I know the post is long, but it's really interesting, and I need answers.

I'm currently fifteen and when I was younger, say 6th grade (it's currently the summer between 9-10 grade), I wondered if I had psychic abilities. I recognize vibes of places and people really well and, in some situations, I can use my intellect to speculate and/or understand why these vibes are there. In 6th grade, in my immaturity and confusion, I created this religion for myself in which I was more or less special to God and he allowed me more knowledge than the average Joe. After a few months I realized it was complete bullshit based on nothing whatsoever except the feelings of mental superiority I had (have).

It wasn't until last night that I started thinking I had psychic abilities again. The following story is how this came to be. Notice all the little markers along the way that hint at what I think are psychic (even if only slightly) abilities.

A few days ago I met a girl at a punk show in my town. I had seen her before but I had never looked her in the eye. Marker: But when I did it seemed like I could hear a voice in my head telling me what her eyes were trying to say, which was "I want to know you." I'll shorten this already too long post with just saying things progressed with us. I met her dad on the first date (accidentally). Her dad rode up on his bad ass customized Harley with tatoos visible on his fingers, hands, arms, and maybe his neck (can't quite remember) and with an obviously buzzed (alcohol) hooch sitting behind him. He thought she was going to be with a group of friends and when he saw me holding her hang walking toward the riverfront he got pissed. We stood and she talked to him for a few minutes and it was mostly quiet and all he could do was smile real big at her and say "Choke ya later." a few times. Once, while he was looking at her i stared at his face and he turned and looked me in the eyes and, of course, I had to quickly submit for the sake of respect. Marker: Then he rode off and the very first thing I said to her was, "He's actually really nice, isn't he?" and she admitted he was a teddy bear. I knew because he felt kind and caring underneath it all. Maybe I was picking up on his feelings for his daughter.

The night before last when she went to sleep I spent 2 1/2 hours composing texts of what was on my mind and sent them for her to wake up to. Marker: Although her parents were divorced I told her that I couldn't help but think that there were other things that resulted in a pretty screwed up childhood. Then she told me about all of the shit that happened.

Unnecessary to read:[She told me about how when she was really young (3 if i remember right) her dad left and that when she was 5 her mom would tell her that she was the sole reason for why her dad left. Then she had a really close best friend who said he loved her (I think she was like 11 though) but she had to move away from him. She got too caught up in being "cool" and completely quit talking to him. Then one night he called and she told her mom to tell him she was busy and that she'd call back tomorrow (which she wasn't going to). It turns out that he was calling to talk to her one last time before he killed himself. Then when she was 13 and 14 she got into all sorts of drugs for all the wrong reasons. Once she got off all the drugs except cigarettes she became really depressed and lost 50-something pounds due to not eating.]

Now on to what happened last night. After I went out with her I came home at about 10:30 and told explained her that I wanted to tell her that I love her and she told me that love was a big word and how she wouldn't say it unless she really meant it. I was fine with that because somehow I knew she loved me no matter what she said. But I wasn't going to argue with her over he emotions. How could I kindly tell her how she felt? So I told her how I was scared that she'd be the one girl that I had loved so that I wouldn't be able to get over (up until yesterday we both thought she was going to move from here, somewhere in Kentucky, to New Orleans after the summer). Then she told me she didn't have to move until after high school and that if we were still together that she wouldn't leave me (I have a very large amount of confidence that she's the one I'm going to marry, even though that sounds like something a 15 year old "shouldn't" say). Now I'm going to try to describe what happens the best I can.

