I had a boyfriend a while back and we were like best friends, we did everything together, played, worked, slept, lived and laughed. We made each other happy no matter what. We had an unspoken emotional agreement that we wanted to be together just the two of us. However there were times when I cheated on him by doing something sexually physical with another guy: kissing, sex, etc. usually while I was already under the influence and in a friendly environment. But afterwards I didn't feel like I had betrayed my boyfriend in any way, I still wanted to be with him all the time and I didn't have the slightest bit of interest in the guys that I got physical with. However I felt like if I actually told him about those others guys he would have been upset and felt like I had done wrong by him, but he was the only one I wanted and the times I cheated were not special or significant they just happened in that moment. So I'm not sure was I actually wrong?
How would you feel if he told you that? It is cheating unless you have an open relationship and have his approval to do that.
@ TAZER-69 "His approval"?? You see that sounds wrong... I am an independent human being and I should be free to do what I please in my own personal time, BUT i need his approval if I'm going to be physical with someone else? you see those are possessive and obsessive ways of thinking about a relationship, and that is unhealthy. You see if I protect myself so as not to catch anything or pass anything to him. I don't know if it is as wrong as you say sir. and an Open relationship? when you say that I don't think you are serious at all and its just about sex.
so you cheated on your boyfriend repeatedly and you think you didn't do anything wrong because you don't feel guilty? good for him for getting the hell out of that relationship.
You are selfish beyond imagination. YES YOU CHEATED! If you felt that what you were doing was right, you would do it with your SO watching. Your ideas of a relationship are warped. You need to leave the guy you are with and find someone who doesn't mind that you fuck other people. If you are with someone who would be hurt by your actions, it is selfish to continue these actions and stay with them.
getting into that sort of relationship carries with it an "IMPLIED TRUST". You trust that he will be honest and straight with you, and he trust's that you will be straight and honest with him. Unless an open relationship has been discussed and mutually agreed on, you have violated that trust. I know of a few men that thought they were the father of a baby and married the girl. After the baby was born, tests showed that he was not the father, and the marriage ended. Would you be honest with him if you allowed him to pay the way for someone else's baby? How would you feel about a guy if he violated your trust? He has every right to feel that way about you. It seems you really don't think very highly of him.
we had an unspoken emotional agreement that we wanted to be together just the two of us. I cheated on him But afterwards I didn't feel like I had betrayed my boyfriend in any way, I still wanted to be with him all the time So I'm not sure was I actually wrong?[/QUOTE] Really? Read your post. just the two of us? I cheated on him? you want to be with him all the time? sounds to me like only when you aren't fucking someone else. It won't last.
You had an agreement and you violated that agreement. This isn't about you being an 'independent human being', it's about you being dishonest with your boyfriend. As an 'independent human being' you should not have made agreements you had no intention of keeping. Evidently you are not independent, but a slave to your desires.
When you use the word "cheat" in the title of the thread, you implied that there were rules that you had agreed to. You are free to agree to those rules, but, having agreed to them, you shouldn't cheat. Exactly what are those rules? It depends on your situation. It depends on which rules you and he agreed to.
Free, yes I agree, as long as he understands that. You need to make him aware that is the way you are. If he still wants to be in a relationship with you, cool, if not, so be it but you must tell him what you expect. It's 'cheating' if he doesn't know. You know that because you titled this thread 'The truth about cheating?' It's wrong if he doesn't know, period. If you can't tell him about you having sex, kissing etc with other people, you're not being honest. If you're not being honest with him, you can't expect him to be honest with you.
Wow, you've really told yourself so many lies that you don't know how to be honest w/ even the person you've convinced yourself that you want to be with all the time. You're too afraid to be completely honest w/ anyone.
Are you trying to rationalize your actions and are looking for our approval?? It sounds like you are. I would simply put the boot on the other foot and ask yourself how you would feel if the reverse was happening. Would you still stand by the same standards? Would you? Time for a long hard look in the mirror and a bit of honesty with yourself, me thinks. Oh, and just one last point, why are you not getting your boyfriend to give you the sex that you are seeking elsewhere? Again, makes me question how honest and open you are being with him, and actually how tight your relationship really is. Sorry if my post seems a bit attacking, I don't mean it to be but the OP is pressing all the wrong buttons!!! lol
