Answering machine message at a Mental Hospital

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly, cleaning the phone off thoroughly each time.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call, come to your home and finally capture you.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer, because no one wants to talk to you. Then go out and buy this institution an entire new phone system and be sure to spend your credit card completely to the limit.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy talking to more important callers to talk to you right now.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down &cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

If you are hopelessly addicted to the Internet, hang up the phone, get on your computer immediately and forward this to everyone in your address book

 

This is hysterical...good laugh for the day!!

 

Far Fuckin' Out, Man.

 

That's hilarious..thanks for the laugh.

 

Aww...that's mean.

 

You mean that was a joke???
I thought you called the hospital and thats what they really said....
Did they ask you if you had seen me???

 

This quote is especially troubling to me because my son suffers from PTSD.


Sorry,but, I see no humor in the afflictions of others.

 

These are not funny. People actually suffer from psychological disorders & there's no reason to make someone feel embarassed just so you can get a laugh.

 

Me either

 

Sorry WE1, this was not intended. I don't see it as humor in the affliction of others, I see it as a cynical persiflage on the way, how they are srewing back healthcare more and more. I know nothing about your health care system in the US. But here they are telling us more and more, sorry folks, no more money to help you, and on the other side they spend billions of Euros for building up new administration palaces in our new capital Berlin and rising up the salaries of the management, because living in Berlin is much more expensive, than it was in Bonn. Here is every working German forced to pay in a mandatory health care insurance, but when it comes to a injured event and you have no own money to help yourself, you are lost. Several suicids happened last year, when they discarded the financial aid for people, who were not able to drive a car or use public traffic, but had to come 2 or 3 times a week to a clinic for getting a dialysis or similar by using a taxi. Nobody said, sorry, wrong decision, we'll withdraw it, they said nothing and thought, shit happens and collatoral damages too. If you're offended by this, I can life with it, but if your son has read this and is offended, I'll ask Skip to eliminate this thread.

 

I know you meant no harm.
I have been hospitalized 3 times.
Yes...in a mental ward

Sometimes i use humor to get through the day....
Sometimes others are offended at me because I deal with some of my issues with humor.
Doesn't matter what I do sometimes...I'm offending someone...
So I keep to myself alot. Because alot of people don't understand and I'm tired.

But I do know the vein this was given in and I know you would never hurt anyone here on purpose.

Love,
teepi

 

I totally got the point of that joke, southernman...and i thought it was funny as hell. Lighten up people.