This one is my favorite. I can't comment on the structure and form aspect but the words are very relatable and the flow is good.
The Carcass (4-4-2011) I see the red blood and fear In terror, my body shivers; my stomach tightens I feel horror yet, I stare I stare past the blood, at the corpse I feel a certain sadness, though I didn't kill it; remorse My heart skips, still I stare I stare, and stare; until it's just a carcass Until it's former life doesn't matter Until the broken body is all I see All I feel Dead Hollow As I will become The insects come, by flight and foot They come to feed and lay birth I stomp them and I swat them I make them dead, like the body I protect And I feel as if, I've slowed my decay.
I have no fucking clue. I obsess over mortality every now and then; but usually that causes me to write about straight up death. Maybe all the crazy shit going on in the middle east? I was having a little trouble getting sleepy while going to bed; but I was in a really comfortable state laying next to my sweetheart, and then I started thinking about blood for some reason.
^ I smell a vampire A quick thing about your poems (man it's late) -- I like it better when you don't write in rhymes. Those poems stood out for me more.
The fine granulation between those who just do and those who actually put work into their stuff. Excellent work.
