My falling out with Religion

Hi, my name's Tom and I'd like to share with you my experience with Christianity and my eventual renouncement of it. This is nothing more than my own personal experience and as such is not meant to convert anyone one way or the other. Enjoy.

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I was born in and have lived my life in Northern Ireland, a country you might know for its religious and political conflicts, namely that of Unionists (Protestants) against Nationalists (Catholics). It is a conflict which I always thought of as a pointless struggle of two sides trying to be more bigotry than the other, a conflict that has long lost any religious significance. Thankfully, I was born on the year of the ceasefire (1994), so I never had to experience the horrors of "The Troubles", as we modestly call it. But more on that later on.

I was raised in a pretty conservative protestant household and have lived accordingly for most of my life up until about two years ago. Christianity to me was just whatever my parents told me it was, and I accepted it as someone who knows nothing else does. I didn't think about being Christian, I just was, because there was nothing else.

My first real experience of religion that I can think of was during my last year at primary school (elementary school). Because of family issues I ended up going to an extremely sectarian school. I was very young and innocent at this point, and I didn't have a clue about religion or the circumstances of it in N.I.. I let slip to someone that I had a friend outside school who played Gaelic (which is considered a mainly catholic sport), and was bullied for it. Remember, these kids were about 11 years old at the time, and they were bullying me because I associated with someone of a different religion. Not a good introduction to the merits if Christianity.

After that I went to a mixed high school, so I pretty much forgot about religion after that. At least, not until I was about 15, when i encountered atheism. We had a very relaxed classics teacher who let us do whatever we wanted as long as we did well in exams. We spent a lot of the time in class arguing about the existence of god. Now at this point I wasn't even aware anybody could have no religion, and I was drawn into the argument. I begun to defend Christianity with a passion, mainly because the outspoken Christians were outnumbered by the outspoken atheists. The more I argued, the more I was drawn into the teachings of Christianity and the word of the bible.

On reflection, I probably didn't know what I believed back then. I argued for the sake of arguing, I argued because I didn't like the self-righteous atheists who I argued against. I didn't like the way they looked down on someone because of their faith, as if they were privy to some secret joke that only they were aware of (and I still don't like militant atheists, as they're called).

But eventually, I started to seriously examine my own beliefs. As much as I hated the atheists I argued against, some of them made good points. In particular, the argument that religion is only something that helps people get through life ("the opium of the masses") and that it doesn't matter to them if there is any truth in their beliefs. I started to actually ask myself if I had any special relationship with god, as Christianity claims we should. And I found out, to my horror, that I had no relationship with any god. To me, he was just some insubstantial presence that only answered prayers when they came true (in other words, I only believed god answered prayers when he did, and not the majority of the time when he didn't).

Naturally, I was quite disturbed at this revelation. I had lived my entire life according to Christian principles, so finding out that I might not actually believe I a god was a bit of a shock. I immediately sought to remedy this by taking conformation classes (confirmation is when you affirm the vows that your parents made at your baptizism). I thought that they might help me to cement my beliefs. What happened was entirely the opposite. The teachings seemed so childish and hopeful to me. They promised that life would all work out fine eventually if you believed in god. They stuck by their sacred words so fervently that they didn't know what exactly they meant any more. They stuck by the vague promise that "as long as you accept Jesus Christ into your life, you shall enter the kingdom of heaven". My minister said that a lot. But he could never explain why I should believe it. He only said "have faith". Unfortunately, I was not willing to base my entire life on "faith" in some books written by men 2000 years ago.

Make no mistake, I wanted faith. I loved the community of the church, the sense of belonging and above all, the certainty of an afterlife. But I couldn't keep on lying to myself about my beliefs just because I wanted to. I couldn't call myself a part of a religion that I didn't fully believe in.

The thing that finally pushed me over the edge was when in desperation, I asked my minister how I can be certain there is a god. He answered, "We must have a purpose in life, mustn’t we? This can't all just be an accident".
That settled it. The false certainty of his answer confirmed many of my doubts. I stopped going to confirmation classes, stopped going to church and stopped associating myself with the Christian faith. I was no longer content to be a part of a religion based on false hope. I was no longer a Christian.

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Now, I consider myself agnostic. Although I initially felt terrible renouncing Christianity, as if my life no longer had a purpose, I now see this in a different light. My life has the purpose that I give it. I'm not held down by any strings, any iron certainties or any taboos. The world is a far more interesting place now that nothing is certain. Free from the bounds of Christianity, I've embraced many things about myself that I previously denied. I accepted my bisexuality, I've begun to smoke weed and music has filled the hole left by religion. I've embraced the hippie philosophy of free love, free speech and peace. I've even begun to look into Taoism as a philosophy. The Tao De Ching is a far wiser and more powerfully written book than the bible could ever hope to be. Sure, I no longer have the certainty of faith. But uncertainty is what makes life exciting.

I know that I'm going to die eventually, and there will be no afterlife. So I'm going to enjoy life as best I can, and there's nothing to stop me.

Peace and Love.

 

It is good that you seriously examine your beliefs as if you don't, they can't be serious.

