The longer i live the worse it gets

I said to myself If I didn't have this shit figured out by the time I was 18, I'd cash my chips in. I'm still here and that was some 13 years ago. The reality is that the longer I live the more ties that bind me to the realm or mortals, and drag me down. There is no escape, too many live now depend on me but my joy in life has diminished to an immeasurable mote.

Perhaps, in another 18 years I can revisit that stone faced reaper who I house in the back of my thoughts, and see if then will be my time to escape. I still don't have this shit figured out, and I'm long past having enough.

 

Talk it out man, whats up? Sometimes I get down because I dont have or strive for what makes a "successful man" but everyday I get up, put my underwear on, then my pants on and go to work towards my goals, whatever they are. Without reachable goals hopes and dreams I think life is hard.

 

shit never gets figured out

.

 

^I respectively disagree.


maybe theres a way to somehow help, at least a little bit, if this op wasn't so cryptic and vague.
just sayin.

i have a reaper in the back of my head too, but things have changed for me, i've been inspired, and i grew. the reaper just doesn't matter anymore, it's pointless, and i dont care about it anymore.

 

Life presents more questions than it does answers. We define who we are by how we navigate through shit we can't hope to figure out. Checking out before the credits have rolled is not an option.

 

There is no reaper. It's your own mind demonstrating how powerful it is. Time isn't the enemy, now you have the opportunity to do what you've dreamt of doing with more knowledge on the subject. Those who depend on you can come along for the ride.

You're making excuses not to live.

 

the point of life is to realize that you'll never understand it. life is laughing at your plan to have it all figured out by 18. and no one gets it, so you're not special.

 

Mine comes and goes.

During part of my teenhood I actually welcomed it. Right now I have it worse than ever, but I figure once I get some of my shit together his presence will fade again.

 

For me every crisis, confusing period or obstacle seems to have presented an opportunity to see things another way, change something or even turn my whole life around. I didn't always take it. I sat around for years worrying about life, feeling awful, fencing myself in to the realms of mental illness...but hopefully I wont act like that again, because it's not a useful way of dealing with things. When you hit walls, don't stop, climb them.

 

I prescribe a daily regimen of excersize, wholesome food, cold showers and enemas.

 

Honestly I think we all set standards for ourselves, and expectations about life, when in reality it doesn't matter, for all we know we were born, living now, and were going to die, all the rest is commentary and speculation. the only morals that are realistic is be good to yourself and be good to others. if you want to contemplate the meaning of existence or yourself, by all means do it, but try not to take it too seriously.

Just enjoy yourself, what hobbies do you have? do them, and don't compare yourself to others, life is nota competetion.

do whatever you want whenever you want as long as you don't hurt anyone in the process, pretty simple.

get some friens it's so easy, just go to Church even if you don't believe in God, just go and meet some people. go to the local library, or cafes and just try to socialize, it is hard at first but you'll get through it. friends always help take your mind off things.

that's what I can tell you brother, this life is just life ride it the way you want to!

 

I read this thread yesterday and just sorta brushed over it... Now, with more responses, I really feel the urge to point a couple of things out.

To the OP... if you don't like your life, change it... You're an adult, act like one... What the fuck is up with the 'poor me'?

What have YOU done in the last 13 years to make your life into someothing you enjoyed?

Exactly what is supposed to be the catalyst in your life that changed your from waiting to die, to actually living your life? Are you waiting for an alien to come down and make it all right? Long lost relative to die and leave you billions? What??

If you don't like your life... change it into something you DO like. Nobody else is going to do it for you.
....

So... your suggestion is to go to a place where people who specifically gather to share their COMMON beliefs hang out, even if he doesn't share that common belief, and 'socialize' with them???

Friends? What type of 'friends' will he make there? It's having those types of friends (ones based on falsehoods) that is likely a part of the cause of his disgust with the world... (I know it disgusts me when I hear people say things like this)...

Back to the OP now...

Decide what it is that you want your life to be, and then make it happen... Find a path from where you are, to where you want to be, and then start walking...

This 'waiting' shit is pure 100% bullshit.