After I read the text it felt like all the free energy that grooving and buzzed through the air tightened- I want to use the analogy of a colorless (not white black, closer to being an invisible that anything else) sheet that people are grabbing the ends and shaking and rippling it suddenly being tightened by the people to where any distortion in the invisibility of the sheet became suddenly null. I had never noticed this energy until it disappeared. I felt the presence of some nothingness somewhere near me. Lately, because I had to take at least a 5-day break from an all day everyday pot habit, I haven't had any appetite. But I suddenly wanted to eat. I didn't know what my thoughts were about her not having to move, I suppose because it hadn't fully registered in my mind yet. So I told her I was going to eat and think and that I'd get back with her. As I walked I felt graceful and somewhat... "enchanted". I made it upstairs to the kitchen and got a pizza out of the freezer and started opening it up. As I was opening the packaging I tried to think about what her not leaving meant to me. This caused me to feel a wave of disconnection from the world. I stopped what I was doing and had to put my forearm on the edge of the counter to support myself even though I wasn't dizzy. It was like I was preparing to purge myself of something. I let two tears fall without a sob. And then I was fine. I stood up and finished opening it up. I set the pizza in the oven and pulled up a chair in the kitchen to wait. The area in front of my sink felt alluring alluring and holy. As if there were a portal there that was exchanging one world's energies with this world's. The energy was very "high pitched". I suppose that means it wasn't a dark-feeling energy because those feel low-pitched, but it didn't necessarily feel bright or Godly, it was a very emotional energy. I pulled my chair up right beside that spot and sat. I don't know why I didn't put in on that spot, I just didn't. I wasn't told not to by any voice, I just knew not to without recognizing that I knew not to. I sat and thought, again, about what her not leaving meant to me. My mind jumped from thought to thought and then back to it's initial thought and repeated it once more. Then, suddenly, I felt the coming on of a purging of something inside my mind. I stood up, and stood in the spot in front of my sink. Uncontrollable crying and severe sobbing overtook me for about 30 seconds and I felt neutrally emotional the whole time. The tears weren't sad tears, which is the first time in my life I cried tears that weren't sad. But they weren't happy tears either. It stopped abruptly. I took another moment there because that spot was soothing. Then I walked over to the oven and pulled the pizza out. The free energy was back and grooving much more than usual and buzzing much less than usual. I experienced some optic distortion- I could see the grooves much more than usual I felt somewhat off balance, as if the floor were slanted. This whole feeling ebbed and flowed from less obvious to more obvious and back and forth. By this time I wasn't hungry anymore. I think I stopped being hungry after I purged whatever it was. So I took a few nibbles and went back downstairs to lay down in the absolute darkness of my room (other than my phone) and text her.

I'm not sure the order of the events that happened in my room, but I remember the different things that happened and they all came and went and left me with a few minutes to be normal, and then I'd have another episode. I started seeing flashes of energy that weren't actual flashes. I also saw imprints of figures in the darkness although I can't remember what any of the figures looked like. At one point i distinctly remember feeling my entire mind shift. That's when I realized that our mind is another body. It can see and hear and feel (not taste and smell, as far as my experience goes, but that might be wrong). When my mind shifted my mental vision moved, and that's what startled me so much. I then realized that the flashes of energy and the imprints and the grooves and the buzzes were all things I saw with my mental vision. Sometimes I would feel all of my real senses diminish, like when you zone out on something, and I would see crazy and colorful visuals inside my head as if i I were watching a music visualization on a media player. It didn't seem organic, it was very geometric. If it weren't so hard to describe the visuals I would, but so far, after remembering all of this again, it makes me wonder if something happened with my DMT levels. Geometric visuals? What other psychedelics do that? But the grooving reminds me of the shroom reports I've read (I've never tripped but have been looking to for months.) DMT and psilocybin are very similar chemically, right? So I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that DMT was the cause of all of this. Then, after a few seconds I would come back to reality. During 2 or 3 episodes I completely or almost completely convinced myself of things that, in the real work, I would have never come close to considering. Once it was that this experience was all just a dream. Then I sat straight up in bed and looked around the room of darkness and realized that everything that usually felt so necessarily real felt so easy to recreate. I really can't explain that feeling any better than that. Then in the very next episode I was convinced that, more than likely, I was a schizophrenic and that my whole life was a schizophrenic delusion that could be mistaken for a dream if I didn't know that I was a most likely a schizophrenic (don't schizophrenics have higher than normal dmt levels, or is that just something floating out on the web?).

While all of this was happening I was texting, trying to explain to her what was going on. I finally decided, while I was between episodes, to ask her if she would talk about something else. After this I didn't have another episode. Instead I had a tremendous afterglow. I KNEW my girlfriend. I knew why she wouldn't let herself love me. Heres how it went:

"Hey, I want you to open your mind up and try to understand yourself right now. Now modify your mind not to be sacred of me. If you don't understand then I doubt you're letting yourself understand you enough."

"I'm not scared of you as a person, I'm scared of being with you and who you might become."

"You're scared of who I am to you. You don't want me to have that much control over you so you keep some of yourself from me. Open up. I want to prove my innocence and I can't without you taking a chance for me."

"I don't know..."

"Well, actually, I wouldn't say you're hiding anything from me. it's more like you're intentionally hiding me from you. you won't let me be as special to you as I could be because you're scared of what i could do to you. Or maybe I'm just bullshitting. I'm just trying to make sense of what I'm feeling."

