was I raped and did I make too much about it?

Roamy, you continue to make me think there is hope for humanity in this world!:daisy:

Dearest OP,
Please listen to these worlds poster Roamy said- talking to a safe and confidential person about what happened- and making SURE that person is someone who is consistently reassuring you and validating the FACT that you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to bring this act of evil rape upon you and that you are learning about your sexuality, and if you are gay or bisexual, that too is something to claim as your own and there is no shame in that whatsoever. That THING that did that to you is a sexual predator and a monster, his orientation and sexuality has nothing to do with it, AND NEITHER DID ANYTHING YOU DID.

 

You should stop saying you're stupid, there is nothing you did to deserve this. No amount of flirting or hinting gives someone any right to have sex with you without your consent, especially when he purposely took away your ability to consent.

 

ditto sevy,always a pleasure.:daisy:

 

I do think that it was wrong what he did but it's hard if I weren't there how would one know it happened. But like I said if I wanted to report it could go down stat rape or possesion 'child' porn or something. I would care about that rather what my parents would think and how everyone would think of me if they found out. I have always been known as a 'prude' and that would ruin everything at every angle. I have just this constant worry once I open my mouth to the counselor they'll open theirs and cause what I described. I guess I've got to trust someone or take a risk somehow. At the same time I don't want to make things worst. And that's what I fear if I tell that someone has a chance to tell others. And that would ruin many struggling relationships as it is. Also I'm not gay. I wasn't even gay when I was 15. Like I said the thoughts I had were usually fleeting and not really serious. I haven't felt like I was gay in a while. I'm not confused on that. And I'm not pretending to be straight.

 

My issue isn't of being gay. It's about being able to cope build relationships be emotionally comfortable stopping bad habits stuff like that. I am going to talk to someone about it and I thank you guys a million for advice as it was very helpful and I appreciate it.

 

Because its your choice to press charges or not, I don't think a counselor would be required to report it, especially since you are now 17. Laws vary from state to state, but sexually speaking in most states you're considered an adult at 17.

You should talk to someone who can help you make sense of everything. There may even be some kind of anonymous rape victim group, if not in your area then maybe some kind of internet forum. That would at least give you an outlet for the way it made you feel. Its not good to carry those feelings inside of yourself without any outlet for so long.

 

ya kid,it was wrong.worse than wrong.it was plain calculatingly bad an nasty.i know pet,that its all about being worried bout what your parents an others think.no matter what they'd think anyway,the most important thing is what you think.its what you know to be the truth. an by the way the truth is legal an too.but i know one thing for sure,that if you had the courage ta come on here in such a brave and courageous way an talk about it,you most definitely have the extra courage way down deep inside ya to rise above those fears too and put your trust in some counsellor somewhere ta get help an keep movin forward.you know what the coolest thing about counsellors is.its that you can go for as many visits as ya want an ya dont even havta talk at any of them,until your ready too.so you could use that as a positive thing ta help start ya off,while in the meantime while your there,you can take your time deciding about whether you trust the counsellor or not.ya kid,everybody needs somebody ta trust sometime,even you.no pet everything you tell the counsellor will definitely be kept private.thats the deal!.so your parents or others will never ever know anything that you dont want them ta know.well thats good is'nt it that you have got somewhere on the sexuality end.if your certain your not gay an your know your not straight,then maybe you might be bisexual.or maybe, just maybe, your still just a little confused.that would be normal too.dont worry,you'll get there in the end.known as a prude? the cheek a them!dont mind them silly billys,their only jealous of you.people that call other people mean names is only because they are cowardly bullies that dont like themselves.you mentioned struggling relationships.remember the most important realationship you will ever have in this world in your whole life, is the one you'll have with yourself.so put yourself first now pet and just do whats best for you.keep smilin kid an shinin:sunny::2thumbsup:

 

Yes, if that is what happened, then it`s rape. You left room for ambiguity in the OP, it seemed to me.

At this point though, I don`t know what could be proven in a court of law, but I would seek professional advice if I were you. Good luck.

 

What do you want to happen now? Sounds like rape but proof in a legal setting is going to be very difficult. So, do you want him punished? Or do you need people to confirm for you that you were raped?

What role is your religion going to play in this? Why does it matter that English is not your first language? What does it mean to you that you woke up with an erection?

Talking to a counselor could be very useful/helpful for you but make sure you talk to one who does not have a bias concerning Gay sex. You can request confidentiality and that should be honored. If you name the kid or give identifying information the counselor may be required to report it to the law as a crime.

I'm glad you found some place to start exploring your feelings. Good luck to you.

