Help. BF not interested in sex since we moved in together

Hey, hope someone can help. I'm new to these forums so be gentle

My bf and I bought a lovely flat 6 weeks ago, following on from a very stressful sale and a pretty vanilla move in day everything on the surface is perfect. He helps with the housework and let's me have my friends over whenever.

The problem is that since moving in he's barely touched me. He's watched porn (which is fine, unless that's the reason our sex life has gone down the pan) and I've woken up in the middle of the night to find him wanking in his sleep so he still has the desires, but I feel that I no longer forfil any of them.

The lack of sex and the declining intimacy between us is really starting to affect me and I love him to death but feeling 2nd best to his iPhone is making me resent him.

Any advice on how to save my relationship?

 

I'm not saying this is great advice. I'm saying this is what I'd do: move into the guest room. Let him miss your familiarity.

 

The OP describes my relationship, to a T, 5 years ago right before it ended.

I like the advice above, though probably for a different reason. He obviously needs a break, and his space...and in the end, in every relationship, one has to IMO come to terms with the fact that we cannot control our partners, derive our happiness from them, or even avoid the end of a relationship which may be dear to us, should it happen.

God knows ending my relationship was a reason for celebration, and not because I appreciated it any less.

That being said, I wish the OP luck. Why don`t you get into porn yourself? It may become a steam-releasing hobby. :biggrin:

 

You might not wanna hear this but it's possible that your best option is to move on.

Confront him him about the iPhone and the wanking. Just tell him you want what's rightfully yours. Also see if there is anything that HE might be missing.

Make sure you take the iPhone before you leave.

 

text him about it.

 

Yeah, do it from the guest room while watching porn

 

what the heck!!!!!!!!! I understand not wanting to have sex. but what I do not understand is if he does not want sex why is he still wanking it? i'd say get rid of him. in my opinion if a man wanks to porn while in a relationship he is cheating.

 

*sext him

 

send me a pic of ur tits tb xxx

 

Ok, so assume I wank to my own mental images in the shower while in a relationship, and they include images of women who are more attractive than my partner. Or, rather, god forbid I`m on top of the old lady giving it to her and I need the thought of another woman to pop into my head to be able to cum. Or if I have a wet dream about daddy`s little girl lives next door who`s underage to begin with.

Am I cheating?

 

What did he say when you asked him about it?

PS Don't confront him, if you really want to remain close, don't make an argument out of his sexuality.
(or maybe the next he appears to be in the "mood", tell him; "you look like you are ready" and just jump his bones. )

 

My TITS? :rofl:

Sorry, won't work.

 

Thanks guys. I really don't think the relationship has come to it's end, I really believe that it's becoming stale due to living together. I might take over the guest room for the next few days and see how he likes it.

Re his reaction to the porn he was really angry at first cause he thought I'd been snooping on his phone, except he told me to check something online and handed me his phone and when I opened safari there was a pair of tits and some pussy being eaten on screen. Once he realised this he apologised and then said that it's 'no big deal'

Guest room for me tonight I guess :-(

 

Go the porn Nazis


Sounds like an effective strategy, try controlling him more, just like his mum, guys dig that, its so sexy. Walk around in sweat pants all the time, with rollers in your hair for added effect

 

lol! You don't like? You seem like a cool chick.

 

Can't say I enjoyed seeing it on screen!! Lol

If it was some 'special' porn, girls doing things I wouldn't do I could understand. But it's very run of the mill guy/girl porn...

 

I never understand why people ask for advice from strangers about their relationship. Want to know what you should do, as is the advice I have given on this forum to any relationship problem. Have an open and frank, calm and collected discussion about it. Don't argue or "woe is me you don't find me attractive anymore" bullshit. Know precisely what you want to talk about, calmly voice your concerns --> "I feel like I have noticed that our sex life has declined since we moved in together, and I wanted to know if you have noticed it as well, or if everything is ok, because I still want to have an active sex life with you".

Or something along those lines.

Really, the honest up front approach is a win win situation. It doesn't always seem that way if you don't get what you want out of it, but if there are big issues, at least they are brought to the floor and you know about it.

Who knows, maybe he just wants you to prove you still want him after you live together by initiating or working for the sex yourself. Before you moved in together, was he the one who usually initiated the sex? Have you considered being the one to make the first, or first few moves?

 

Like I said, I think I'd try open communication first, Just tell him you have a problem you would like his help with, guys love to solve problems. Then just tell him that since you moved in with the man you love, you haven't been getting as much "action" as you would like and was wondering if there was anything he could suggest that would improve the situation.

Then be prepared, he may tell you some things that you don't want to hear.

He may tell you that he just hates those sweat pants, that you love because they are just so darn comfortable. But would you be willing to give them up for a little more nookie?

Or it may be something that he fantasizes about, that he is afraid to talk to you about because, now that you live together, he's realized you're too nice a girl to ask to do.

Who knows what it is but I can pretty much guarantee that it's not that he doesn't love you but that something has happened that has put him off and you need to find out what that is, without being confrontational or judgmental about it.

 

I can some what relate to this, n i slightly different way,
my bf doesnt ever want me either, he wont kiss me unless i ask for one!! he dont feel me up, hun me, hold me, want me, play with me, screw me etc, i hate him alot of the time, i do love him, but this lact of attention is making we want to go else were for the sexual stimulation i am looking for, you are not alone in this matter, he says he has no sex drive n it doesnt interest him, all that he does is mess on his xbox n his laptop!!

 

Just tell him straight up, drop all the other shit and pay attention to me!

It sounds like at least part of his problem is the stress of living together and paying bills?

Maybe he's afraid of a commitment. Big commitment living together.