 

The intention of this suggestion was to just say, get out of the house basically, go to a church, library, cafe, wherever, and just socialize, doesn't matter if he shares the belief, he will meet people in these types of places who may be able to just basically if not just let him vent, maybe even get some new perspectives on life. I believe you got to hung up on the Church suggestion, it's basically just a place where people gather and give people a support system, and some people just go solely for that reason. I honestly the bible is just a big self help book, and Christianity is a self help program.

anyway. I agree. Just wake up in the morning and ask yourself, what do you want? and go get it. simple as that.

 

Well, getting out of the house, does not have to include lying about yourself or misrepresenting yourself in order to meet people. Or at least it shouldn't.

As for the self help bullshit... perhaps if you are a child molester or abuser it is... To any reasoning person, it is nothing more then a book with other people's opinions in it. The opinion of people who were very much sexist control freaks.

The idea behind the post... get out and meet people whom you can become friends with is right on... the suggestion of where, is out to lunch...

Go out to places where you will meet people you have things in common with beyond you both look human. Not places where any remaining faith in people is going to be destroyed....

 

rolf-cakes

great shared experience, the idea that we can have anything figured out by eighteen.


it's a good thing people rely on you, all of the happiness I've seen is by being connected to other people but if you wanted better advice it would be helpful to be more specific.

 

Interesting that the interpretation appears to be that I lack a social network or life skills. In regards to the man up comments, It's not as if I'm some cellar dweller collecting government money. Am I giving up to the obstacles of life? No, the post was remarking that life has gotten much worse as I have lived through it, but I am exasperated that checking out is much further away an option that it was when I was younger.

True confessions - I'm tired of this, the changes I've made have not significantly improved my enjoyment of life, I'm not giving up for the benefit of other people, and I don't expect that things will change within my life time. The true confession is that I keep soldering on, even if I patently don't give a shit about my own well being anymore. I appreciate the kind intentions though for those who offered advice of a sympathetic ear.

 

I think things are always shitty. Just the older you get the more you notice it.

 

Either that or you start to loose the optimism of youth.

 

As I was thinking about this thread, my take is, the older you get, the more responsibility you have and that, for me, results in less freedom. I have a job that requires me to be responsible for say 9 hours a day (including my commute). I have two kids, that requires me to be responsible. I am socially married to a wonderful man, that requires responsibility. Take this versus when I was a kid, and my responsibilities involved doing my many chores but those numerous chores still don't hold a candle to real life responsibilities i.e., keeping a roof over my & my loved ones head and food on the table. It gets to a point, that sometimes I forget how to relax. That might be sad, but years of conditioning has gotten me to this point. I sometimes feel like a hamster in a hamster wheel. I actively try to remember how to relax and that comes when I am surfing (most of the time), painting, or being out in nature by myself, listening to music. Find coins of peace wherever you can, gather as many as you can, slow down, don't forget to breathe, and actually use your five senses in all that you do. eace:

 

Destro, seems like one of your biggest issues is loss of faith. You've reached a point where you don't think anything is going to change for the better.

I'm 58 years old. When I was 20 there came one evening when I decided to kill myself. I didn't tho, as you may have noticed. And a couple months later I had a mystical experience that radically changed my view of life and reality, and gave new meaning to my life.

Then I spent about 25 years doing kinda "normal" stuff. And I finally came back around to my earlier mystical experience, and thought, So what about that? What am I going to do about it?

Well, I didn't know what to do about it. But I knew I wanted more experiences along that line, and I wanted to understand more of the mystery. And I said so, to myself and the universe. And then my life started to get amazing again.

What I'm trying to do here is impart a little faith to you. Figure out how you'd like your life to go, and tell yourself and the universe that's what you want.

If you've already done that, and it seems like you've been waiting interminably...I might suggest that maybe there's something you need to do. Maybe you've thought about doing it, but it scares you, so you haven't. I'll tell you something though: Sometimes you need to do what scares you most.

Here's a little quote by Joseph Campbell that I keep taped to my computer monitor:

"It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure."