I got so angry when he talked about 3p. really need your comments, thanks

Hi,

I am in some situation and really need your comments, thank you ~~

I am an Asian girl and has been California for 5 years for my study. All my friends come from my home country. They are very traditional and conservative about sex. But I think I am pretty open-minded and curious about the sex life of America. I had ONS for 3 times in the past several years and none of my friends know about it.

2 weeks ago, I met some guy in a coffee shop around my neighborhood. He seems friendly at first and we changed numbers because I felt bad to say no to his face. But then he starts to hold my hand and touch my thigh. I excused myself with a call and left.

He started to call me and left messages saying he had a nice chat with me. I declined almost all the calls. Then one day I got really horny and I felt lonely to play myself again. I think why I don't use him as a vibrator and answered his call and agreed to meet him. By the way, he is around 40 and I am in my late 20s. He is in average height and average look and average shape. I think I am a little bit above average with my face(some people ever said I am pretty but I don't agree with that, sincerely) but I am pretty slim like many Asian girls and I wear cloth beautifully for most time.

I was a little worried that he might be a pervert and I may involve in some dangerous situations. Then when he picked me up, he showed with a luxury car. I don't care about his financial situation but I think at least he would not kill me if he has a good life. : ) So I went into his car. He made most of the conversation in the drive. He said about "taking care of" me, "travelling with me around", "paying for my parents to visit me here", and I felt a little bit odd but I just smiled and said nothing. He also said something like"introducing me to his brothers", "being boyfriend and girlfriend", but I knew he is looking for a motel and I thought it was very amusing to hear these stuff.

After he found a motel, we had sex. I was very green in oral sex and I didn't do it in a right way. He just did oral sex for me for like 5 secs. He didn't use condone although I asked. I am a person easily got aroused and got organisms. So I got like 3-4 organisms. But it was not his credits for sure. He licked my asshole and asked me to lick his, but I didn't do it. He also tried to put his dick into my backdoor, without any lubricant. It hurts! Of course he failed. The dick just went into my asshole for a little tip. He helped himself to attain organism finally( I guess he can only get organism with anal sex or pretty good oral sex). In the all, it was below my expectations and I didn't think I will agree to see him again.

But after I got home, I was curious about anal sex and researched about it. I found many women said they love it. And I also found some comments say guys hate women to be selfish in ONS. So, I think he might appear selfish just because I did. And I decided to give him another try.

Two days ago, we did it once again. And it went amazing! Both of us wanted to be giving and I got a great experience. I even tried anal sex although it was not completely successful. He still didn't bring lubricant and it is the only thing I felt bad about him that day. I even found him cute when he licked me down there.

After sex, he rushed back to work. It felt a little bit awkward we just had sex and doing nothing else. He invited me to dinner two days later, and I don't think having sex so soon is a good idea for me so I pushed it to the next week. He also invited me to golf this coming weekend but I had scheduled with my friends so I rain-checked it.

Everything seems fine until today. He called from work to say Hi. His voice is always a little erotic in phone and I don't like to talk with him in calls usually. He ever asked me to "dress sexy " and "bring your sexual toys" before. But back then, I don't care about what he said at all so I was Ok even I felt a little offended. This time, he asked me to "bring some girl with me next week"! I really got exploded with anger. I am open-minded but that is really far beyond, no matter he meant it or just said dirty words.

I didn't say anything but he felt I was pissed off. He said "never mind" and asked me to forget about it. After hanging up the phone, I was still so angry and I text him. I asked him to pay me money next time and don't bother to bring me to any dinner, golf or travelling. He responded with "ok honey", and I was more angry and began to discuss the price with him. By the way, he offered a pretty low price. I think even lower than what he paid for the motel. I bargained with him and we settled down with a price. Still pretty low, , I think I would be a cheap chick . I was so upset and trembling for some hours. I even don't know why I felt so bad.

By the way, I come from a decent family and I have a great educational background. We met around my campus here. The graduate school I joined in the US is pretty good; However the college I joined in my home country is really a top one. What I meant is, I look up myself very high and I have an extremely high dignity. I am in a tight financial situation because I am saving for the tuition of my next degree, about 50-100 grands, since I am only aiming for Harvard or Stanford or some schools like that. But I still planned to do some hair style, buy some nice little dress or buy some very sexy underpants to meet him, with my tiny little poor savings. I believe it is proper and polite to dress up beautifully.