"I just don't want to get hurt again, okay? I'm not saying you will, there's just a risk... I know it sounds stupid because we haven't even been dating for twenty-four hours, but i could actually see myself with you for a while."

"I know you could, you just don't want to go in thinking that and then it ends up with me taking advantage of you and leaving. I understand all of your concerns. I know you somehow. I just want you to be your happiest and you can't be that way without risking it. I promise you it'll be beneficial to you."

Later on she told me she loved me.
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Questions:

1. Is it safe to say I have psychic abilities? I believe so but a second opinion is always helpful.

2. Is having episodes like that normal for someone with psychic abilities? And why do they happen? More specifically, could falling in love trigger them?

3. Was what I described trip-like? It wasn't like anything I've ever experienced before and it reminds me of soooooo many things I've seen on various trip reports on various sites.

4. Is tripping (on drugs) any different for someone with psychic abilities than it is to a layman?

5. Sweet love story right

Thanks in advance to anyone and everyone who read all of that and can give me any feedback at all.

 

And one more thing. My afterglow consisted of me finding a DEEP understanding of the unity of everything in the universe. I understood that we are all subjects in one object.

 

geometric visuals ?

wait and see if you get this perception again
(without chemical assistance) . i'd be interested
in a description of this geometry .

 

I actually read the whole post. Do I get a special T-shirt now?

I have always said that the state of being "in love" is a form of temporary insanity. It creates a biochemical cocktail that can have the most amazing effects on the brain and autonomic nervous system.

It seems obvious that you're an extremely sensitive, aware, insightful, and caring person. Maybe psychic as well, but I wouldn't be in too big a hurry to put a label on it. Fascinating experiences though. You have a good start to a journal here. You might want to continue writing this stuff down.

 

Welcome Home!

 

everyone's psychic to a degree. you seem to be somewhat well tuned. Visuals while cold sober are not unheard of, and your capacity for empathy and your apparently excellent ability to anticipate someone's character seems to me to indicate that you are not crazy, at least in any dangerous way. explore. get a feel for it. embrace it; your openness to yourself is a rare gift to be cherished and cultivated.

 

I appreciate your replies. After more thought and investigation I found that my mom is an empath and my dad is far from understanding the psychic experience, so the combination of genes (empathy is genetic) would result in at least some sense of empathy in the child. So I think a good conclusion is that im an empath with increased intuition.

 

Not necessarily. I've noticed that the "weird" genes crop up in odd, unexpected ways in my family on my mom's side, but she doesn't have any of the weirdness herself. I'm thinking IF there's a genetic component, which I think there very well could be, it could be recessive. Your dad could be a carrier. Also meiosis is an amazing thing - could be some unexpected gene combination that gives rise to some totally unexpected characteristics. And it COULD be that the spirits can transcend biology sometimes.

 

Everything is one, nothing is separate.

The way i understand it is We are one subject within many objects within one object within one subject ... back to the one again. When the objects dissolve you'll know there aren't really any objects but that they are a construction of the mind ... but that's not to invalidate them. The objects are beautiful as life is beautiful.

Great post by the way, really enjoyed reading it. It very mutch reminds me of falling in true love ... but to answer your questions:

1. Psychic is a broad word, but i'd say you're extremely sensitive and intuitive. Which amounts to more or less the same thing.

2. Falling in love, getting closer to someone dissolves boundarys ... which tends to lead to this sort of thing

3. Yes very trip-like.

4. It tends to be different yes. When 'normal' (more unconscious people) trip they enjoy it but also resist it at the same time.... they inhibit the experience like i did when i was younger. They have a crazy time, ... shits and giggles.

When more conscious people trip it is probably less inhibited, the experience goes alot deeper and they get so mutch more from the experience. It is in this sense that psychadelics can become a tool for 'knowing thyself'.

5. Most definitely!

 

Perhaps, but if you should be discovered by the powers that be you will be exploited for your abilities.

If you go public with your abilities and they are proven 100% authentic, you will be ridiculed, abandoned by your friends, and you will become an outcast for you alone have the power to reveal their inner most secrets.


hotwater

 

Hotwater ... personally i feel comfortable in the presence of people i know to be intuitive or psychic mainly because most of the time that gift goes hand in hand with compassion, plus it means i don't have to hide or pretend ... i can more easily be myself. I understand though that some people would feel uncomfortable in the presence of someone they believe to be psychic, they don't like being seen. But hey that's their problem, i wouldn't wish to spend my time with such secretive people. I think secretive people are more prone to lies and bullshit and masks.