It is good that we recognize the hypocrisy of our cultural upbringing. That upbringing serves only to distinguish us from them and belies our real interdependency to all things.

You say your life has the purpose you give it. This is a fundamental principle of christ teaching, " the measure you give is the measure you receive,"
And here I thought you renounced christianity.

 

The way I understood it the fundamental principle of Christian teaching is that your purpose in life is to worship God, I belief that I naturally don't hold to.

What I meant is that there is no purpose to life, other than the purpose I percieve it to have.
Essentially, I can do what I will, as there is nothing that I must do.

 

hey - this is your heart unto all , and is openly adventurous .
occasionally you must relate lovingly and respectfully to
the all to receive knowledge beyond reason to survive an
impossible situation . day by day faith ? ahh , mostly we
muck by good enough to not bother thinking about it .

so , when lost in space and frantic in the rain
of cosmic dusties it's hip to follow a crow who
will show you a good place
to nest for the night . rest .

 

I love what you write.
But when I saw this one piece, I just had to chuckle at the lyric that it brought to mind.

The song: "American Pie"
"Can music save your mortal soul, and can you teach me how to dance real slow?"

It just the thought that came into my head. No matter.

We all choose freely.
For me, I would like to say that every-time that I've ever TRIPPED, God has dropped in on me and talked with me. But that's just me.
Some others don't seek enlightenment, they just wanta get high. LOL. High. I wonder what they think the word HIGH means? Or why it's called that?

 

There is no fault in the learner, we are all equal to any virtue. It is the lesson that is suspect. I mean it the same way you mean it. There is only one will, only one choice in your life and that is yours. It is not what goes into a man that defiles him but what comes out. By our words we are justified or in turn condemned. But if you want good in your life, seek it and everything else will follow.

 

Peace be on you..I believe you will find answers to your questions in "Revelation, Rationality, Knowledge and Truth" online book. The writer studied comparative religions in his youth in the U.K. and then latter Guided his community world wide for many years, while living in the U.K. In the Book, he discusses many religions and triesto answer major intriguing questions which modern mind asks.

Some people remarked the book as the best book of the century.

http://www.alislam.org/library/books/revelation/index.html

 

neither god, nor the term religion is in any way owned by christianity.

 

George Carlin clip on religion. [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o

 

What you had to say was in my opinion, inspirational. It's wonderful to hear about someone who is willing to think through their own beliefs and not just go with whatever they've grown up with.

The Tao Te Ching is a wonderful book, but I think you'd actually be surprised at how much wisdom can be found in the Bible as well. I know you probably don't want to open it ever again, but tt is very much different than what they may teach you in today's institutions. I'd also reccomend picking up a copy of the gnostic texts as well. You may be surprised what was left out of the bible when it was put together by the orthodox church.

But still, whether you take my advice or not, good luck on your own personal spiritual journey. I only wish more people would be willing to question the same things you have. Thanks for sharing!

 

The Tao Te Ching is amazing, but it can be a bit dry. If I was to recommend anyone a book introducing and explaining Taoism I would recommend "The Tao of Pooh". Amazing book; simple, direct and powerful. It can be quite witty as well.

A lot of wisdom can be found in Jesus' teachings. Pity you can't find much of it in the bible! I sincerely believe that the Catholic church has repressed or altered much of what Jesus and his disciples taught. I also find it quite suspicious that Jesus himself wrote nothing (that we know of). I asked a Christian friend of mine why that was and he said that Jesus couldn't write, as he was a carpenter. I said that it never stopped Muhammed (who couldn't write, yet wrote the Koran), and he was just a prophet, never mind the son of God (supposedly). Plus there is the FAR worse problem of the old testament, a steaming pile of bigoted bullshit. But most non-extremist Christians I know tend to avoid the subject of the old testament, despite the fact it takes up the greater part of the bible.

Peace and Love eace:

 

I don't class my credo as a Relgion - I view it a a Faith
So with Paganism I hold values to be true -
Though to each their own - Conviction of Conscience is something that one cannot hide from

 

I myself have gone through religious growth in the past couple of years, and I too was born in '94.

Although I do not live in Northern Ireland, I live in a very Christian-dominant town. Of course, we have plenty of atheistic people, Judaic, a few Muslim, and I’m sure Buddhists, Hindu, and Pagan.
My family is a very Catholic family. We go to church every weekend, say prayers; religion holds an important place in my home. I grew up not questioning this. My mind, although the wanderer it is, never inquired about how they knew the stories they told. I thought that what the Priest says is what is, and did not think beyond that.
I used to be so proud to tell others, “I’m Catholic”. I would defend the religion. I was annoyed when my friend would say she didn’t believe in anything. I looked down on people who didn’t go to church. I loved being Catholic.

