My wife left me 2 years ago. We had been together for 28 years. I love her so much. She said she wasn't happy. She was very nice about it but didn't want to talk about anything. Previously we had been to a marriage councelor a couple times. She said they never helped her. I thought they helped a lot. About 5 years ago, she went though a bought with breast cancer. From the time she was diagnosed she just cut me out of her life. It was as if I didn't matter. She rarely showed me any affection. Now, she acts like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me at all. I've tried to ask her if we can at least be friends. She says we can but she won't talk to me or return my calls. Anyway, I ran into her today. I could tell she was very nervous seeing me. We made some small talk and went our separate ways. It really gets to me that I can't hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her. I miss her being in my life. I can't imagine going through life without her.
I can understand what you are going through, I have a similar story but married 15 years and no breast cancer. Its a tough thing for sure, my marriage is currently a separation but will be a divorce. I loved my wife, still do to some degree, but I find the hardest part just being the separating of our lives. Its tough to deal with learning to spend your nights and days alone, and I think that's what I have the hardest time dealing with. While I miss her, I miss the relationship the most. I'm just trying to learn how to deal with the loneliness and not having someone there to talk to on a daily basis, despite how short the conversation may be or how meaningless it might be as well. We have 2 boys, which are doing fine with things and our relationships are better now than they have ever been, but its that empty feeling of learning to completely start over that is the hardest to deal with. Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom for you, just another man dealing with very similar issues as yourself. Good luck. Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk
Hang in there RiffRaff, went through a tough one 18 years ago it will get better. I still see my ex, but I have lost all feelings for her over time to the point I am a bit bitter towards her. She ripped my heart out and to this day she hasn't told me why she wanted out. Good Luck !:grouphug:
Funny how it seems to go only one of two ways, divorce that is, either she gets dumped for someone half her age, or she takes off without so much as a whisper. The irony is in the end, that the girls spend so much time focusing on the guys, being told guys are this and that, that it takes them forever to work out what the other girls are really like Let me play devil's advocate here, I know we are talking about your sweetheart, and I'm going to be vague on purpose. But if she's spent all that time doing what most of them do, try make out you are a pig, or feel guilty for wanting things of a sexual nature, faces her mortality in the way that cancer does.....then suddenly gets it in her head, well fuck running around doing what everyone else expects you to do, you only live once...off to do stuff that may make her seem more of a pig than you....well she aint going to talk to you about it is she. One thing is for sure, after 28 years, its unlikely all of a sudden you were unbearable to live with. Likely it has nothing really to do with you. And the fact that she cant talk to you about it....probably does only mean one thing, and that one thing, you probably really dont want to know
Thands TAZER, yeah, if she would just sit down with me and talk about what happened and why this. I think it would help a lot. idk, maybe not.
No, I don't think it's anything sinister or anything like that. I don't believe she is cheating on me or left me so that she can. A big part of it is that she got married too young. She was 19 when we got married. I was very leary about going into a marriage with someone that young (I was 31) but after much talking, she assured me she was tired of the single life and wanted to spend her life with me. Another part of it is that I think I smothered her a lot. My life (after and during the cancer) was centered around what I could do to make her happy. I loved doing things for her. No, I see her not talking to me about it as being just her. That's the way she is. I believe she's afraid if we do talk about it, she'll want to come back and I'm afraid (at least part of her) wants to stay away from me for my good and not hers.
My wife told me the same thing. "I married to young" I didn't have time to have fun" but she wasted no time finding someone to marry. I am not saying that is what your wife is doing but it is one of the reasons I'm bitter towards mine.
So sorry to hear about this Riff. Sucks that you didn't seem to find any closure in all of this, mainly because of her abrupt silence. Man I hate to sound cold but the only way I ever found to get over that kind of pain is to find another chick and enjoy yourself. Either way man I hope things get better for ya dude.
Part of that Epiphany is always the final realization that no matter how faithful hubby claims to have been or actually was, she can never really be sure because its not really the hubby so much they cant trust, its the other gals. When faced headon with ones mortality, part of that Epiphany is in the end is whats the use of spending too much time running around worrying about what everyone else thinks, doing what everyone else tells you to do, if you are just going to end up worm food anyway. You say you married her too young, at 19, so she missed out on that college/frat type thing, running around hooking up with this guy / that guy before she got married Is that what sounds most likely, or just what you want to believe? If she cant communicate to you why she left, it only means one of two things, either she doesnt want to tell you, or she doesnt know herself Its not like marriage magically solves all problems, doesnt stop those desires for others, doesnt change what people actually think is true. Men are all pigs, making you feel guilty about sex, all that kind of stuff so hubby does as he's told. The flip side to that is they all assume you cheat anyway, even if thats not the case. Too easy to grab a couple hundred bucks go visit a brothel, too many lonely single women out there, too many gals out there that married for money or played it safe marrying some poor schmuck they werent really into so they were easier to control. Male or female, you can do everything right, do what everyone else tells you to do, get married, stay faithful for decades only for everyone to end up assuming the guy is a dirty old man cos he tried to stick to the one partner for too long. Or for her to end up a bored, desperate housewife for the same reason, one wink away from a steamy affair. Which is the real bitch of the matter. Even if her reasons were totally selfless, wanted you to learn to live without before she has a relapse and you really do have to learn to live without her - she could be a total angel.....But....everyone else is going to hear this tale - Oh, she married too young, they've been married too long, she's just run off to slut it out before it is too late. And they think that way, male or female, well, cos thats the way they really think, cos thats what most of them think they'd do - but apparently I'm just a cynic