Now, I am tying these words. I feel really terrible, not for myself, just for this experience. We are not in a relationship at all, but I still want to post it here because I found people here are very nice and helpful.

I really like to get your comments, any words about anything. Even if you think me as a whole, just say it and I will only be grateful to get your responds. Because I really want to know why things turned out so ugly. Is it a culture gap? or is he just a pervert?

Thank you, all boys and girls. I felt a little bit relief right now, although I still feel really bad.

Hope all of you have a good night and a good day.

 

ok so you wanted to know why you felt so mad when he wanted to envolve another girl?

 

yes. I want to know if I overacted. or he just treated me as a whore.

 

well even if you are just using eachother for sex and nothing else as a human but more so as a woman you want to feel special. And it might feel like you had the control because you were calling the shots by calling him and setting it up at first but maybe you feel like you are losing that control. so you want to get it back my doing the whole price thing.

 

thanks soooooo much.

i think you know me better than myself, lol. I really meant it.

 

hey anytime you need to talk to someone i am here! lol you sound like a good person and i would love to get to know you!

 

thanks. I would love to know you too.

Now I realize I am not for ONS or any casual relationship. I am not that cool as I thought of myself.

Thanks for your help with it. I appreciate it.

 

Yes he was wrong for asking you to bring in another girl - Yes your relationship is sex oriented only as it seems and I doubt it will be more (would not doubt he is married) - Yes charge him at least the cost to a nice evening out & enjoy the ride.

 

You discussed how much he would pay you and even bargained the price out...

That is not a one night stand, or a relationship...

That is a business deal, and you are the commodity.

Yes, he did treat you like a cheap whore... by your own words, that is what you are....

Not that there is anything wrong with being a whore... but you really shouldn't be acting upset about it afterwards.

If you want to find a guy who will respect you as something beyond a whore, then start respecting yourself as something beyond that.

 

Tom is right. The guy is paying you and you get upset when he wants more?

I think you should resort to street corners if you want things with no strings attached. At least you can get money and will probably never see the guys again

 

Well, to be fair, she only started asking him for money AFTER he started treating her like a sex toy with no feelings. Before that they were fuckbuddies. In my opinion, there's a difference. Both parties may just be in it for the sex, but that doesn't mean they aren't human beings with their own emotions to contend with (this is why it's important to set up rules, people!). He could have been more sensitive when asking for a threesome. Some people just aren't into that and it sounds like he didn't even ask.

Either way, I would still count it as a good learning experience (except the no-condom part... gonna have to get tested asap). At least now the OP knows her limits. I can't do one night stands, either. I'm a jealous bitch, and have social anxiety to boot. Only long-term monogamy for me.

 

Perhaps you may wish to read her post again;

 

I don't see why you didn't just say "I'm not into that, sorry." Why did you decide to become a prostitute because he wanted a threeway and you didn't? I think you may be trolling, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

She also said that that didn't matter to her. She just wanted sex and was relieved to see that he had money because somehow that made her feel more confident that he wasn't a psychokiller (which really doesn't prove anything of the sort but whatever). What you quoted does NOT suggest that she expected money or gifts or to be taken care of in return for sex, only that he offered it and she did not explicitly accept or decline. It doesn't even prove that she was considering it (she may have just thought it was awkward and didn't know what to say) which still, in my opinion wouldn't make her fit the definition of a whore... yet. At least not until she actually went through with sleeping with him for money. It's not a type of person. It's a defined set of criteria. Slut could be applied here, but I'm nof sure I like the connotations associated with that, as if having sex with no other expectations for a relationship was a bad thing.
I really think this whole issue was resolved earlier in the thread, anyway...

 

I like this explanation^

 

Sex is sex... You want to fuck? Yes or no... That's a fuck buddy...

Let's go fuck, and I'll 'take care of you', pay for your parents to come over and buy you pretty things is by definition someone talking to a whore... Whether or not the person being spoken to that way realizes it. She can call it what she wants and put any label she wishes, but it won't change that it is not sex for sex sake.

