Here's the deal: I'm in my late 20's and I've had girlfriends before but never that I'd consider serious, until now. I've been dating this gal for about 5 months now, seeing her every day, saying the I love yous (never said that to a girl before) and I think she's a freakin awesome person, one of the most selfless, generous, good people I've ever met. I'm not totally sure that I'm in love or not, I've never been in love before, but I always want to be with her and we have a great time together. The problem: she doesn't excite me as much as some other girls do. There are a few girls who I could pursue who are more attractive (gasp!), more extroverted, adventurous and generally more exciting. And I'm torn because these other girls might turn out to be just hollow shells, while I know for a fact that I've got a good girlfriend who loves me more than I ever thought possible. I should mention that in all my decisions I invariably think I made the wrong choice, and think things are better elsewhere, etc, so maybe this is just a symptom of the grass is greener fallacy. And it is true that I could have gone after these other girls when I was single, maybe I was just shy. But still, maybe I'm totally missing the boat for a passionate crazy awesome relationship in someone else. Am I selfish? insecure? Don't hold back. My plan is to isolate myself from my crushes and ride out this relationship for a year or so, then reevaluate. I won't cheat on her, but I do want to be rid of this feeling like I should look for a girlfriend elsewhere.
I don't think anyone can say whether or not you're selfish or whatnot. You've gotta follow your gut...
Yeah i hear you. I don't know what adice to offer exceptto say that sex can be worked on. Try some different things. Talk to her about what turns you on and see if shes willing to comply..
it sounds to me like you are at the end of the relationship....lose the old gf and go for the ones that do it for you..... ...you are only selfish if you cant cut loose the old gf so she can get on with her shattered life
I agree with rooling in part. You are doing both of you an injustice if you stay in this relationship. Someone is going to get hurt, either now or later. Before you act, weigh your advantages and disadvantages. No one can prediced how any relationship is going to turn out. If you don't think you are ready to settle down with one girl, set her free. 'If it's meant to be, it will.' Hope you make the right choice.
It sounds like you have a fantastic friendship but you're not ready to commit to a relationship. Do all you can not to lose that connection with this girl, because it's so rare to find people you can really relate to and have fun with. But perhaps a relationship isn't right for you guys just yet. Don't do it as a compromise.
I feel like if you have any doubt, you should leave now before she gets more into it and will be more hurt when it ends. Because if you are already feeling this way after only a few months, there is a major issue there. Go with your gut-it sounds like you're only staying because you're scared to be alone. Better this somewhat satisfactory person than loneliness, eh?
^ i have the same impression. personally i go by the rule that says : if u're in love u'll know it, without a doubt. so yea, if u're wondering if u actually love your current gf, chances are u really don't love her. that doesnt mean she's not a good person, or that u aren't attached to her. the important thing is that u don't cheat on such a great person, cuz she doesnt deserve it.
I appreciate all your comments, but I have to disagree with the best course of action. I know there are a lot of people who get all gushy when they're in love, and the fact that this has never happened to me says something. I really love being around this girl, there's no tension, we just laugh and have a great time, and have good sex too. There are other girls, one in particular, who I've become obsessed with in the past, maybe because she's' so damn attractive. But I know from being friends with her that she'd drive me away due to her selfishness and pretentiousness. I think I'm doin pretty well with what I've got, so I'll stick with it, at least for now.
Five months, and you're already getting bored. Not the best sign, or one of the best...depending on how you look at it. If you're already thinking about "the other side of the fence" you may want to do a little soul searching to figure out why. Sticking it out (especially when there is not much time invested or children involved...and 5 months is not that long) just ends up being wasted time and missed opportunities. Just be honest with yourself, and you will find your answer.
What it really comes down to it is knowing yourself and trusting yourself. I came across this and thought it was worth sharing.
