Love is not a choice.

I have only been in love once so maybe my opion is not all that good but i dont think that you choose who you fall in love with i think that it just kinda happends to you. The reason i say that is when you love someone you can take alot of shit from that person and still love them. Its almost like no matter what they do to you or even if you decided that you dont want to be with that person, you still think about them all the time and wish that you could be together.

 

It goes both ways.

If you choose to believe in fate and the fact that everything happens for a reason, then you follow that path, and see where it leads you.
At the same time however, you also have the choice to stop 'being in love', if for some reason, you don't feel as you once did for that person.

There's no doubting that when you've been together with someone for a while, the thought of them lingers in your mind for a very long time, if not for the rest of your life - but at the same time, you learn to move on, and love someone else in the process.

 

I don't think I am capable of love like that so I don't understand how u don't choose u must have chosen at some point perhaps its subconscious

 

well i understand where you are coming from that if you belive in destiny then maybe you mind can trick you heart into loving some one no matter what. and i also understand that may you are choosing without knowing it. But i have be separated from my wife with no thought of getting back together but the thought still stayed with me. It kept me up at night and consumed my thoughts. Everything reminded me of her until i had to call her because even though she is the one that did me wrong, i still had to make sure she was alright.

 

It's that whole notion of the thought of them remaining with you for the rest of your life.
Even when you do find someone else, those relationships that go for extended period of times - that person sticks with you psychologically, and they forever remain a part of you, no matter who was in the wrong, or how it didn't work out.

It's just one of those things I guess.
The brain retains that information and those thoughts.

 

tell me about it..

 

yeah well i guess your right. but for me the thing that stays in my mind more than anything is the what if's of life. like a girl in highschool that i should of asked out instead of being a pussy about it. what if we had gotten together, how different would my life be right now......stuff like that. But i guess you probally shouldnt think about stuff like that right?

 

Again, it's inevitable in that sense.

At some stage, we're all going to have what if questions that relate to our relationships and friendships and how they may have progressed, had we gone in a different direction - it's just how it is.

It's one of those things that your head is always thinking about, and that you have to adapt accordingly to, depending on the decision that you've made.

 

“We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

 

Falling in love is like stepping in dog shit. Nobody ever plans to do it. It just happens. When I look back at my life and all of the women I've been in love with or thought I was in love with I realize the best thing that any of them ever did for me was leave. I've lived a pretty good life with lots of adventures that I couldn't have had they been with me.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

That is fate, maybe you would have been worse off had you asked that girl in highschool out. Maybe it is not to late and fate has you thinking about it now so you will find her and talk to her. So many things could have been different had my first wife not left me.
I moved I met someone else, married her and my kids married someone from the are that I moved into. My kids fate was partially my fate, because had me and there mom stayed together they would not be married to the people that they are now. My grandkids would have been tottaly different then they are.
Never be afraid of what actions or reactions someone may have to you. If you are interested in someone let them know it, they just might be interested in you also.

 

I really hope one day I can fall in love but I have never really been able to connect to a person like that. I mean I can be very fond of some one but it like ends there I never feel like I need them or that they mean so much to me.

 

Sage words Reverand JC. I just think the whole concept of romantic love has been corrupted - maybe going as far back as courtly love poems. We grow getting exposed to crap like Disney movies and the fantasies portrayed in movies and so many people spend the rest of their lives vainly seeking to attain that impossible "soul mate" kind of love. It doesn't exit. The way I see it there are three roads you can take
!) You either find someone that you can compromise with, settle and come to terms with the fact that life and love isn't a Disney movie.
2) or You (like me) decide that single life is pretty damn fulfilling.
3) or You can waste the rest of your life moving from person to person looking for something that doesn't exist.

 

Love is a strong emotion. I made a lot of bad choices of being 'in love' most of my life. I used to love drama, but that changed and now I love peace. As I get older I see that love is a decision to make something work. It is like being with the person for who they are. We can't change anyone, but ourselves. If a person isn't to our liking in most social settings, similiar views, politics, sex ; I say move on and try not to confuse Love for Lust. The long range of relationships are built on mutual admiration, respect and friendship. Eveything else will fall into place. This is my personal opinion. I had to ask some older couples how they managed to spend 50 years with each other. I got the above information. Yes, I have had my heart broken a couple of times and it hurts. It is a grief process, once you get past denial the rest is easy sailing.

 

I agree with you on that!

 

thank you to everyone that replied and i can honestly say that i love you guys. The people on this site are the best that i have ever met and u always give the positive but not in place of the truth. Thank you guys! FREE HUGS!!!!!

 

Awwww yay a hug

 

Dictionary.com defines love as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" . I think often times sexual attraction is mistaken for love. Love is a feeling too, but it is mainly a choice. You choose whether to love someone or not. If you decide to love someone and open up yourself to them then they get drunk and beat you with a baseball bat, you will probably choose not to love them any more.

If you meet a charming person who shares some of the same interests as you do and finds you attractive, you will probably "fall in love" with them. In the future though there will be differences of opinion, he will leave his underwear on the floor instead of the hamper, and you will have to decide whether you wish to love him still or whether you do not love him.

The people who are happily married for 50 years are simply the ones who decide to overlook their lover's flaws and love them anyway, choosing to see only the good in them and ignoring the bad. I have been in love with the same woman for 23 years now. We met on a blind date and I knew right away that I could love this woman, and found out later she felt the same about me. So I guess it was love at first sight, and I plan on loving her the rest of my life.

Love of course is not just an emotion, it is shown by your actions.

 

If I could make it so I could never fall in love, then I would have done that a long time ago. I thought I was the last person that could ever fall in love, but I did, even though I didn't want to, and knew it would only end badly. So love definitely isn't a choice... more's the pity. lol