Keep in mind, I am not putting down someone being a whore, its as valid of a profession as any other (more so then some such as lawyers or politicians). There are no negative connatations to it as far as I am concerned.

But to accept the premise of sex in exchange for material goods, is being a whore... lol

 

Thank you so much, guys and girls~~~

especially for FireflyintheDark and ChronicTom.

To FirflyintheDark,

You know exactly what I said in my post. I don't need to say any more. Thanks for understanding. I always thought myself as a cool person and now I realize I am just really really uncool.

To ChronicTom,

I really really appreciate what you said. You let me know that men and women really speak different languages and we need to communicate more efficiently. I failed my several relationships because my skills of communicating are bad.

At first, I thought you didn't see what I said clearly. But now I realize you are definitely right about something, in a really funny and real way.

As I said, I am very confident in my intelligence and whatever. But I don't consider myself as a good-looking girl. What he offered at first are some offers to a whore, I think I know about it deep-down in my heart. Although I know I will never accept money or gifts, what he said made me feel like I am some kind-of beautiful whores. : ) And that even made me feel good about myself, although a little oddly.

Now I know these talking are just some normal lines when people treat some cheap whores who are just available at that moment.

What I learned is : never cheat on yourself.

Thank you guys and girls. would you please keep discussing? I think it is very helpful for me to know myself better, which is the primary goal for me right now, since I am considering change my career path.


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By the way, I really don't consider myself as a whore in any way. He ever asked why I said yes to him. I really sincerely told him that I want to try different things (including sex) and I want to improve my English. He reactted positively with encouraging me to practice English more. I felt a little bit guilty to say things so candidly because I was afraid of hurting him, you know, about he is not physically attractive to me. LOL.

And why do I bargain with him about price? The reason is, I got insulted and wanted to get revenge back. I wanted to imply that he can only get sex by giving money. But according to what guys said in the thread, he may not get it. : )

I will never see him again. If I see him again, even just for enjoying sex, I will be a whore. I didn't mean anything bad about a whore either. Just, I have another very promising career. : )

 

To fingermouth,

Thank you so much for what you said. I now realize I was fooling myself.

could any one explain to me "I think you may be trolling, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt." means what? I cannot understand them with dictionary~~~

Forgive me for my English, : )

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I looked up about "trolling" in wiki. Is it a kind of "fishing"? like I didn't say no to his offers and might accept some expensive gifts someday, pretending that I don't know how to turn down his good-will?

I wish I could be that kind of person! Really, I meant it. I know there are some ladies acting that way. But I can only envy them. It is really a hard thing to do. I am kind-of a very sensitive person and very demanding in social connections. I really wish I could throw all the useless dignity~~~~

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But who knows, maybe you are right. I was trolling. If I feel bad to accept his gifts, I will say no and regard myself as a very decent girl. If I feel nothing bad to accept them one day in the future, I will accept them and be a whore! WOW, I never see myself in this way, but I have to admit it makes sense. Thanks for your respective.

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I gave this thing a lot of thoughts these two days. I learned a lot. Thank you.

 

Trolling is an internet term. It means baiting people into argument or posting a fake story that will make them react with anger or shock, when really you don't mean any of it. Some people find it funny. It's like a practical joke, but online.

 

But he didn't pay her initially -- from what I can ascertain.

She suggested pay after she got upset that he was reducing her and disrespecting her.


To Gaga:

Look girl, there is nothing wrong with exploratory sex. But it is possible for exploratory sex to be respectful.

I don't like the way this guy is treating you. I think you should change your number again and find a new guy to experiment with.

He disrespected you by not using condoms and trying to do anal without lubricant. Who does that? You don't have to subject yourself to that.

This is your sexual adventure. The focus should be on what makes you have fun. Trust me there are plenty of guys who will have sex with you. And if you are still linterested in older men, you will definitely find plenty.

Final Tip: Do not EVER create a physical trace that you are taking money for sex. That is prostitution and you can be arrested. If you want to request money fine, but don't do it over texts or even over a phone. Whisper it in person and make sure there's no record.

Now, pick your head up, dust yourself off, go find a great guy and have better sexual adventures than with that creep.