I just watched the movie The Vicious Kind. It's pretty much about destructive relationships whether it be family or between this guy and girl. What makes certain people so drawn to damaged people? I find them so irresistable. Someone who has felt the deepest of pain or sadness. Who has such a different outlook on life because of a rough childhood. Or is just a loner by nature. Or someone with strange sexual desires. It's facinating to me. I used to date one of these people and just kept thinking there was something more deep inside him. Why do we idealize people? I blinded myself to who he really was: a selfish, unstable, cheating asshole. And yet I still think about him... Even when I'm in the best relationship in the world. I guess there's just something intriguing about the damaged. Idk if I want to find out if he's terribly unhappy or having the best of times. I guess it doesn't really matter. I remember he tried to call me before and I just held the phone in my hand afraid to answer. Such weird feelings. Like I wanted to talk to him but wanted to make him think I was mad and never wanted to speak to him. I've always had trouble holding grudges. He was just so different and beautiful. But we never worked as a couple. Maybe I'm just looking for closure. We left on such bad terms. I hope someday we'll run into each other somewhere. Say our hellos and have a good life, see you never...
I just had an hours-long conversation over McDonald`s hamburgers with a girl who would be perfectly fit to be my worst nightmare, and therefore is my dream girl: girly, clingy, unrealiable, superficial. I crush on women whom my pride would not allow me to date. That is why I have chosen independence, the sting of loneliness being a small price to pay by comparison (I think). Peace
It's so funny how we are drawn to people who are so wrong for us. I can't even tell you how many jerks I've dated. Lots of intense, self-centered types. I guess I've learned my lesson. But still I think no matter how happy I am, there will always be that dark temptation in the back of my head. Sometimes I think people long to feel pain. Makes them feel more alive. Just like how its nice to cry sometimes. I know it's over kill, but I'm sure you'll meet your match someday. I did. Just when I had chosen to be alone. Now I'm coming up on our first year. And we've never even had an argument. It's so unreal. This has been the longest relationship for me. I've always dated, broken up and re-dated. It's great.
