction that I think is boring that I should do it too.

I was talking to an older friend of mine who said, ''ok, so alot of your friends (even those who's girlfriends are crazy bitches), are buying houses right now. Just remember this conversation and look where everyone is in 10 years. You may be surprised''.

I don't with divorce or anything like that to anyone, but still, it kinda makes ya think!

 

The discontent of youth becomes a life of quiet desperation. However the discontent of youth is not the native environ of youthful spirit, but rather the symptom of a diet of sour grapes.

 

These milestones include mortgages ????

Just because your different doesnt make it wrong

 

i am 25 and am i cannot even maintain a serious relationship

the grass is always greener on the other bloody side.

 

But we're omnivorous.

 

that's right.

 

i like to tell stories, anyway...and i'm not doing a damn thing..so...

about 25 years ago, the fella that was then my best friend was dating a woman who he had dated in high school. up til then, he had had as many as 5 women he was dating at a time. sometimes, it was wild as shit. once, he like to got shot by a jealous husband...we snuck out of a new year's celebration in a public gym, as, when we sat down, the woman and her husband were sitting in front of us. when the house lights came up, my bud said, 'i gotta go.' and i looked like 'wtf?'. i went with him out the door, and he explained...

fast forward to this 'dating the high school bitch' thing. he had decided he needed to finally settle down. this was a decent looking woman, but she had 'mental issues'. frankly, i think she was just spoiled. she pitched tantrums....yelling on the phone, threats...bs. he married her anyway, bought a house. i told him then (as i had already been through that 'i'm supposed to do this...'marry, have brats, buy house, be responsible...you know..you been looking at it in detail going on around you-fucking hive brained shit). anyway, i tole him, 'don't let her vest in your retirement plan. if it aint workin' out, ditch her ass before 5 years.'.

he did not. she got a decent percentage of his retirement. during the years they were married, she moved first her pregnant daughter (who dint know who 'daddy' was) in, then one of her sons, then her father in on them. he was supposed to feed them all.

in my case, i tried all that crap. i took women semi-seriously. dint run around on them. married a couple. it sucked. i'm tired of people telling me what to do and how to live. one woman who was really good at 'instructions' was always telling me what to wear, what to drive...etc.. i finally told her, 'when you can run your goddam life worth a shit, then i MIGHT let you discuss mine with me.'.

bullshit. so you are the 'only one'? you may be the only motherfucker out of all your friends who winds up happy or even content. don't follow what someone else does. look inside yourself...what is it that YOU WANT? what seems to make sense to you? no one else will clean up the mess if you fuck up...so think things through...and try not to follow.

lead, follow, or get out of the way is my motto. if you follow, you can expect to wind up at the same destination that the rest of them reach. be sure that's what you want. the evidence of 'where you wind up' is all around you. talk to other people who seem to have their shit together, and think long and hard.

ps, a few years back i spoke to my buddy imentioned above...he was divorced by then, sadder and wiser. i said, 'you know, you had the world by the nuts back when you were pokin' all them women, and then you had to go and fukkin git married??? whassa matter with you?'. i think i pissed him off. aint heard from him since. some people can't deal with bluntness, eh?

 

Well 26 isn't as bad as 36. No rush but don't leave it too late? I mean you wouldn't want to be too old to see the kids grow up properly, go to uni/get married etc.

 

You'll be hard pressed into "settling down". You will probably find yourself quite lonely.
But the alternative is being constantly nagged and henpecked, running around after kids she wanted and you didn't, in a soulless job.

 

I know numerous people, one of whom is my own mother, who have all (nicely) stated that if they could do it all over again, they'd never have kids. That's not to say they don't love their own children. But settling down (with or without kids) changes the course of the rest of a person's life, for better or worse.

I think a ton of people feel that pressure, of societal norm, "I should do that, that's what adults do."

That being said, divorce is now the societal norm...

 

Shiv, I am 26, and in the same year this is what happened to best friend #1:

- bought half a million dollar house with his recent wife, renovated for 10,000$+, changing jobs from the 65k a job he landed RIGHT OUT OF UNIVERSITY to something much better . ..

best friend #2:

- moved to one of the most beautiful places in the world to become a specialist surgeon who will make tens of thousands of dollars a MONTH and drive a motorcycle around a dream city



meanwhile i have just spent 8 years graduating from the same 4 year program as them. but you know, everything happens at its own pace. I used to feel a little pressured by my friends moving forward so quickly, but I knew I had legitimate reasons for being a little slower "moving on" (health problems). but now i am moving on, i'm going to get my first full time job with a decent salary in a few weeks, I'm going to move out into my own place ASAP, maybe my gf will move in with me after a while . . . . don't compare yourself to other people TOO much. as long as you've got SOMETHING going on, it doesn't matter if it seems like you don't have as MUCH going on as others. George Gershwin didn't even touch a piano until he was in his 50s, and today he is recognized as one of the most famous american musicians of all time, and famous pianists of all time.

If I really want to depress myself I just have to think about my father, who at 18 was married, had a child coming, and was escaping a communist regime across the atlantic ocean to start brand new from scratch in a country who's language he didn't speak.

 

:iagree:
Dont feel so obligated to follow the croud. Ya never know where their lives will end up, and I would be willing to bet half those guys will be divorced by 40...plus, she'll get the house.

Unless you are 100% ready to give yourself whole-heartedly to another human being, don't do it. Like luna said, divorce is the norm now, sadly.

I know I'm not your target audience because I'm only 23, but I talk to older adults all the time...and I watch. These are the trends I'm seeing.