Now, I have always been a feminist. As I grew older, this trait only strengthened. I began to cringe every time I heard “God the Father”, “Him”, “His Will”, etc. This is when I actually began to question my religion, and wonder why I believe it... is it because I do believe it, or because I'm told to?
I started to question why God is seen as male. If “God” is the creator of life- wouldn’t that make it female?
I recall stumbling upon an article about this matter in an issue of Ode magazine. It discussed seeing God as a Mother, and how instead of rigorous, strict religious values, it would be a more loving and nurturing form of spirituality that celebrated life, color, and beauty.
I even brought this up to my mother- about why should God be male. It wound up making her cry. I said things such as, “Does this mean men are closer to God than women?”, etc. It really upset her.
This was the first time I openly admitted by questioning the religion I had been told to believe my entire life.
Homophobia and abortion were two other factors that disgusted me in Catholicism. Innocent people who simply do not share sexual orientation with the norm of their sex would be condemned to Hell? And women who simply didn’t want to go through the pains of childbirth because of a stupid mistake, being pressured into sex, or, perhaps, rape, should be forced to give birth to a child they do not want? It’s her right to her own body! (More feminism here)

I fell from Catholicism. I really grew to dislike it. I got into a couple of other religious squabbles with my mother, both ending in the two of us crying- her for my loss of faith, and I for her inability to accept that I can make my own choices (she accused me of simply parroting things I read online and thought I did not come up with these thoughts on my own).
I looked into other Christian religions, most notably Quakerism. I liked the idea of male and female equality, no discrimination, and always trying to lend a hand to those who need it. I read up on the virtues of the religion, but failed to read the beliefs. When I came across the section on the website I had been using to learn about the relifion that said how important Jesus is, and the Bible, I instantly was turned off by the religion. That’s when I decided Christianity was not for me.

And I was scared. I felt so guilty for not believing in God. I was afraid… but eventually, those feelings left, and I developed into an agnostic. I still call myself agnostic, and although I probably am more akin to atheists now, I do not like labeling myself with a term that, unfortunately, holds so many negative connotations.

I have looked into other religions, primarily Wicca, but also a little Buddhism. I very much like Wicca, as it can be a very rag-tag religion where you basically mold it to your likings. I still don’t call myself Wiccan, though, as I’m not so sure if it is right for me, and at this point I have become so used to having no religion that I am not sure if I want one.
I am very spiritual though. I retrained myself to see auras, I enjoy yoga, believe in chakras, follow feng shui, etc.
This is my spiritual journey. I now feel so much more satisfied with myself from when I did 'believe' in Christianity. I am very happy, and although I don’t want to die, I’m not afraid of death… I’m just not nearly ready for it yet!
My spirituality has grown considerably since abandoning religion, too, as I’m no longer confined to the stories religious leaders inscribe in your mind.
I have now been agnostic for almost two years, I was confirmed in Catholicism (against my will… I did try to fight my mom with this one) a year and a half ago, but I don't think that means anything. I'm just going to live in this life, and whatever happens the next time around (if anything does happen) will happen the next time around.

 

Lol, I love George Carlin

 

@SunnyHappyVegan

I never had the trouble of arguing with my parents, not yet anyways. I don't know if they know I'm not a Christian. I've no idea how they'd react, so I'm just not mentioning it till I leave home.

And I get what you're saying about gender. If there is a creator god then i would imagine it to be genderless. Having said that, a diety with female qualities makes much more sense, and I know many pagans worship a mother earth type diety. It seems to me that the closer the religion is to nature, the more likely it will be a female diety. All the highly institutionalised religions (Judaism, Islam, Christianity) have authorative father figures, whereas stuff like Paganism and Panthiesm have mother earth and Gaia (like in my signature).

I'm curious, what did your mother say when you asked her, "Does this mean men are closer to God than women?”. I never got why women would want to belong to a church that promotes a text that says things like:

"Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." (I Timothy 2:11-14)


"Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." (I Corinthians 14:34-35)

And bear in mind these quotes are from the New Testament. I don't know how many Christians tell me that the inferiority of women only appears in the Old Testament.

Peace and Love eace:

 

i think my point was and is still being missed. christianity is not "religion" it is A religion (and a rather cultish religion at that). it does not OWN GOD. nor does it OWN the idea of belief, with or without, one god, or zillions of them.

there is NO REASON there cannot be both good friendly invisible things, AND christianity being mostly wrong, or even evil.

 

I agree with you, but that wasn't really my point. Christianity was the religion I was brought up with and it's the one I chose to reject, but my experience has left me hostile to most other forms of organized religion. So yes, I am now pretty hostile to all religions. Only Buddhism and Taoism are of any interest to me, but I don't really see them as religions; they're philosophies.

 

call things what you will, it is still unfair and prejudicial, to condemn all beliefs, and the idea of belief, on the bases of the hypocrisy of one or a small number, albeit one with a large fallowing.

 

I don't think there was a "condemnation" of all beliefs here and even if there was, why would that be unfair? Also you are mixing the terms "belief" and "religion" which is not necessarily the same thing.

No, christianity does not "own god". But neither does any other religion.

Religion is not a god. A god may or may not exist but religion is made by man. A god does not create a religion, man does.

Sorry, this makes no sense to me.

 

i was instead attempting to point out that they are NOT the same thing at all.

we do not know that religions, all of them, are not made by men chosen by the same god to speak through them to us.

yes; no religion owns god, but christianity, what it has over 2000 years devolved into, acts as if it claims to. that is the sense of my point. it is not the only one that does. but it is almost the only one that does.