 

You sound very concerned about your parents finding out. Why? Because you dont want to face another breach of trust - having your mum try and shush things up, your dad blame you - when they should be sticking up for you

 

Didn't read the whole thread, and have about 3 mins to finish up on the computer, so:

In the first post, it read like you where trying to rationalize things.

It doesn't sound so consensual, on your part, but how godly you are and how you feel about sex generally also would influence you to make it sound that way, I've seen the most amazing re-structuring of the truth, from religious people....

It doesn't, to me, sound like you where drugged. You would NOT magically be doing something and come to, and you would NOT be standing, as I think you said, you would be down for the count and wake up feeling like shit, and very slowly become more alert. Hours later.

Besides, you've never even had alcohol, I don't think you can say what is and isn't a drug. Sometimes one can feel quite strange with no toxins, but if you've never felt a toxin don't talk about feeling intoxicated.

To me it sounds like you might have been raped, you might be blocking something out, but you where NOT drugged. By raped, I mean conned into giving consent for a short period of time.

Sorry for being a downer. But jesus raped you before the whole thing started. Being gay isn't wrong, and having sex isn't wrong. It IS wrong to get married if you know that's not the sex for you, though. Then you're making an unhappy family and unhappy marriage and unhappy kids and unhappy everyone. And even if you can pretend to be happy your wife won't be able to.

 

That's a good point that is rarely brought up. When a gay person is forced by themselves or others to pretend not to be gay it doesn't just hurt them. If you're lying to yourself you're lying to everyone else too. I don't mean to put all the blame on the person keeping a secret, sometimes people make it hard to be honest with them by being unwilling to accept the truth.

 

Here, at least, if someone isn't capable of giving consent (including if they're drunk) then it's rape. End of story.

 

do you really think a" jesus raped you speech" is appropriate right now,just when the poor kids just beginning ta talk for the first time about his horrific experience.i dont!he's 17years old an just starting ta come ta terms with talking about it.sure there are issues there too,that can be dealt with along the way,but right now dont you think he has enough ta cope with already?he needs ta concentrate on the here an now,not worry about what happens if he decides ta get married someday, and how unhappy he' has no! plans ta make people feel in the future. and he's still at the moment unsure of his sexuality anyway.i see where your comin' from on that,but too heavy man right now,as he has enough ta cope with already in the present because of an unjesus rapist.

 

Errr, I think OP is male?

 

It does sound to me like you were raped. sorry that this happened to you

If you go to the "all in the family" forum and click on the sticky thread at the top of the forum, you'll find a bunch of links, some of which are relevant to rape

You may want to talk to a professional councilor about what happened

you may want to continue the conversation about what happened with individuals on this thread via pm or vm (you may have to post more before you have access to all of these features though)

you could continue posting on this thread, but unfortunately people often post off topic or are unsympathetic

 

i think you should talk to a counsellor about this
i was raped and ive never told anyone in my family for personal reasons.
its been a few years now and im over it, but what really helped me was speaking to a counsellor at my university

 

No I wasn't standing up if I were very alert there would've been a fight but I barely was able to even leave. Like I said I felt like I wasn't there like I was slipping away shortly after I drank it when before when I was there and that day I was fine. Either that or he poisoned me because later on I did fall very ill. But I don't think that was the case. What poison knocks you out? The thing is I never remember saying yes despite whatever was in my system I didn't say anything which is unusual for me because I talk a lot usually.

And really I don't really think it would really both my relationships if I were alert and had planned everything out to say yes to him. It wouldn't really bother me in like with my ex-best friend. I couldn't even talk to him any longer because I don't know I felt like I was so stupid for last time would I ever do better. But then again you're right it fcould be a not so fond memory why I'd react this way. Idk it's really the present issue not past ones tbh. Also I'm a little surprised since I always thought non-religious people had less ties to principles like lying becausde it's not deep in their fundamental beliefs but hey that's different life experiences I guess. I'd better stop talking sorry so long.

And no actually I already said I was into girls. But I'm just not going to argue with you guys on it. I know many people would think differently and for the subject of the matter it really doesn't matter what I'm attracted to.. I don't believe I'm gay. Rather it was just teen curiosity. Either way it's not an issue of being gay to me. More being sexual with someone I'm not married even if that's a girl is wrong to me.

 

no it was more about counseling now though I realize that I'm going to have to tell someone so I am going to try if it goes bad I guess that's what I risk but maybe I could still work on past issue even if it makes things a little more difficult.

I just don't want to be blamed for my part in it. Like I think they'll just focus on what I did instead of what's troubling mostly.

 

Thanks for your advice I actually called and set up an appointment I really appreciate your words of advice really helpful. I know I need to move forward and that should be the object no matter how hard that is.